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I’d hoped Alfie would have returned by the time I was done in the bathroom, but the room was empty and looked exactly the same as it had last night, except for one thing. My eyes landed on the empty night stand where I had left the bottle of pain pills. They were gone.
His shirt still lay neatly on the chaise-lounge. I scooped it up, pulled it on, and then headed out the door.
“Alfie?” I paused in the corridor, buttoning the shirt quickly and listening for any sign of life. I checked his office first.Nope, not in there. The open plan space below was empty too. I frowned. Alfie wouldn’t leave without telling me.
A low thud jerked me out of my contemplation. I turned to the hallway where the noise had come from. I felt stupid that I hadn’t thought of this already.
I found him in the gym beating the hell out of a punch bag, a twisted mask of anger on his face. I supposed it was too much to hope that there would be no repercussions after last night. He’d shown vulnerability and let me win an argument. Of course he was going to be pissed.
He had been empty and lifeless last night, but now life seemed to have come back with a vengeance, and brought fury with it as a cellmate. His cheeks were flushed, his eyes dark, his hair slicked to his temples.
I watched him for a few minutes, waiting for him to notice me, but he was lost in his own thoughts. I wondered at the psychology of this. Was he punishing himself again? Was he frustrated at having lost the argument about my leaving with him? His punches grew harder and he bared his teeth, grunting with each one.
I’d seen enough.
“Alfie,” I called from the doorway but he ignored me, so I whistled at him. The noise startled him and he stopped for a second, his hooded eyes finding mine then almost immediately dropping to the apex of my thighs where my most intimate parts were barely covered by his shirt. His jaw clenched and he turned back to the bag.
“Go away, Lola.”
I raised an eyebrow at him. Did he just tell me to go away? “Why?”
“Because you look too good right now,” he spat, keeping his eyes firmly trained on his victim.
“That’s never been a problem before.” I stepped into the gym and weaved my way past dumbbells and various other workout equipment. He stiffened as I got close and just kept punching. “How’s your back?” I stepped around him to look. The skin was still red but there was no blistering. I reached out, but before my finger tips could reach him he shrugged me off as if my touch might poison him.
“Leave it.”
“Jeez, did I hurt you in a past life or something?” I drew my hand away, trying not to feel hurt by his rejection. I wondered how he had the energy to start another argument. Hadn’t we done enough of it last night? I decided, right then and there, that today was a no-fight day. No matter what, we were going to have a nice, normal Sunday.
“What’s wrong? Is this because of what happened in the shower?”
“No!” he snapped and landed another blow that nearly snapped the bag clean off the chain it was hanging from.
“Okay. Fine,” I raised my voice so he could hear me as he continued his assault. “Because, I’ve decided that as far as your history with your brother goes, I’m not going to push. You’ll tell me when you’re ready. Until then, all I need is a promise that what happened last night will never happen again. Hurting yourself isn’t an option. Even if you think you deserve it.” He stopped punching and looked at me.
“What did Elliot?—”
“Elliot didn’t say a damned thing. You’re not the only perceptive one here, you know. I’m figuring you out, Alfie Tell. But you need to promise that it won’t happen again. If you need to shout or trash the place then fine, butthatis off the table.” I looked into the depth of those grey eyes and saw the loaded guns poised there, the damage he feared their bullets would do if he pulled the trigger.
“If you knew what I had done?—”
“Nothing that you could have done can justify what you did to yourself last night, what you did tome. You frightened me, Alfie.” I crossed my arms over my chest as I tried very hard to keep that memory buried. I really didn’t want to relive those feelings. His expression was uncomprehending, as if he couldn’t understand why I had been so scared.
“Imagine it was me. Imagine that you had found me in that shower, burning myself.” His jaw tightened, he looked like he could kill something. “Now imagine that I shut you out and refused to tell you why I’d done it. It hurts right? So, never again. Swear it.” I held his gaze for a long moment. I needed his word on this, if I was ever going to sleep at night. I needed to know he was safe from himself.
“I swear.”
“Swear it on your money,” I said, a small smile playing around my lips as I tried to lighten the mood.
“Fine. I swear it on my money.” He obviously wasn’t in the mood for jokes. I sighed as he went back to raining blows on the bag.
“Enough, Alfie. You’ve done your damage, now talk to me.” I stepped between him and the bag, forcing him to either stop or pummel me. “If that isn’t what this is about then what’s the problem? Is this because you agreed to give me time?” His chest rose and fell with the exertion, and his gaze was distracted, looking anywhere but at me.
“Yes. No…” He looked scattered and very un-Alfie. “I just have…energy to work off.” He looked down at me, his eyes flickering to the curve of my breasts just visible through the shirt.
Then, I got it. How many times had I woken up to Alfie inside me? Too many times to count. He’d woken with need this morning but instead of waking me he had come down hereto work it out in a different way. It would make sense for him to want to give me space after last night. That’s what a normal guy would do, but he wasn’t a normal guy, and Alfie didn’t understand the concept of space.
“Alfie, you don’t need to do this.” I took a step towards him. “Come back to bed.”