Page 217 of The Havenport Collection

Nora

W e were curled up on Luke’s couch, sipping tea and snuggling in front of the fire.

We had come over here for the working fireplace and his superior snacks.

I hated putting our clothes back on, but this felt so cozy and nice I didn’t mind much.

Besides, I got the feeling Luke would be getting under my old sweatshirt shortly.

“Can I safely assume that you don’t hate me anymore?” he asked, kissing the top of my head.

I shifted closer to him, and I breathed in his scent deeply.

“I suppose not. But you’re on probation.” I arched an eyebrow at him and his eyes twinkled with mischief.

“Oh really? What kind of probation?”

“Asshole probation. Things are looking good. But I’ll reserve judgment.”

He kissed me again, perhaps to distract me. And I kissed him back. Because I could. After all these years I finally knew what his lips felt like, and I couldn’t get enough.

“What about you?” I asked. “Do you still hate me?”

“Nora, I’ve never hated you. Sure I like to rile you up and verbally spar with you. And yes, I have always been a bit annoyed that you seemed to despise me so much. But I have truly never hated you.”

“You could have. I was pretty awful to you.” I cringed at the thought of my actions over the past six years. How I took his rejection and allowed my own insecurities to twist it into a hard knot of hatred.

“No. You made me earn your friendship. You weren’t nice to me just because I was rich. I respect that.”

“I was downright nasty to you. And I’m sorry.” I shifted uncomfortably. “That was not a great time for me. I had just found out Chip was engaged and was in a bad place. Jeanious Bar was struggling to get off the ground, and I was desperate for any kind of validation or attention.”

He pulled me closer, smelling my hair and managing to squeeze my boob with his free hand. It was both sweet and a bit pervy, a combination I was quickly falling for.

“But I actually have to thank you. The anger I felt at you, the anger I felt at myself, it propelled me forward. Made me stronger and tougher and helped fuel me as I started my business.”

“You have always been strong and tough, Nora. It had nothing to do with me.”

“Maybe. But I had no confidence. I was so into you. I remember thinking what an ass you were, surrounded by your posse of drunk, obnoxious tech bros. But there was still something about you. You seemed genuinely curious and smart. Also back then I had terrible taste in men— always wanted unavailable guys who would treat me badly.”

Saying it now, it all sounded so silly. For years I thought Luke was a disrespectful man whore. The kind of guy who rubbed some young model type in my face to show me I wasn’t good enough to even talk to him.

He put his arm around me. “I was a jackass back then. I had a lot to learn. And I don’t blame you for thinking the worst of me.”

I nodded, feeling stupid.

“But then I took your anger and threw it right back at you. In those days, I wasn’t used to hearing the word no. I wasn’t used to disappointment. I was newly rich, and everywhere I went people sucked up to me and gave me whatever I wanted.”

He stroked my hair softly. “But not you. You saw right through my bullshit.”

“I was hurt and feeling embarrassed. And you were just so perfect with your high IQ and your money and your looks.”

“I hate that I hurt you. I hate that I made it so easy for you to dislike me. But, you know what?”

I looked up at him.

“I wasn’t ready for you, Nora. I wasn’t ready to meet you and get to know you. I had a lot of growing up to do to be ready for someone like you. And I’m sorry.”

“I wasn’t ready for you either, Luke. I was so angry and closed off back then. I was going to hate you no matter what.”

He smirked. “I noticed. You always seemed enraged in my presence.”

I shrugged. “You always rubbed me the wrong way. And I’ve spent so many years carrying around my insecurities, nurturing them and helping them grow, it can be hard to let them go sometimes.”

“It’s okay to be insecure sometimes. But it’s not okay to let those insecurities run your life. You have too much to offer the world to be held back by this bullshit.”

My eyes teared up. I knew he was right, but the feelings of inadequacy were so much stronger than logic. “I just figured I’d never be good enough for someone like you.”

His eyes narrowed. “I need to say something.”

He turned so he was facing me directly. He grabbed me by the shoulders. “Whoever has made you feel like you’re not good enough—fuck them.”

I nodded.

“I think you’re incredible. But it doesn’t really matter what I think.

It matters what you think and how you feel.

And it infuriates me to hear you speak like this.

That there is a universe where someone like you isn’t good enough for someone like me.

And I want the names of who did this to you.

I want to know who cut you down, who hurt you, and who abused you. ”

“Stop, Luke. It’s nothing.”

“It is not nothing. I will not have shitty people living rent free in my girlfriend’s head. Let’s confront this shit together. Let those insecurities go. Let those shitty people go. Don’t let them poison your beautiful mind and spirit with their utter bullshit.”

I was crying now. Hiccupping and sobbing. So much came back to me. My mother, Chip, and all the other men who had treated me badly. Childhood bullies and backstabbing former friends.

He wrapped his arms around me as I cried into his chest. “It’s not easy.

But I think you need to stop letting other people dictate the way you see yourself.

You are beautiful and kind and generous.

You work harder than anyone I’ve ever met, running multiple businesses, renovating a house, serving on every town committee, and doing absolutely anything and everything for your friends. ”

“I’m sorry, Luke. You deserve someone amazing. I’m too much. I’m too complicated.”

“You fail to realize that I’m a coder. I like complicated. I like solving difficult puzzles. And you, my gorgeous woman, are the most complicated fucking puzzle I’ve ever met.”

He leaned down and kissed my lips softly while wiping a tear from my cheek. His lips were firm and full and perfect. Every time he kissed me I got a little lightheaded.

Soon he was moving down to my neck. I threw my head back, loving the feel of his lips on my skin. My sweatshirt hit the floor as he pulled me onto his lap, his hands caressing me and helping all those pesky insecurities fade away.

“The most perfect puzzle,” he said, nipping at my breast. “And I am going to love unlocking every one of your secrets.”