Page 68 of The Havenport Collection

Astrid

I made my way back to my cottage after an extremely awkward morning with Declan.

I had gone over last night for dinner, and we had fallen asleep watching Game of Thrones on his couch.

I woke up this morning snuggled up to him, drooling on his T-shirt.

How mortifying. I was usually a very light sleeper, but after a few glasses of wine and a gigantic steak that I had shared with Ginger, I was out cold.

It was nice, waking up in his muscular, tattooed arms. His body was warm and strong and I couldn’t help but let my mind wander.

What would it feel like to have him on top of me?

Inside of me? Maybe the vibrator Nora sent me would get some use after all.

Before I could take a shower to rinse off a night of questionable decision-making, my phone rang. I knew this was coming. It was only a matter of days before she found out. I took a breath and answered.

“Hello.”

“Astrid. What is going on?” Her tone was clipped and businesslike, with absolutely no empathy present.

“Hello, Mother. I am well. How are you?”

“Spare me the chit-chat, Astrid. Where are you? And why aren’t you at work?” My mother was all business, all the time. You didn’t get as far as she had by making polite small talk.

“I am in Havenport, Mother. Aunt Connie is letting me stay at her rental cottage.”

“Are you ill? Do you need a doctor? Because I can’t imagine why you are at the beach when you should be at your office.”

“Oh Mother, we both know that you know what is going on.”

“I would like to hear it from my daughter. Do you have any idea how embarrassed I was? Hearing rumors about my own daughter? Scandalous.”

“I think you are exaggerating.”

"I was at the Women In The Law fundraising dinner last night and you were the talk of the table. I met some lovely young woman from Burns & Glenn. Charlotte something or other. She said you had been terminated for making some kind of catastrophic error. That can’t be right.

You don’t make mistakes. I raised you to be careful and diligent. ”

Of course my mother takes my career failure personally. Of course she is thinking about how this makes her look instead of how it makes me feel. It was sadly typical of our relationship.

“Mother, I’ve had a very difficult few weeks. This has not been easy on me. I really can’t argue with you right now.” Dr. Martha had always been insistent that I draw boundaries with my mother. Now I remembered why it was so futile.

“But why? How did this happen? Did you lose focus? Did you bill fewer hours this year than last? Did you waste too much time on your pro bono project and neglect your clients?”

This was the most interest my mother had shown in my life in a decade.

Normally, she didn’t care what I did, as long as I was winning awards and making her look good.

Now, of all times, she decides she wants details?

I knew this was a toxic relationship. I’d had enough therapy to know that.

But I didn’t know how to fix it or if it could be fixed.

I decided to execute the nuclear option.

“No, Mom. If you must know they tried to fire me in retaliation for rejecting the sexual advances of a senior partner.”

The gasp at the other end of the phone was no surprise. I could imagine her choking on her fancy tea in her chambers.

She was still silent.

“I politely turned down his advances on several occasions. And instead of acting like a gentleman, he kicked me off his cases and bad-mouthed me to the other partners. I spent six months doing grunt work to try and get back in their good graces, but you know as well as I do what happens once the rumors about your commitment start.”

“How could this happen? Astrid, did you speak to HR?”

“I spoke to a few trusted people, and they told me that it would hurt my career more than it would hurt his to speak out. And at the time, I thought it was water under the bridge. I didn’t know he was trying to get me fired.”

“Men.” I heard her exhale loudly. As difficult as my mother was, I could trust her hatred of the patriarchy, so at least we had that in common.

“So they fired you?”

“No. First that asshole gave me a terrible review and blamed me for a huge mistake that was made on a key merger.”

“It’s pretext. That’s what it is.”

“So when the managing partner sat me down to try and fire me, I gently pushed back as these accusations were new to me. He then accused me of being too ‘emotional.’”

“I am proud of you for standing up for yourself.” Wow. I hadn’t seen that coming. “But you need to make a plan. What are you doing to find a new position?”

“I can’t do anything right now. They have to do an investigation. The firm is facing malpractice suits and clients are panicking.”

“But surely they will give you a recommendation?”

