Page 125 of The Havenport Collection

“I’m just saying there is nothing to be sorry about. I liked it. I enjoyed myself. I have spent some time thinking about what might have happened had we not been interrupted.”

He groaned again, and I smirked. I couldn’t help it. I wasn’t one of those people who could hide their attraction. And most of the time I didn’t want to. I was an open book, but not with Callum.

“I remember it, you know.” His voice was quiet, almost a whisper.

“Our first kiss?” I still remembered everything about it, even after all these years.

He sighed.

“It was my first kiss,” I admitted.

“It was mine too.”

“Really? I figured you were the experienced one. You were the star of our high school. Girls must have been lining up to kiss you,” I said teasingly.

“I don’t know about that. But you know my parents. They were super strict, and there was so much pressure on me back then. It was overwhelming. And I was so focused on school and soccer and being the perfect son that I didn’t make much time for girls.”

“Until…”

“Until I saw you dancing with some friends after school one day. I will never forget it. You were wearing a yellow sweatshirt and doing cartwheels. Your hair was flying everywhere, and you looked so effervescent, so beautiful, that I wanted to know you.” His voice was soft and dreamy.

This was a side of him I had never experienced before.

I wanted to wrap myself up in his voice and forget about my problems for a few minutes.

He continued to surprise me. To say he was not my type was an understatement. He was not a musician, artist, or yoga instructor, and he was so…straightlaced and uptight.

But I really liked him. I liked his sneaky sense of humor, his kind heart, and his protective instincts. His stupidly handsome face and swimmer’s bod certainly didn’t hurt either.

But I couldn’t mess things up. The boys and I had been given a fresh start in Havenport. And I wasn’t going to compromise that. Not for a few lousy orgasms. Although I doubted they would be lousy.

Callum was intense and strategic. There was no reason to think he wouldn’t bring that focus to my body. He was probably the type that could read and react to every little signal and would end up knowing me better than I knew myself. And for the past few years I had known myself PLENTY.

But I had to stay focused and ignore my screaming hormones. Getting involved with anyone was a terrible idea, and getting involved with Callum Quinn, Havenport’s golden boy, was even worse.

My instincts had gotten me into nothing but trouble for almost thirty-five years. I chose the wrong guys, the wrong jobs, and always went left when I should have turned right. So I was going to ignore lusty thoughts Callum inspired and keep my focus where it belonged—on my children and the farm.

“I can only be friends,” I said, forcing the words out of my mouth.

“Okay…”

“I’m sorry. I’m just ignoring my instincts right now.”

“Why?”

“Because I can’t trust my instincts. All they have done is lead me astray my entire life.

I should have gotten a useful degree. I should have spent my twenties building a career.

Instead I traveled and had fun and learned things.

And what do I have to show for it?” I sighed.

I hated airing my hot mess to him, but I wanted him to understand, really understand, that I couldn’t get involved with him.

“I’m terrified that I don’t have the skills to turn this farm around.

That I don’t have the skills to lead this business for the next generation.

I don’t even know what I’m doing most days.

And to top that off, I have two sweet, beautiful boys who have no dad and who just moved across the country, and the only life they’ve ever known is with a stressed, overworked, and overwhelmed mom. ”

“I’m here for you, Violet, whatever you need.”

“I appreciate that. So as much as I want to kiss you and do all sorts of irresponsible things to you and with you, I can’t. Because I have too much at stake right now. And I really hope you can understand that.”

“I understand.” I detected a hint of disappointment in his voice.

“Are you okay with that?” I asked. Part of me wanted him to say no, he wanted much more than friendship.

“Of course. And just watch out, because I am an amazing friend.”

“I’m sure you are.” I laughed.

“Yes. I can friend all day long. I have amazing friend stamina. I am going to friend you so good you won’t be able to walk in the morning.”

“I’m not sure that analogy works, Cal.”

“It sounded awesome in my head.”

“I’m sure.”

“Vi.”

“Yes.”

“I wish things were different.”

“Me too.” And it was the truth. I wanted to be a different person, a person who could make room in her life for Callum.

Someone who could let herself be wrapped up in his intensity and his devotion.

But I wasn’t. I was a hot mess single mom trying to start over in a small town.

I wasn’t going to snag the handsome hero and get my happily ever after.