Page 167 of The Havenport Collection

Josh

W e woke up the next morning to find a clear sky and plowed driveway.

Knowing we were free to leave was bittersweet.

In the last forty-eight hours, Maggie and I had fought and listened, fucked and made love.

It had been the most intense two days of our marriage, and I worried things would revert back to the way they’d been for months once we got back to the real world.

After packing up and another round in the massive bed, we set off for Havenport.

We spent most of the ride sharing snacks and singing along with Jimmy Eat World and other bands we’d love in college. It was only when we had crossed back into Massachusetts that my phone rang, the number on the screen unfamiliar.

“Hello,” I answered warily when the call connected through the car’s Bluetooth.

“Josh. It’s great to hear your voice. It’s been too long.” Dr. Collins’s voice echoed loudly in the small space. Shit. I really didn’t want to chitchat with him right now.

“Thank you, sir. It’s great to hear from you. How is the family?”

“They’re fine,” he dismissed, his words clipped. “Visiting my in-laws for the holidays. Listen, an exciting opportunity has come up, and it’s perfect for you.”

I said nothing, just squeezed Maggie’s hand as I drove.

She tensed, and her breath hitched at his words. After everything that had happened, reality was crashing back in, and we hadn’t even made it home yet.

Dr. Collins went on and on about another Big Pharma job he had heard about and wanted to recommend me for. As soon as it was polite to interject, I thanked him politely and wrapped up the conversation.

Maggie and I had opened ourselves up. We had laid everything out, and there was no going back.

After a quick look in the rearview mirror, I glanced at her, then focused on the road in front of me again, my heart picking up its pace. She had paled in the passenger seat. Her window was cracked several inches and she was gulping the cold winter air.

I squeezed her hand harder in a desperate attempt to thwart the panic rising up inside me.

“Maggie. Talk to me,” I said.

She stared at the scenery flying by, her face frozen into a neutral expression. This ice queen act was a familiar sight, but it was bullshit; she was upset.

“After all the progress we made this weekend, I’m not letting you tap out again. Don’t shut down. Please don’t shut me out,” I said.

“You want to know what I’m thinking?” she asked. “I’m thinking that I can’t go through this again. I can’t fall in love with you again only to lose you to your obsession with work and making money.”

I sighed. Maybe we hadn’t made as much progress as I thought.

“It hurt so much the first time. I won’t survive it again,” she said, tears rolling down her cheeks.

Her words gutted me. “I’m not interested in that job. Or any corporate job at all. I was serious when I said I want to keep practicing medicine but at a slower pace.”

“You say that now. But there will always be the next promotion, the next job, the next big opportunity.”

I blew out a long breath. “That’s not who I am anymore.

The thought of going back there makes me want to vomit.

The pressure, the stakes, the cutthroat competition.

I went into medicine to help people, and that’s what I want to do.

The big city hospitals have plenty of talented doctors.

Other places do not. I’m going to find my place.

And I’m going to find what makes me happy professionally. ”

She nodded, wiping her tears away.

“But whatever that is, it will always come second to my family. You and the kids are my top priority.”

I pulled up in front of our house, praying she’d ask me to come in, to move back in. “You can’t look me in the eye and tell me you don’t believe me, can you? That my actions over the past few months haven’t demonstrated that?” I asked.

She smiled. “You have been amazing. I mean, folding my undies may have been a bit over the top, but I appreciate everything you’ve done.”

I chuckled. Maybe she was coming around.

My heart clenched when she cupped my cheek and regarded me for several quiet seconds. “I have felt supported. I have felt loved. And so have the kids. Thank you for that.”

“So let me come home. Please. Let’s rededicate ourselves to each other and our family.”

“I want that so much,” she said, tears welling her eyes again. “Staying strong has been so hard. Putting on a brave face in front of the kids, in front of the town—it’s been crushing me.”

“But you don’t have to do that anymore.”

She unbuckled her seat belt and shifted away from me, wiping her tears on her sleeve. “I just need time to think. You’ve been amazing. You’ve done everything right. It’s me. I’m the problem. My stupid brain and my stupid heart need a little time to catch up.”

She grabbed her bag from the back seat and walked into our house without looking back, leaving me alone and devastated.