Page 260 of The Havenport Collection

Matteo

I was the worst. As if breaking up with Eliza wasn’t painful enough, she insisted on continuing to babysit for Val until I could find someone new. So every afternoon, I came home from the restaurant and watched as she ran out the door to her car, avoiding eye contact with me.

I couldn’t sleep; I couldn’t eat. My self-loathing consumed me, making every day worse than the last. And I missed her. I missed her so much.

And things were heating up with Mandy. Her lawyer had reached out to mine to schedule a mediation. With her track record, my lawyer insisted the state wouldn’t be giving her unsupervised visits anytime soon, so it made sense to talk things out ourselves first.

As much as this was a relief, I certainly didn’t want to go to court. I knew this was just the beginning. Mandy would put up a fight. I was willing to agree to some visitation and welcome her to family events and gatherings here in Havenport, but I worried it wouldn’t be enough.

Valentina was thrilled and excited, and I did everything I could to hide my dread from her.

So of course, I had been a complete asshole to everyone.

Snapping at my staff, arguing with Val about homework, and ignoring Gio when he tried to talk to me about it.

I was miserable, and I was just going to stew in my misery.

Then, as if my life wasn’t shitty enough, she texted me. My heart clenched as I fumbled to unlock my phone.

Eliza: I’m starting a new job on Monday, May 1 st . I’ve been asking around and have two potential babysitter candidates for Val. If you would like I can email you their contact info.

Fuck. Of course I knew this was going to happen. She was a nurse for Christ’s sake; she couldn’t just hang around my house forever. But the thought of not seeing her? It made me nauseous. Was she moving away? Did she find some job as far as possible from me?

I debated how to respond.

Matteo: That’s great. How are you?

I waited as those tantalizing dots showed up on the screen. I waited for her response, desperate to hear that she was okay and I wasn’t the evil demon who broke her heart.

Then, the dots disappeared, and my heart sank. I had pushed her away. I had kept her a secret and ignored her needs. So why was I so devastated to lose her?

“Dad. Grab the napkins,” Val yelled from the table.

I grabbed napkins and headed over to where Gio was opening a pizza box. He had mercifully come over with pizza and helped Val with her homework so I could catch up on work. We hadn’t talked—I had been avoiding him too—but he clearly knew something was up.

“Thanks for the pizza, Uncle Gio,” Val said, grabbing a slice. “Dad has been making me eat peanut butter and jelly for dinner this week.”

“The chef isn’t cooking for his little girl?”

“Nope. And I volunteered to make my own chicken nuggets, and he yelled at me that I would burn the house down. I’m eight; I know how to preheat an oven.”

“I’ve been busy,” I grunted.

“Don’t mind him,” Val explained. “He’s been extra grumpy. I think it’s because Eliza is mad at him.”

Gio shot me a look. “Really?”

“Yup. My dad did something bad, but I don’t know what. But she’s very upset. And now he’s grumpy because he loves her so much.”

“Val, stop. What are you talking about?” I had reached the end of my rope. The last thing I needed was sass from my kid and my asshole brother.

She got up out of her chair, walked over, and gave me a hug. “I love you, Dad. And I can tell you’re sad. Because I know Eliza makes you happy. You smile more when she’s around and you laugh a lot.”

God, why did she have to be so perceptive? I smirked. “Eliza is pretty funny.”

“And I think she’s pretty.”

“She is pretty.” That was irrefutable.

“So say sorry and ask her out on a date,” Val said excitedly. “A real date. You know, buy her nice flowers, dinner, and then ice cream. Oooh, how about a romantic walk in the rain? Like in the movies.”

I was going to have to confiscate her iPad. Where was she getting this shit? “What movies are you watching?”

She patted my cheek. “Don’t worry about it, Dad. Just take her on a date.”

“It’s not that easy, kid. Eat your dinner.”

She narrowed her eyes and walked back to her seat.

After sending Val up to bed and silencing any Eliza talk with a scowl, I headed downstairs, knowing the interrogation that would commence. I found Gio in the kitchen, staring at his phone. He slid an open beer over to me, and I took a long sip.