“No. I refused to sign the liability waiver. So no severance and no recommendation.”

“What? Astrid, what were you thinking? You need to get a new job as soon as possible. You know lawyers cannot have résumé gaps. It makes you look…flighty and unreliable.”

“Mom, what they did was illegal. I have rights, and I'm not going to sign them away.”

My mother let out a loud sigh. “Astrid, I am aware that you have rights. I have devoted my life to upholding those rights. But we both know that there are dire consequences for exercising those rights.”

She wasn't wrong. If I sued a prior employer, no other law firm would ever touch me. I would be persona non grata in the legal community. Lawyers were expected to advocate on behalf of paying clients, but never for themselves.

“This is a terrible situation and one I wished you would never experience. But you’ve got to dust yourself off and find a new job. Keep working and keep succeeding. That’s how you fight sexism.”

“Mom, I disagree. Yes, if I do nothing and keep quiet then I save my own career.

But what about all the other women? What about those who will come after me?

I doubt I was the first woman Max Shapiro sexually harassed, and I won't be the last. If the firm is covering for him and creating a hostile work environment, then they should be held accountable.”

My mom was quiet on the other end of the phone.

She hated making a fuss. Despite being a judge, she would never recommend taking legal action.

It would wreck my reputation as well as hers.

“Astrid, I say this as both your mother and a woman who clawed her way to the top in a man’s world.

I admire your desire to fight the good fight, but it will hurt you personally.

And you’ve worked so hard and have so much potential.

At least consider signing the waiver and moving on with your life? ”

I felt the fire within me extinguish slightly. My mother had a way of taking the wind out of my sails. “I will consider it, Mother.”

“So what have you been doing?” she asked, changing topics. “Reading industry publications and journals? Taking continuing legal education courses?”

“No, Mother, I’ve been exercising and making friends and reading romance novels.”

I could hear her eye roll through the phone. “You can use this time productively. Even if you insist on waiting this out.”

I felt like a small child again, always falling short in her eyes. “I don’t know that I can ever get back to where I was. I don’t think I can rebuild what I lost.” I didn't often make myself vulnerable to anyone, especially my mother, but I was feeling so lost.

“You know as a judge I can’t call in favors or advocate on your behalf.

But I can send you some firms that may be a good fit for your skill set.

Starting over in a new firm will be tough, and you will have to prove yourself one hundred ten percent every day.

But you will get back on the partner track.

You are smart, motivated, and above all else, you are a Wentworth. ”

I sat on Emily’s deck, clutching a hot mug of coffee as we watched her three kids run around the backyard with their dog. Emily, clad in pajamas, day-old eyeliner, and a pink pom-pom hat looked at me quizzically.

“What is going on with you?”

“I’m hungover and cranky.”

She smiled at me. I hated her perkiness right now. “You come back here and land one of the most eligible bachelors in town and yet you are sitting here moping on my porch?”

I shivered. “It’s like twenty degrees out. It’s hard to be cheery in this cold.”

Emily snorted. “You try keeping these little monsters locked up all day. Trust me, if they don’t run around they will eventually turn on me.”

“By the looks of it they’ve turned on each other. Is that Jacob hitting Ezra with a tree branch?”

“It’s fine. He’s the youngest so he’s tough. Coco will break it up.” I looked down at Coco, the twelve-year-old chocolate lab, as she sighed and trotted over to where the kids were attempting murder.

“So what’s eating your ass, and not in the good way?” Emily never failed to thrill me with her dirty mind.

“I’m just frustrated about my firm.”

“You mean your old firm?”

“Why are you being such a Debbie downer?”

“Because I think you need to face reality. You may not be going back to law firm life. Don’t give me that sad puppy face. I didn’t say you wouldn’t go do something else awesome. Why aren’t you sending out résumés?”

She was annoying me. I thought she was on my side.

“Without a recommendation from Burns & Glenn or a reasonable explanation for why I was terminated, I have no shot at another job right now. Especially as the legal gossip is already spreading.” I pushed my hands through my hair, frustrated and exhausted.

“So what are you going to do?”