Page 277 of The Havenport Collection

Sam

I had never felt so bold in my life. And I had gone skydiving and swam with sharks. I was not exactly a wallflower, but throwing myself at my childhood best friend, and in public no less? That was a leap, even for me.

But it was so perfect.

While I had envisioned kissing Gio so many times since sixth grade, nothing could have prepared me for him. His firm, supple lips, his strong hands on my body, and the taste of him. Sweet and masculine and addictive.

And although I not only crossed the friendship line but thoroughly obliterated it with my lips, tongue, and hands, things didn’t feel wrong.

We walked, arm in arm, through downtown toward my grandparents’ place.

The night was warm and clear and it just felt so damn good.

I kept glancing over at him, biting my lip and trying to suppress a nervous giggle.

He looked happy and relaxed, as if trying to reassure me that we were still us, that things had not irrevocably changed forever because I had thrown myself at him in the street.

But somewhere, deep within myself, things had changed. I was growing, right then and there. I was pushing myself, and while I was terrified, I also knew it was what I needed to do.

Because I wasn’t going to back down. I wasn’t going to let cancer win. I was going to do what I wanted to do. Maybe it was the dress, maybe it was the fancy eyelashes or the lipstick, but I felt unstoppable tonight.

Suddenly, I couldn’t remember ever having a single platonic thought about Gio.

All I saw were his rippling shoulder muscles under his button-down shirt, his round butt perfectly showcased in those dark washed jeans, and his stubble.

Oh my God, the thick and dark, yet perfectly trimmed beard that scratched against my cheek, making me wonder if other parts of my body would react as strongly to it.

I cursed my younger self for not throwing myself at this kind, beautiful man. Over the years, I had dated a lot of different men, and some were great. But at this moment, I couldn’t even remember their names.

Suddenly, all the reasons I had held on to since junior high seemed to disappear, replaced by pure adult lust. I knew Gio would be an incredible lover. He was detail-oriented, thoughtful, and generous. He kissed me like he was savoring every second—his mouth, hands, and body totally engaged.

My life was in a tailspin; all my carefully constructed plans and goals had flown out the window. And I didn’t even care.

I was living in the moment, this moment, and I didn’t want it to end.

When we reached the house, the words almost got stuck in my throat. “Do you want to talk?”

He nodded. “Should we head inside?”

“Good idea.” I unlocked the door, threw my purse and shoes on the couch, and headed to the kitchen where I poured glasses of water for both of us. My hand shook, and I started to feel nervous. What if this had been a mistake? What if I had ruined everything?

By the time we were settled on the couch, my bravery was waning.

I took his hand and squeezed. He smiled at me, the kindest, shyest smile I had ever seen from him. Not his usual smooth Gio grin—this was more earnest, more hopeful. It made me want to kiss him even more.

“So when I kissed you earlier…”

He raised one eyebrow.

“I was curious.”

He dropped my hand and looked defeated. Clearly that was not what he wanted to hear.

“Sorry,” I said. “I’m screwing this up. Let me start over. I’ve thought a lot about kissing you over the years. A lot. And more recently.”

He looked up at me, eyes shining.

“Cancer has a way of clearing a lot of the bullshit out of your life and making you realize what’s important. And you are important to me, Gio. You are my best friend, and I would never want to jeopardize that. Which is why, despite wanting to, I’ve never kissed you before.”

“Okay.” He ran his hands through his hair, making his usually perfectly coiffed strands stand on end. It was adorable.

“That kiss was pretty great.”

He leaned in and grinned. “I’d say fucking fantastic, personally, but if you want, I’ll do better the second time.”

My thighs clenched. If a smirk and the memory of one kiss were making me this hot and bothered, could I even handle more with him?

I scooted away from him, trying to summon my courage to say what I needed to say. “I have three weeks until I start chemo and then there is the mastectomy and then radiation and reconstruction.”

“I’m so sorry, Sam.”

I held up a hand. “I don’t want your pity. I’ve accepted this and realized how lucky I am. This is going to be difficult, but I can handle it.”

“How can I help? Can I drive you to appointments? Bring you food? Admittedly, I can’t cook, but I can bully Matteo into making you gourmet meals every day. Just say the word.”

I laughed. Gio was a disaster in the kitchen, but he was so sweet. And his face was so kind and so earnest. I wanted to kiss him again and again.

