Page 143 of The Havenport Collection

Callum

I rolled over on the couch and almost fell off. My head was fuzzy, and the sunlight streaming through the windows burned my eyes.

“Open up, fucker.” Declan’s deep voice boomed through the door. What time was it? Why was he here? What day was it? Why was it light outside?

“I will kick the door down.”

I heard another voice. “Cut the shit, Declan.” Oh, that sounded like Astrid.

“Callum Quinn. Open this door right fucking now.” I jolted. Astrid didn’t yell or scream, she just commanded with her scary lawyer voice. I jumped off the couch, tried to stop the room from spinning, and opened the door.

Declan and Astrid were standing there looking annoyed and holding several shopping bags. Ginger, Declan’s dog, was with them. She walked past me, not even bothering to spare my pathetic ass a look.

“Why are you here?” I asked, trying to be polite.

“Trent, Liam, and Cece are on their way,” Astrid said as she walked around the apartment, inspecting it.

It was still barren and soulless, but messier than usual. I hadn’t felt much like doing laundry or cleaning in the past few days. And I missed the warmth of Violet’s farmhouse. The big family kitchen, cozy nights by the fire pit, all of it. My own place seemed like a barren wasteland in comparison.

“Have you left this place in the last week?” Declan asked, barely concealing his disgust.

Astrid walked by me, pinning me with a sympathetic look. “Sure doesn’t smell like it,” she quipped.

I lay back down on the couch and closed my eyes. It was much better this way. I heard Declan and Astrid talking, but ignoring them seemed like the best plan. I didn’t have the energy to argue with them or kick them out of my house at the moment.

I would just lie here until it didn’t hurt anymore. Until I didn’t feel like total shit. At the rate I was going, I had a solid seven or eight months to go.

“What did we miss?” Liam asked, walking in with Cece and Trent. He was so insufferable these days. The love just radiated off his smug face.

“Cal hasn’t gotten off the couch in a week,” Astrid said, scratching Ginger behind the ears. Cece walked toward the couch and stood above me. I opened my eyes and looked up at her.

Trent walked over and gave me a somber nod. “Sorry, bud.”

“We’re here if you need us,” Cece said, gently squeezing my shoulder before heading off in the direction of the coffee. I closed my eyes again and resumed lying on the couch, ignoring everyone as they discussed me like I wasn’t even there.

Soon enough the smell of coffee wafted over, pulling me up from my couch coma. I could really use a cup or ten, and whatever Declan was brewing smelled heavenly. My brother may have been an asshole, but he was an awesome cook.

I wandered over to the kitchen island where everyone was slathering fresh bagels with cream cheese. “You brought bagels?” I was pleasantly surprised.

Havenport had been home to Isaac’s Bagels for multiple generations.

But Isaac was in his eighties and only made so many bagels per day.

All the early birds in town would line up at five a.m. to get his fresh bagels, and he closed up shop when he sold out, which was usually around six a.m. Getting these bagels was like winning the lottery. I hadn’t had one in months.

“We even got you onion—which is gross, by the way,” Declan stated. “Astrid and I got up super early in the hopes that a handmade onion bagel would snap your ass out of this funk.”

I grabbed the bagel in question and breathed in its yeasty aroma. My stomach grumbled. I hadn’t been eating much, and I was overcome with ravenous hunger. I grabbed a knife and dug in.

“Thank you, Astrid,” I said with my mouth full. Declan wasn’t wrong. I was feeling better already.

“You mind telling us what happened?” Liam asked as my mouth was full of my second bagel.

I shrugged. “It’s over.”

“So that’s why you were seen wandering around town last weekend in the early morning wearing a tuxedo.”

I closed my eyes, wishing I lived anywhere on earth but Havenport. I didn’t respond.

“You were seen by multiple people. You know the elderly get up really early,” Declan said.

“Mrs. Hoffman was on her way to tai chi when she said she saw you.”

“Yup. And I heard from Jackie at the diner that Leslie Walker was up with her new baby—poor thing has colic—and she saw you walk by in your tux.”

“There were multiple confirmed sightings,” Astrid agreed. She had lived in this town for nine months and she was already plugged into the gossip network.

I swallowed my last bite of bagel. “Violet and I argued. We broke up. I did exactly what I knew I would. I fucked it up.”

Cece topped off my coffee cup. “I’m so sorry,” she said, and I smiled. She was so kind and really was too good for my idiot brother.

Astrid propped up her elbows and rested her chin in her hands. “Give us the details. What happened? What did you say? We can figure out how to fix it.” Ever the attorney, she leaned in, eager for the details.

I shrugged. “It can’t be fixed.”

“You don’t know that,” Cece said, wrapping her arms around Liam’s neck.

I pushed Liam off the barstool and shot him a look. “Let your fiancée sit down,” I said to him. He grumbled and let Cece take the stool next to me. I took a big sip of black coffee and gave them the quick version of the fight after the wedding.

“Sounds like a simple misunderstanding. What did she say after you fought?” Cece asked sweetly.

“I don’t know. I haven’t talked to her.”

“What?” she exclaimed, obviously shocked.

Declan slapped the countertop, shaking my mug. “Why not?”

“We fought, and it’s over.” I shrugged.

“Did she say that explicitly?” Astrid asked.

“No, she said get the fuck off her property.”

“Yes. Because she was mad, and you were being an idiot,” Declan retorted.

Cece shot him a look and touched my arm. “Did you call her?”

“No.”

“Text her?” Trent offered.

“No.”

“Go to her house?” Cece asked.

“No.”

“Write her a letter?” Declan winked at Astrid, and I was clearly missing some inside joke.

“No.”

“Why the fuck not?” Liam grumbled.

Declan slapped his forehead. “So you got in an argument, as many couples do. And instead of calming down, apologizing, and explaining, you just stopped speaking to the poor woman?”

“You are a lost cause, bro,” Liam said, shaking his head.

“Thank you for your kindness, assholes.”

I got up and refilled my coffee cup. I was feeling physically better, but I still hated myself, and the family interrogation was not helping matters.

“You didn’t think maybe to talk to her?” Trent asked.

“She’s under a lot of pressure right now,” Astrid said. “There is so much happening at the farm, not to mention the wedding.” She pointed at Cece and Liam who stared at each other lovingly.

Trent agreed, “She has a lot on her plate. You couldn’t just call her?”

“I didn’t think she would want to hear from me.”

He look confused. “I thought you were in love with her.”

“I am definitely in love with her, but that is even more reason just to let things fizzle.” Even if my actions didn’t cause irreparable damage this time, next time they probably would. “I’m a mess. I’m not good for anyone, especially not Violet and her kids.”

My brothers shook their heads at me, clearly disappointed.

Astrid stepped closer. “You know that’s not true, Callum.

” Deep down I wanted to believe she was right, but my brain was at war.

I wanted Violet fiercely. I wanted to be with her, build a family with her and the boys.

I wanted all those things I never thought I could have.

She made it all seem possible. But I knew better.

I knew my anxiety wouldn’t allow it. I hated having to accommodate my anxiety every day.

It was like an extra fucking person I carried around with me all day.

I had to keep it fed and watered and rested or else it would take over and ruin everything.

I wanted to do better. I wanted to be better. Why couldn’t I snap out of this? I knew—logically—that kind of self-talk was stupid, and that my best was good enough, but sometimes it just felt like too much.

I wanted to be good enough for Violet and the boys. I wanted to be a man she could depend on. The men in her life had been shit so far. I wanted to be more, do better, and help her as much as I could.

But how could I help Violet when I couldn’t even help myself?