Page 110 of Obligation and Redemption
“I have decided that while you continue with your established routine, and I get back to my own, that we will devote time everyday taking meals in each other’s company, and also spending the evenings together in some amusement as we have done on occasion in the past.”
“But, what if I choose not to eat or want to eat in my room, alone?” Her voice increased in tone and strength as she asked her simple question.
“Elizabeth, I understand that you might not want to do some things that I ask of you, but if you remember, you promised to obey, and in this I must insist.”
She tossed her serviette upon the table and stood up, not liking to be forced into his society and desirous to be alone.
“And no leaving the meal early.”
“Why are you doing this? I know you don’t enjoy my company. It’s not my companionship that you have appreciated in the past.”
Darcy wanted to retort, but held his tongue.
She was expressing her honest feelings, and he deserved whatever she threw at him.
Instead he said, “Elizabeth, the past three months have brought each of us frustration and despair. Despite my initial doubts as to your motive, I now have to believe that neither of us asked for this marriage, but at the same time, neither wishes to just give up. I cannot, and will not, live a life at enmity with my wife. We both have issues of trust and resentment of which we need to let go if we are to ever find peace. I don’t know any other way to get past our conflicts unless we spend time listening to the other and getting to know one another.
As the season continues on, we will both find our days filled with activity, but we can still sit together at mealtimes to find some kind of mutual understanding. ”
Elizabeth had no immediate response as she considered his words. She disliked the man and found his company aggravating. He seemed to vex her at every turn. However, she agreed that living along side a man whom she could not respect nor like would be an unbearable punishment.
“Elizabeth, many marriages begin as ours has – two people, with no true affection or devotion, who begin a union for familial or financial obligations – but find mutual esteem and fondness. Can we not strive for such a life?”
Elizabeth had remained quiet throughout, thinking of what she had wanted her whole life compared to what she now had, so in a small voice meant for herself alone but spoken aloud, said, “But I had always hoped to marry for love.” Tears unbidden sprang to her eyes as she lifted the serviette to hide her weakness.
“And I, to fulfil my duty as a Darcy.”
She looked up to him and nodded. “I will try to be open, but on one condition.”
“Yes.”
“Yes? Is that an answer or a question? ”
“An answer.”
“You know not of what I ask though.”
“I believe I do. I promise to you now that I will wait for you.”
“Wait for me?” She blushed as she began to fidget with her serviette. “What? Um ... You must be clearer.”
“Elizabeth, I realise now that I have treated you with unmitigated disrespect, behaving dishonourably and in every way contrary to how I was taught. I am truly ashamed of myself. I do not understand my own actions, for I have not done what I want, but I have done the very thing I hate.” He looked away.
Admitting such failure was difficult for this proud man.
“I want to amend our marriage. I hope to wait until you are ready to begin our physical relationship anew.”
“You hope ? What does that mean?”
“I say ‘hope’ because I acknowledge that I am trusting that you will one day be ready for me, but that depends upon you. I cannot deny that I need an heir, and that my expectation, of course, is that my heir will come through our marriage. But in order for that to occur, we must one day come together as one.” Here he looked away, surprised at his own embarrassment.
“And I also hope that you will want me to come to you, and often.”
Elizabeth looked away now and said, “Your hope is an impressive one, sir, if that is what you are seeking.”
“Perhaps, but I am a man, and men hope for such things.”
Elizabeth was quiet. She was no longer in tears but was uncomfortable with where the conversation had led.
Nonetheless, she could not help but be relieved to hear that he would want his heir to come through her and that he was willing to wait until some unknown time when she might welcome him to her room.
“Shall we go to the music room? I have had a long past few days and would like nothing better than to relax in front of a hot fire listening to you play.”
“If that is what you wish.”
He stood up and walked over to pull out Elizabeth’s chair. “I do wish it.”
To say Elizabeth was puzzled at his behaviour would be a gross understatement.
Darcy had always been demanding and authoritative and when questioned, irritated and dismissive.
Now he was being solicitous and amicable.
She did not take his arm, but followed by his side through the house to the music room.
As they walked through the doorway, the south wind was blowing against the windows, competing with the sound of the crackling fire. Darcy walked with her over to the instrument. “What would you like to play for me?”
She hesitated but then said, “I have been working on a piece that the piano master in London gave me to practise while away from town. You may already be familiar with it, as I believe the music has been available for several years now, although I had not heard it before.”
“Which is it?”
“Beethoven’s Sonata in C# minor Quasi una fantasia .
Mr. Carrington told me that the first two movements suit my playing style well, and the third would be an excellent tool to practise fingering and quick changes.
Would you like to hear me play? I cannot say that I have mastered the piece, especially the third movement, but I do enjoy playing it. ”
“I have heard the piece before, and I believe that I enjoyed it. You do not mind sharing?”
“I do not mind the first two parts. After that, I have need of more practice before I would feel comfortable playing for an audience.” Darcy went to the sofa and sat down ready to enjoy himself; however, the next few minutes truly astonished him.
Elizabeth’s playing had always been delightful, even before Darcy was willing to admit it, but on this evening, she performed with remarkable skill and perception.
It became obvious that she had been practising most diligently since leaving London.
When Elizabeth finished the first two, she stood up. “Mr. Darcy, I find that the melody has made me rather sleepy. If you don’t mind, I would like to retire for the night.”
Darcy sat up straight; he had found himself lounging as he listened. “Of course. I am rather fatigued myself. I will walk you up.”
“No need to bother. I can find my way admirably now.”
“It is no bother, I can assure you.”
So Elizabeth resigned herself to being in Mr. Darcy’s company for a few moments longer.
The evening had gone better than Elizabeth could have predicted.
She had always found her husband perplexing since his mood changes and solemn manner (that seemed to hide something below the surface) contrasted with his almost untamed quality within the confines of the bedroom.
And Elizabeth enjoyed trying to unravel and study an intriguing character, but she had reached her fill of Mr. Darcy’s and more than anything wanted time alone to reflect on what this could all mean.
Elizabeth looked forward to telling her journal all about the abstruse situation in which she now found herself.
Rather than escort Elizabeth to her own door, he led her to the door between hers and his own, the one that led to the sitting room.
They walked in together. “Do you often come in here?” he asked.
“As I may have told you before, I have always appreciated this room, actually the entire suite of rooms. I have fond memories of coming in here with my mother as she read to me or played some type of game.”
“I enjoy the view and have come in here to write letters or read on occasion. But there are so many lovely places within the house to appreciate that I cannot say I prefer any one to the others. Of course the library is magnificent, but I have found my own chamber to be a place of solace.” She looked away, thinking she had revealed too much about herself.
“Speaking of my chamber. I do believe it is calling my name. Goodnight, sir.” At this Elizabeth left him standing in the room as she departed to get ready for bed.
The night was still rather early, but Darcy was fatigued from days of travel.
The evening had gone as well as he could have expected.
Elizabeth was by no means warm and welcoming, but he had not expected her to be.
Instead, she was reserved, certainly not the Elizabeth Bennet that he had known in the past, but they had avoided an argument, which was a positive .
ELIZABETH SLEPT SOUNDLY THAT NIGHT, knowing her husband had no plans to visit her, but also owing to the luxurious accommodations in her room.
She had grown so accustomed to the comforts of Pemberley that she found she was able to sleep more soundly than she ever had before in the entirety of her life, except for an occasional nightmare that would intrude upon her peace.
When her head hit the pillow, she did not stir until daylight made its intrusion into her room.