“I can bring movies, flowers, puzzles. I will distract you and take care of you, Sam.”

My heart swelled. Even after all these years, Gio was still Gio. Good to the core in every way.

“Thank you for the kind offers. Truly. But what I need is a little…different.” I looked down at my hands, knotted in the green afghan my grandma kept draped over the couch.

Gio put his arm around me, pulling me close. “Sam, it’s me. Whatever you need. Just say the word.”

And that was exactly the problem. This wasn’t some random hot guy. This was the man in my life. The man I measured everyone up against. The person who had never let me down and always supported me, whether I was catching frogs or cramming for the SAT.

Suddenly, all my newfound confidence had completely fizzled.

The grand plan I had hatched—to seduce him, to have the fling to end all flings—suddenly felt stupid.

What was I doing? Trying to blow up one of the best things in my life because I was feeling insecure about losing my breast?

Potentially hurting someone I loved deeply and respected?

I shook my head. I was selfish. This was all selfish.

But then I looked at him and saw the man who built me up. The man who joked and flirted with me to distract from my health crisis. And the man who was tall and strong and painfully sexy. And I knew I just had to do it. Take the leap.

“So when I start treatment, my body will change. It’s not just the loss of my breast and the reconstruction. Chemo will do horrible things to me—put me into early menopause, make my hair fall out, and inflict a lot of terrible side effects. It will not be pretty.”

Gio looked up, his eyes shining, and grabbed my hand. “I know you are scared. But you have so many people you can lean on.”

“What if I’m not enough? What if this breaks me?”

“You?” he scoffed. “Not enough? You are everything, Sam. Fierce and smart and kind. And an amazing friend. Beautiful and funny and maddeningly complicated.”

In my head, I heard a record scratch. “Wait. You think I’m beautiful?”

“Of course I do. I’ve told you that a hundred times.”

I crossed my arms. “Um…no you haven’t. You’ve told me I looked pretty or you liked my new haircut.”

“Same thing.”

I shook my head. “No it’s not.”

It wasn’t as though Gio didn’t notice me. I had caught him noticing me several times over the years—he wasn’t the oblivious type—and I had certainly noticed him.

I had noticed the chest hair that peeked out above the top button of his dress shirt. I’d noticed how strong and thick he had become since he was a skinny teen. And I’d noticed the crinkles around his eyes when he smiled.

He took a minute, studying my face and collecting his thoughts.

My heart danced in my chest. It felt like we were on the precipice of something terrifying and exhilarating.

He took my hand.

“Let me fix this terrible error immediately. Sam, you are beautiful. Inside and out. I probably never told you outright because I’ve accepted it as an incontrovertible fact since that day I met you at seven years old.”

“Oh.” I wasn’t sure how to reply. I tried to focus on breathing because I’m pretty sure my heart stopped when he said the word beautiful.

“And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you until now. But yes. I look at you and see beauty. Inner and outer. The kind of beauty that makes me want to be more, do more just so I can justify being your best friend.”

He pulled me close and kissed my forehead. My heart pounded and my stomach clenched. I was feeling so many things right now, and my brain kept hearing the word “beautiful” on repeat.

My entire body vibrated with affection, longing, and pure, old-fashioned lust. I had always been attracted to Gio physically, but right now, after hearing his words, I could barely keep my clothes on.

“I want to have sex.” I blurted out. My vision narrowed and I felt the greasy pizza threatening to come back up. But I had to push forward. I had to take the risk.

He stared at me blankly while I cursed my propensity for oversharing.

“With you,” I added, trying to salvage the situation.

His eyes bulged and his mouth went slack, only for a second before he composed himself. He ran his hand over his face.

“Are you serious? What? Why?”

This was not going as well as I had hoped. I wanted him to agree and immediately ravage me, but apparently that was not in the cards tonight.

“Because I am having a crisis of womanhood. I am facing this horrifying, scary thing. Facing my own mortality. And I want something good and beautiful and fun to help me cope with this loss.”

He nodded, looking skeptical. As if he was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“I have always been attracted to you. In addition to being devastatingly handsome, you are kind and smart and I love your dirty sense of humor.”

He smirked.

“And there were a few times I felt something more between us. Something intense and powerful. And I’ve always wondered.”