We sat in silence for a few minutes while Gio frowned at his phone.

“Do I want to ask?” I said, tipping my beer back.

Slowly, he placed the phone down and turned to face me. “I’ll tell you later. But for now, what the fuck happened to make you such a dick? I know your natural level of asshole, but this is way beyond the norm.”

I cringed. “I broke things off with Eliza.”

“I assumed. And?”

I shrugged, avoiding eye contact. “And nothing.”

“You’re in love with her.”

“That’s immaterial.”

He rubbed his forehead. “You are impossible. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what happened.”

“I don’t want help,” I snapped. “I just need to move on and forget about her.”

“If this current apocalyptic mood is any indication, you desperately need help. So just fucking tell me already so I don’t have to beat it out of you like when we were kids. I’m tired. I spent the day sanding down an old oak tree to make a table; it’s hard work.”

“I realized when Val had that asthma attack at school last week that I was too distracted, and I couldn’t keep it up.”

“Distracted? Of course you were a bit distracted; you were in love. It’s distracting as hell.”

“Like you would know?”

“I know more than you think, brother. Val was fine; it was one small incident. Don’t be a dumbass, and plug in your phone next time. You didn’t need to break up with her over it.”

“It’s more than that. I’ve got Mandy breathing down my neck and the constant panic about losing custody. I’ve got a struggling business and no funds to hire more help. And I have the constant certainty that Eliza deserves more than I could ever give her.”

Gio looked annoyed at me, but before he could respond, I heard tiny footsteps on the stairs.

We both paused, and he nodded at me.

“So that’s why I think a unicorn would totally kick a narwhal’s ass in a fight,” he said loudly.

I suppressed a chuckle.

“We know you’re there, Val,” I called out. I heard the little steps come down the stairs, and she walked into the kitchen in her Ravenclaw nightgown.

“Were you eavesdropping on us?”

“Yup,” she said, no hint of remorse.

“It’s way past bedtime. Get upstairs.”

“No. This is a family emergency, and I think the normal bedtime should be suspended.”

Gio laughed.

“A family emergency?”

She put her hands on her hips. “Yes. You are in love with Eliza and you pushed her away, and she doesn’t want to be my babysitter anymore, and you are being really mean and Uncle Gio and I just want to help.”

My face softened. I loved how protective she was. “Sweetie, this is an adult thing. I’m handling it.”

“You’re not doing a very good job. I think you need me.”

Gio laughed again and pulled up a chair for her. I buried my face in my hands.

“We should FaceTime Auntie Nora. She always knows what to do. I’ll get my iPad.”

Jesus. I was gripped by the sudden desire to flee my own home.

Val produced an iPad, and Nora’s face showed up on the screen. She was at Luke’s New York apartment for business and looked annoyed.

“Hey girl, it’s late,” she said to Val. “I assume your dad did something bad?”

Val nodded. “Uncle Gio and I need you to help us talk some sense into him.”

She turned the iPad around so I was face-to-face with my sister. “Just tell us what happened, Matteo. I have things to do.”

I started to speak, and Nora held up one finger. We waited and Luke entered the frame, placing an enormous glass of red wine in front of her. She took a sip. “You may continue.”

I gave them a very condensed and kid-friendly explanation of my breakup with Eliza.

“Dad, how could you? Why do you think you have no time for a girlfriend?”

“You are a moron,” Nora threw in. “She is amazing and actually liked you. How could you just throw that away?”

“Guys.” I had to get control of this conversation before it went fully off the rails.

“Gio,” Nora commanded, “smack him in the head for me.” Before I could object, Gio had reached over and smacked me.

“Owww,” I said, punching him in the shoulder.

“I am choosing violence. God dropped a precious gift in your lap. And you are fucking it up. How dumb can you be?” Nora took another big gulp of wine. “Why don’t you think you can be in a relationship if you are in love with the woman?”

“Because I can’t do it. I have too much. I need to be a dad first, and a business owner second, and I can’t possibly give her the time or attention she deserves.”

