Page 246 of The Havenport Collection

Matteo

B owling was torture. I was trying to supervise my kid, act like a normal human in front of Bruno and Barb, who were my biggest parenting allies, and make small talk with my dad, who only wanted to discuss some Italian olive oil scandal.

My brain was whirling, and I wanted nothing more than to go home and go to bed.

But Val was having so much fun with her cousins, and she had been through hell this winter.

She deserved to cut loose and be a kid. I was hit with the soul-crushing realization that she was growing up too fast. I had limited time with her before she wouldn’t want to be seen with me in public, and I had to make the most of these years.

It didn’t help that I kept dropping balls. First, I didn’t wash Val’s soccer jersey for her game yesterday, then I forgot it was my week to supply the orange slices, despite the fact that she reminded me, and then I forgot about Val’s big school project.

We had spent the entire day furiously completing her comic book about her community for the spring project fair, and I was barely hanging on by a thread.

Thank God for Barb, who had every kind of art supply and drove over to supervise as we painstakingly planned the story, drew the pictures, and double- checked everything.

I owed her a bouquet of flowers for her heroism.

And the cherry on top of the shit sundae?

I had another deeply unproductive call with Mandy, who was finalizing her plans to move to Boston.

She would be here next week for her job interview and was looking for apartments.

Things were getting more and more strained between us.

She had made her intentions clear, and I was panicking.

Could I lose Val? The thought of spending a single day without her filed me with dread.

She had medical issues, and I wasn’t sure that Mandy could even handle them appropriately.

She wasn’t a baby anymore, but she was still my little girl.

What if some judge decided Mandy was the better option?

So in addition to the existential dread caused by my ex finally getting her life together, I was also feeling like a complete asshole for the way I treated Eliza. I was really circling the drain tonight.

And she was here. Looking beautiful and surrounded by people her own age. It was eating me up, and I retreated further and further into myself, drinking beer and scowling as the kids had a blast.

She looked sad and fragile. I wanted to gather her up in my arms and tell her how sorry I was and that I wanted to be the guy for her. Then, I’d make her come so many times she forgot about how badly I had acted on Friday night. It was a foolproof plan.

But it was not going to happen. She ignored me and focused all her attention on her friends and that other guy. Gina introduced me to him, and his name was Ryan. I didn’t know his last name, but I assumed it was Assface-Douchebag; he seemed like a hyphenate.

He hovered around Eliza, and I hated it.

There was an intimacy there. He acted like she was his girlfriend, like he had some claim to her.

I wanted to walk over there and throw him down a lane, but instead I gritted my teeth and tried to make small talk with my father while we watched my nieces bowl.

She looked beautiful, in that uniquely Eliza way.

Her hair was down and a bit wavy, just begging for me to run my hands through it.

And she was wearing jeans and a tight T-shirt.

Casual and cute and oh so sexy. She even had her jeans rolled up to reveal those hideous bowling shoes, which she managed to make look adorable.

I ached to go over there and touch her. Have her hit me with one of those bright smiles.

I hated myself. I had no right to be angry or jealous. We had an incredible night together, and I was the one who put on the brakes. I was the one who said we should not continue. I deserved to suffer.

I went to the bar to get some more lemonade for the kids and beer for the adults, when Gio grabbed me by the arm. He had been over talking to a cute blonde, one of Eliza’s friends, for the last thirty minutes.

“Why are you acting psycho?” he said, dragging me by the arm toward the bathrooms.

“No reason.”

“If you can’t act human around Eliza, this is a problem. I think the old folks are going to call the police soon.”

“Stop exaggerating. I’m fine.”

“You are clearly not fine. Get ahold of yourself.”

“She is trying to make me jealous.”

“You are hallucinating. She is hanging out with a large group of friends, some of which are men. I think you need to get your head out of your ass. You pushed her away, not the other way around. You are the asshole here.”

“I know that.”

“Then start behaving like a goddamn adult. Your kid is watching.”

I nodded. He was right. I switched to water, put a smile on my face, and thanked God that we were almost finished playing. I wanted to get out of here as soon as possible.

I knew I had done the right thing. I could barely keep my head above water most days. I didn’t have the bandwidth for a relationship, especially with someone as special as Eliza. This was the kindest thing for everyone.

Too bad it was slowly going to kill me.

After getting Val to bed, I distracted myself by cleaning the house and starting a load of laundry. But my fingers itched for my phone. I wanted to talk to her, to see her, to let her know I couldn’t stop thinking about her.

I had been replaying our night together over and over again.

She was so easy to talk to, she listened and joked, and she made me feel more at ease than I had in years.

And what happened on the beach had scrambled my brain.

The physical connection completely kicked my ass.

She was so sexy and playful and enthusiastic. I wanted her.

Before I could stop myself, I was texting her.

Matteo: You didn’t go home with assface, did you?

Eliza: What are you talking about?

Great job, dumbass. Now I’ve offended her.

Matteo: I’m sorry. That was out of line.

Eliza: You’re fine. I’m fine. Everyone is fine.

Matteo: You’re a bad liar.

The three little dots appeared, showing me she was composing a response, and I waited, watching the screen. Maybe she was going to tell me I was forgiven and she would wear a snowsuit around me from now on so I wouldn’t be tempted to strip her naked every time I saw her.

Then the dots disappeared. I threw my phone on the couch and started to pace around the living room. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t stay away from her. Not when every cell in my body was longing for her.

