Page 95 of Obligation and Redemption
Darcy could not have explained rationally what happened to him next; he felt like someone deep inside, who had been repressed for years, had made his presence known in a most uncharacteristic manner.
One moment he was staring at his wife, incensed with her and with Wickham’s familiar hold on her, the next he was claiming her as his own.
Elizabeth felt like she was reliving a recent nightmare that had tormented her.
Her husband of course had every right to be angry, every right to demand that she obey him, every right to expect her to give herself over to his cravings and needs.
But despite those rights, Elizabeth’s traitorous body and mind could not accept the callous sense of injustice.
Without love or gentleness or anything that might seem like honour, Elizabeth’s husband took her.
He certainly did not hurt her physically.
He may have lost control of his well-established ability to discipline his passions, but he did not forget for one moment that he was much stronger and more powerful than his wife.
But beyond that consideration, he thought only of himself and his need to feel satisfied, to stake his claim on her physically as his wife.
Elizabeth was cognisant of their location – she was in her old room at Longbourn – so she was particularly careful not to let a sound escape her, and concentrating on this goal gave her a distraction.
If anyone were below the room, they might have heard the thumping of the bed, but she could not dwell on that.
She was certain, regardless, that everyone would see her shame, for that is what she felt, written across her face.
When he was done, and she was able to control her mouth to speak rather than lash out, she said four words in hushed, yet enraged protest of his attack, “You are a beast.” Then she lowered her skirt and left the room trying to find somewhere to compose herself.
As soon as it was over, Darcy felt an enormous sense of guilt and misery fall on his head, to an extent that he had never known.
What have I done? Never in his life had he taken a woman against her wishes, at least not in such a manner.
Never had he shown any woman anything but the highest respect.
Wickham drove him to this madness, and Darcy let him.
He fell to his knees on the floor covering his face with his hands.
He was supposed to be a man of honour, a gentleman at all times, and he was reduced to savagery with his own wife.
But did she not also have a part to play?
She drove me to this, like the country hoyden she is.
Of course, Darcy was too unreasonable and fraught with perturbation at the moment to make an unbiased assessment of his actions or possible impetus, and there could be no justification for his deeds even if he had.
Fortunately for him, even without true understanding, his conscience would not stay silent.
SOME UNKNOWN TIME LATER, Darcy stepped out of the room, and waiting for him in the hallway was Elizabeth.
She did not look at him, but said, “I wish to stay with my family another night as planned, if you will let me.” He could tell that she had been crying and his heart began to betray his plans, especially in light of his most recent treatment of her.
“You know I cannot let you stay here if Wickham is to come around again.”
“It will only be our family for dinner, and I believe the officers have gone. I saw them leave from the window.”
“I should speak with your father.” Elizabeth nodded and led him downstairs.
Darcy wanted to say he was sorry and to ask for forgiveness.
That was the right thing to do, but his pride kept telling him that he had no reason to apologise, that Elizabeth had been in the wrong, while he had been exceedingly patient with her for these six weeks; but then he would recall his unjustified harshness with her.
When Darcy got to the bottom of the stairs, he was notified that a missive had come for him.
Opening the folded paper, he read that there was only one room available from the two that were reserved for the following night.
They would either need to leave for Pemberley this day, forgoing the wedding and causing an even larger breach in their relationship, or let her stay at her home for one more night.
His decision took just a moment. “Elizabeth, it looks like the choice has been made. There is only one room at the inn available.” At her disturbed mien, he continued, “I know that one room will not suffice. You may stay at Longbourn, but I must speak with Mr. Bennet.” She escorted him to her father’s study, not once looking at him, and then left him to it.
Darcy knocked on the door. “Enter.” And so he went in closing the door behind him.
Mr. Bennet was not alone, for Mr. Gardiner was also present.
The men had obviously been engaged in their separate activities, one reading a book and the other reviewing the newspaper.
Over the next quarter hour, Darcy told Mr. Bennet of his continued concerns over Mr. Wickham as well as Elizabeth’s wish to stay at Longbourn.
He insisted that Wickham not be allowed back to the home, or he would remove his wife immediately.
Elizabeth’s lady’s maid would inform him of any breach in this plan.
Mr. Bennet coolly replied, “Your business with Mr. Wickham does not involve me, and I dislike being ungracious to a friend of the family at your command; nevertheless, I dislike even more my Lizzy being taken from us sooner than we would wish it, so I will forbid his visits while Lizzy is here.”
“Thank you.” He started to stand to leave, but Mr. Bennet asked him to wait a moment.
“So, Mr. Darcy, my Lizzy has been here the past few days, long enough for me to see a noticeable change in her. Since arriving, she has regained much of her usual cheerful self, but I cannot help but express my concern for her. So why don’t you tell me your perspective.
How have things progressed in your marriage so far? How are you surviving the ill effects?”
Darcy was a little taken aback by the brazen question.
“We are managing as well as could be expected. The ill effects, as you put them, are being dealt with as they come. My family seems to have accepted the marriage for the most part, and Elizabeth is admirably learning her role as mistress to my home.”
“Lizzy certainly has not been her usual self, though. What can that signify?”
“As I did not know Elizabeth so well before our marriage, I am not qualified to notice the change or the cause. I see no real difference.” This was not entirely true, but Darcy was not ready to own it.
Darcy wanted to leave his father-in-law’s study, and just as quickly forget about any of his wife’s adverse alterations, so he stood.
“Now, if you will excuse me, I have not had a chance to wash off the road dirt, and my man has secured a room for me at the inn.” Mr. Bennet stayed seated and bowed his head seeing that he had gotten all the information he was to expect, while Mr. Gardiner stood.
When Darcy opened the study door, he was ambushed by Mrs. Bennet.
“Mr. Darcy, what a surprise! We thought you would not be here until tomorrow. Well, you must stay here. Lizzy said you were to stay at the inn, which is ridiculous when we have Lizzy’s room.
Why she and Jane can share with the others, unless of course you prefer otherwise,” she finished knowingly accompanied with a blush.
“I thank you but no; my valet is already at the inn and has gotten me settled.”
“Is Lizzy not to join you?” She looked to Elizabeth as if attempting to insist that she do just that. ”
“No, she wishes to stay another night with her family, as originally planned.”
“Well then you must have dinner with us, isn’t that right, Mr. Bennet?” she said looking to her husband who had not stirred.
“Oh, yes. He is family now, and I would wager he has no other engagements, now do you, sir?”
“Thank you. I would be happy to accept your offer.”
“Splendid! It is just a small family meal, mind you. I am sure nothing we have compares to what you are used to. I suspect the expensive chefs you employ have likely spoilt Lizzy too, but my table is one of the finest in the county, I’ll wager.
Nothing but the best for my family,” replied the verbose Mrs. Bennet.
“If you will excuse me. Elizabeth, will you walk out with me?”
She looked up, surprised, and saying nothing she turned and walked towards the front door to where his horse was waiting.
They entered the foyer where the Bennet’s manservant was waiting with his coat and top hat. After donning his outerwear and dismissing the servant he turned to his wife and spoke quietly, “Elizabeth, I… please, allow me to apologise.”
“I cannot think of that now. I must walk back in that room,” she said as she looked towards the direction whence they came, “and act as though nothing has happened. It will have to wait.” Then she turned and walked quickly away.