“Who gave you the right to decide what she deserves?”

She had a point about that. But as I looked around at the three frowning faces, I felt even more defeated. “I know I make it look easy, guys, but I’m drowning over here.”

Gio snorted. “Hate to break it to you, but you aren’t making it look easy.”

“Have you ever stopped to think that maybe you are making things hard on yourself? That you use all your responsibilities as penance and an excuse not to enjoy your life?”

“Shit, Nora, that was deep,” Gio cheered.

“I am not the guy for her,” I responded, feeling resigned.

“Dad.” I looked down at Val. “You always tell me that I can do hard things. That if I want something bad enough, then I can do it, no matter how scary it seems.”

I nodded.

“So maybe you could be the guy for her. Maybe you could do the hard, scary thing and tell her you love her and want to live happily ever after together.”

My heart warmed. My daughter was so insightful, and also way too smart for her own good.

“You have a beautiful heart, sweetie, but this is a bit more complicated,” I explained. “As much as I would love to find a way to be with Eliza, I’m not sure I can, and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Her little face fell. “I am already hurt, Dad! I love Eliza. Did you even think about her feelings?”

“Of course I did!” I snapped and immediately felt bad. She was a confused kid, and I had caused this.

“Did you think about your own feelings?” Nora asked softly.

“My feelings don’t matter,” I replied gruffly

“But maybe they should?” Gio offered. “We all know you are a devoted dad, but at some point, you can’t raise a happy, well-adjusted kid if you don’t take care of your own emotional needs too.”

“Thanks, Oprah.”

“Hate all you want, but you know I’m right. You talk about Eliza like she was some kind of burden, but did you ever stop and consider that she could be a partner? Someone who helped you shoulder the challenges of the day and lifted your spirits?”

“Yes. Someone who enhanced your life and made it more vibrant and wonderful. Like Luke,” Nora added smugly. I stuck my tongue out at her. I was glad Luke made her happy. I would kill him if he didn’t, but I didn’t need to hear about it.

I rubbed my eyes. They were not wrong. And I felt even worse than I had before. Had I thrown away my chance at happiness? Because I was clinging to half-assed assumptions about my life and what I was capable of?

“I’m not sure what to do.”

“You need to find your balls.”

“Nora,” I chastised, pointing to Val. “Watch your language.”

“I know what balls are, Dad. I don’t understand why people think they make you tough. Jacob Morris cried on the playground when I kicked him in the balls.”

“You did what?”

She waved a hand like I shouldn’t worry about it. “He deserved it.”

“They don’t actually make you tough, Val,” Nora explained. “That’s just the patriarchy trying to make women’s bodies inferior to men’s.”

Val narrowed her eyes, clearly considering this explanation. “That sounds about right.”

“I’ll explain more when I come back to Havenport. I’ll take you to Dante’s salon for mani-pedis and I’ll tell you all the ways the patriarchy devalues women’s body parts.”

“Let’s not talk about balls, please,” I said.

“Too late,” Gio added. “But Nora is right. You need to figure out what you want and go after it. Don’t be scared of your feelings and what might happen. If you love her, then you have to give this a chance.”

“A real chance, not some bullshit secret relationship.”

“Nora. Enough with the language.”

“Dad. I’ve heard it before, and she’s right. A secret relationship is bull poop.”

“You need to do better.”

“A lot better.”

“How, guys? I hurt her badly, and trust me, Eliza is no wallflower. She stomped out of here and has not even smiled at me since. I have no shot.”

“Dad, you have us. We can figure it out together, okay?”

I pulled her into my arms and kissed her head. “I love you, sweetie, but I don’t want you to get your hopes up, okay? Things are probably not going to work out.”

“Not with that attitude they won’t.”

Nora snorted. “I love this kid.”

“Luke,” she shouted. “Order some takeout and get over here. We need to help Matteo plan his groveling.”

“Oh yes,” Gio said, rubbing his hands together. “I’ll get snacks. Let Operation Grovel commence.”