I needed to apologize. Properly. In person. I couldn’t risk hurting her again.

I called Gio. “I need a favor. Can you come over here? Val is asleep, and I need to run out.”

I heard him yawn. “Sure. But tomorrow you bake me some fresh bread. I’m sick of store bought. And a tray of chicken parm for my troubles.”

“Deal. Just get over here. This won’t take long.”

I had my coat on and my keys in my hands when Gio arrived ten minutes later. “Don’t make things worse,” he yelled as I climbed on my bike.

I headed straight toward her apartment. I felt slightly stalkerish idling outside, but I had come this far; I had to see this through.

I sent her a quick text.

Matteo: Can we talk? I’m outside

I saw a light turn on upstairs and the shade move.

Eliza: Yes.

A few minutes later she walked outside, looking stupidly sexy in a pair of tiny pink shorts and a matching tank top. Her hair was mussed and her face had been scrubbed bare. She looked even younger and more vulnerable, and I felt a pang of regret in my gut.

“Did I wake you?”

She pulled a thin cardigan around her shoulders. “I couldn’t sleep.”

She stood there, arms crossed, looking angry. It was hot. She was also definitely not wearing a bra, which was not helping my focus at all.

It was time to come clean. “I’m sorry. That’s what I came here for. To say it to your face. I am so ashamed of how I acted the other night. I hurt you, and I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have asked you out. I shouldn’t have had sex with you. Being with you reminded me of all the things I can’t have.”

She stood there, staring at me for a moment. I could feel the weight of her gaze on me, and I instantly regretted coming over here. “Your apology sucks.” She turned and walked toward the door.

I grabbed her arm, pulling her toward me. “I am out of my depth here, Eliza. I am fucking everything up all the time. I like you so much, but I can’t handle the thought of hurting you or screwing up something between us.”

“You are not screwing up all the time. You are an amazing person who is doing his best. I think you’re crushing it. You are a devoted dad, you work constantly, and you give back to your community.”

“You don’t hate me?”

She grimaced. “I may hate you a little bit right now.” She held up her two fingers to demonstrate. “Because you gave me incredible orgasms and ruined me for other men.”

Jesus. I could not catch a break. I wanted her to tell me I was a lousy lay and to never speak to her again. These words would be haunting my dreams for years. “Really?” My entire body was beginning to hum. Her presence felt so good.

She looked embarrassed. “Yup. You rocked my world, big guy.” She shrugged. “And while I respect your decision not to take this any further, you can’t expect me to be happy about it.”

She turned to walk away, giving me an eyeful of those shorts. They were so short I could see the curve of her ass under the hem. And she definitely wasn’t wearing panties.

She made it to the door and turned back to me. “Thanks for apologizing. I’ll be okay.”

I need to leave. I need to go home. Leave this poor woman alone.

But I couldn’t move. I was rooted to the spot. My legs wouldn’t work, and my heart was pounding against my rib cage. My head was swirling with affection and lust and my hands ached to touch her.

I walked over to her, pinning her against the brick wall of the alleyway.

“Tell me to go home,” I growled, bending down to kiss her neck.

She let out a sigh as my hands grazed the hem of her shorts, only the thin fabric separating me from the promised land.

“Matteo,” she said in a breathy voice.

My fingers pushed her shorts aside, gently stroking her as I kissed her. She arched up into me, her body telling me exactly what it wanted.

“You tried to make me jealous earlier,” I growled into her ear, biting her ear lobe gently as she shifted against me. “You were talking to that idiot. He had his hands on you.”

She gasped as I slipped one finger inside her. “What do you care?”

“Oh, I care.” I struggled to stay focused as I could feel her wetness on my fingers. “I want to be the one that touches you.”

“Is he your ex?”

She stared at me defiantly while my fingers teased her. “Yes.” She gasped.

“I bet that asshole never devoured your pussy like I did.”

She was riding my hand at this point, gasping and moaning. “And I bet he never made you come like this. He never worshipped you like you deserved.”

She nodded. “You ignored me,” she spat out. “You made me feel like shit.”

I pulled down her tank, taking one nipple into my mouth. “I’m sorry. I wanted to stay away. But I can’t do it. I can’t stay away from you. I want you too fucking badly.”

I felt her inner muscles clamp around my fingers and continued to rub her clit. Her eyes were glassy and her chest heaved. “Now,” I commanded, “I want you to be a good girl and tell me this pussy is mine and only mine. Tell me how no man but me could ever give it what it needs.”

“Matteo.” She gasped as I felt her body shudder. Her climax tore through her, and I loved watching as she threw her head back.

I held her tight as she came down, kissing her deeply.

I slowly withdrew my fingers, bringing them to my lips.

She watched with wide eyes as I licked them, never breaking eye contact.

“We can figure this out,” I said. “I want to be with you.”

She pulled her sweater over her chest. “I like you. But I need to think.”

I nodded. That was more than fair. I had pushed her away only a few days ago.

“Do you want me to leave?” Just getting the words out was almost impossible. I wanted to go upstairs and finish what we had started. Get all this aggression out physically and then pledge myself to her for all eternity.

“No,” she whispered. “I want you to stay.” She paused, looking deeply into my eyes. “But I need you to go.”

Her words broke the spell. I nodded.

She walked over to the door, turning around and giving me a nod before clicking it shut. I waited until I saw the upstairs lights turn on and then got back on my bike.