Page 81 of The Havenport Collection

I tended to agree with them, but at the moment I was too sex drunk on Declan Quinn to even appreciate a good feminist rant. I liked him and I liked being with him, and it all felt so natural, so easy. We complemented each other and had fun together, and he seemed to respect me and my career.

I certainly understood where Nora was coming from.

Guys could really derail your life. Case in point was Max Shapiro.

Nora definitely wasn’t the type to put her needs aside for a guy, and I respected that.

I guess I always put myself in the same category.

It would be nice to have someone in my life, but I wasn’t willing to compromise my goals for that.

And wasn’t that what most women did? Compromise and bend and eventually break.

My mom never compromised. And she focused on her goals with single-minded obsession.

And she had been alone the entire time. And it’s not like we had some amazing mother-daughter relationship.

Her goals came at the expense of everything else.

So maybe I was wrong. Maybe compromise didn’t break you—what if it actually made you stronger?

“Emily, what’s new with you?” I asked, hoping to turn the conversation to her adorable kids and away from my sex life.

“The usual. Kids are insane. Derek is amazing, as always, but I’m super annoyed with him because every time he gets home from a trip, he keeps trying to make shower sex happen.”

“You’ve got to be shitting me!” Nora exclaimed.

“I am so annoyed with him. We’ve been together for almost fifteen years. And during that time, I did not magically grow a foot in height. It is not logistically possible without a massive bathroom renovation or accidentally breaking his dick.”

“I never understood shower sex,” Maggie mused. “Seems like a waste of water.”

“Yes,” Emily agreed. “And honestly, sometimes the shower is the only place I get to be alone. My kids don’t even let me pee in peace.

Taking a shower after they’ve gone to bed and shaving my legs, or deep conditioning my hair, it’s a luxury to me.

I don’t want a needy penis all up in my business when I’m having my alone time. ”

We all laughed. Emily was zany and loud, but smart and oh, so funny. I knew how much she loved Derek and her kids, but I could also see how the demands of three kids plus a husband who travels wore on her sometimes.

“Hm…” Cece mused. “I mostly just go down on Liam in the shower. It’s faster and safer.”

“Good call. Do you have any ideas how many times I’ve almost torn a ligament trying to contort myself in the shower for him?

” I could only imagine. Emily was notoriously klutzy as a child and was known for being super accident-prone.

My Aunt Connie joked the Havenport Hospital should have a wing named after her because she spent so much time there getting stitches and casts for her various injuries.

“The last thing I need is to have to explain to the ER doctor how I dislocated my shoulder.”

Maggie chuckled. “As your health care provider, let me assure you that is not a conversation I want to have with you in a clinical setting.”

Emily patted her hand. “Thanks, Maggie.”

Nora took a sip of coffee. “Oh, Mags, have you treated any sex injuries?”

Maggie’s eyes flashed, and I could tell she wanted to spill. “I can’t tell you details.”

“Yeah, yeah. Patient confidentiality. I know that. But give us something.”

We all leaned forward.

Maggie played with the end of her ponytail. “STIs. So many STIs and so many antibiotic scripts written. Trust me, some of the people would be the ones you least expect.”

We all laughed.

“But I’ve had a few minor sex injuries. Nothing super crazy.” She thought for a minute. “Ooh. But when Josh was a resident doing his GI rotation, he did remove some weird objects from colons.”

“Gross,” Cece said. “So people stuck weird shit up their assholes?”

“So much weird shit. I think that’s why he didn’t go into that specialty,” she mused.

“Good man. I also try to avoid butt stuff when I can.”

“Don’t we all, ladies?”

“Hey, don’t knock it till you try it!”

“Oh, Emily,” we all groaned.

After two mimosas, three cups of black coffee, and a massive plate of corned beef hash, I was relaxed, happy, and having a blast with my new friends. They were all so different, but they supported and loved each other fiercely. I felt proud that they had invited me into their circle.

“So what about you, Astrid?” Emily asked. “Do you want kids?”

I would normally not get into this line of questioning, but I had been buttered up with alcohol and delicious breakfast food and discussions of shower sex and butt stuff. “I do,” I said, matter-of-factly. “But not for at least another five or six years.”

Emily looked at me. “Sweetie you’re almost thirty-three. If you want them, you should probably at least think about it before then.”

“Oh,” I said, “I froze my eggs when I was twenty-eight.” I shrugged. It was expensive, and the hormones made me a bit crazy, but it was worth it not to have to stress about my dwindling fertility along with my billable hours.

“Why?” Cece asked.

“Everyone does it.”

“Do they really?”

“Everyone in my world. All the women at my firm go to the same clinic. It’s practically required.

” When we showed up as fresh law school grads they implied we would be working so hard for the next fifteen years that we would never have time to actually make a baby the old-fashioned way, so it was best to rely on science to help.

“A partner just had a healthy baby last year at forty-seven.”

“Do you want to have a baby at forty-seven?”

“I’m thirty-three and I am so exhausted I can barely function. I can’t imagine sleepless nights and potty training when I’m pushing fifty,” Emily said. And she was clearly telling the truth, as her dark under-eye circles and messy hair did not lie.

I hadn’t really thought about it before.

I guess I just compartmentalized so well I never stopped to think about it.

I did the responsible thing. I planned ahead so when the time came I could do it, even if I was super old.

But part of me also figured the odds were not great that I would ever be a mother.

Why? Because there simply wasn’t time in my life. Not for meeting a guy and building the requisite relationship necessary to procreate with someone. And frankly I didn’t want to devote the time.

Maggie looked at me kindly. “It’s worth it.

I get it. I have a busy career too. And although my marriage is shit now, I have never regretted having my kids.

I had my daughter really young, which completely destroyed my plan to go to medical school.

But she is worth it. Being a mother changed me and transformed me and has enriched my life in so many unexpected ways. ”

She wiped a tear away from her cheek. Nora put her arms around her and squeezed. “We love you, sweetie.”

“Thanks. I love you guys too,” she said.

Cece leaned over to me. “Maggie and her husband have been separated for a few months.”

I nodded. “I’m so sorry.”

Maggie snapped back to her normal self. “Don’t be. Life is too short to be in a bad marriage.”

She forced herself to smile. “And seeing my sister so wildly and passionately in love made me realize that I deserve that too. So maybe someday I’ll find it.

” Cece blushed, and I saw that sisterly bond in the way they looked at one another.

I had spent most of my life yearning for a sibling.

I figured that when I hit adulthood, being an only child wouldn’t bother me anymore.

If anything it was worse. Adult life was lonely and isolating and I wished I had siblings to share it with.

“I’ll drink to that,” Nora said.

We all raised our mimosas and coffee cups. “To wild passionate love.”

Nora was not wrong. These ladies shared everything.

And as the outsider, they were kind enough to just let me sit there and observe.

I admired their friendship. Emily was my cousin, so I had known her my entire life, but these women saw a completely different side of her, and I was jealous.

I was jealous of their friendship and the trust they had in one another.

They supported and loved each other but they also laughed a lot.

No one could take themselves too seriously with this crew.

How long had it been since I had a close, trusted friend? Maybe college? But I had let all my significant friendships wither and die because I had no time.

I had no one to blame but myself for my current predicament.

I knew what I had signed up for. I saw my mom’s life.

I knew the toll it would take. But it wasn’t until now, sitting at this diner with these sassy and funny women, that I started to truly understand what I had been missing out on. And it didn’t feel good.