Page 112 of Obligation and Redemption
“No, I am speaking of this past month. What happened to cause such a change in you? Why are you trying to earn my favour now?”
“Let us just say that I came to a better understanding of my own shortcomings and began to see my unjustified treatment of you. I am committed to correcting my faults and appreciating your many admirable qualities.”
Unsettled and doubtful as to the veracity of his sentiments, Elizabeth stood.
“Forgive me if I judge too harshly, but I cannot reconcile your speech to my experience.” She quickly left the room, unsure what to believe about the man whom she married but did not know.
Elizabeth immediately realised her reaction was rude and unbecoming of a lady and almost returned to her bewildered husband, but she needed time alone and so let her legs carry her away.
Two hours later, while Elizabeth was practising in the music room, Mr. Darcy slipped into the back and sat down, unseen by his wife who was in deep concentration.
He watched as she played again the sonata from the night before, but she then moved on to the final movement.
He watched as she reviewed over and again the many passages that gave her difficulty.
The piece was indeed a challenge. He observed how her brow knitted together in concentration as she attempted the same lines over and over, improving slightly with each successive run.
Then when she would get it right, the look of unfeigned delight that overcame her countenance mesmerised him.
Her father likened her to the divine once, and I laughed at him as a foolish, old man.
Mr. Bennet said that if I allowed her to thrive under my care, I would discover a charming lady of both intelligence and grace; that I could not in all of England find a woman with more estimable qualities than Elizabeth.
But instead of encouraging her, I caused Elizabeth to suffer under my overbearing restrictions and physical assault.
Look at her! She’s stunning! Her smile is without pretension as she rejoices in her success.
Feeling guilty for intruding upon her privacy, he stood saying, “You have made remarkable improvements.”
Elizabeth, obviously unaware of his being in the room, jumped and stood up. “How long have you been here? You should have made your presence known.”
“Forgive me. I was enjoying myself too much to disturb you. ”
Clearly annoyed, she headed towards the door, and then paused before leaving. “Please, in the future I would ask that you announce yourself when entering a room. I don’t appreciate your ignoring my wish for privacy while I play.”
This is going to be a long and difficult road. But I am beginning to think she just may be worth the effort, thought Darcy, full of equal parts frustration and admiration. She was a trial to be sure, but spirited and intrepid as no other he had ever known.
DURING THE FOLLOWING DAYS, Elizabeth walked outside as the ground had dried sufficiently to allow the endeavour.
The storm earlier in the week, however, had brought a decrease in temperatures that meant each day was below freezing.
This was not a deterrent for Elizabeth for she had plenty of warm clothing and shoes to face the chill.
As she descended the stairs to get her outerwear for her walk on that first day out, she was disheartened to see that it was not Clark to join her but her husband.
“Are you certain you would like to join me, Mr. Darcy? The last time you walked with me outside in the cold, you complained the whole time about the distance and my speed.”
“I am quite certain, madam.”
“I will accept your escort, but you must promise me that you will not exert your overbearing dictates upon me concerning how long I walk, where I walk and how often I am to walk. I have done very well without your control and would like to continue to do so.” Elizabeth said all of this with such honest conviction that Darcy could not help but smile at her tenacity before him.
Rarely did anyone show such mettle in his presence.
“I am your servant.”
Elizabeth smiled. “I will be gentle.” Elizabeth was mindful that Mr. Darcy did not approve of her exercise and would quickly tire of her before long, putting her back into the care of Clark.
She would just plan to be reserved in her enthusiasm for walking over the next few days, so as not to give him any reason to exert his ridiculous rules concerning how a lady is supposed to behave while roaming the countryside.
Elizabeth paid little heed to Darcy’s presence as she attempted to concentrate on the terrain before her.
She was so caught up in her thoughts that she was surprised to hear him speak.
“Elizabeth, thank you for accepting my company. It is rare that I explore Pemberley in a way other than horseback.” She looked up to him then returned her eyes to the path.
“Speaking of horseback, I was thinking that when the weather warms up in a few weeks we might begin your riding lessons. We have many gentle mounts that would suit your level of skill admirably.”
“I told you before, that I have no desire to learn to ride.”
“I remember your saying that, of course, but Georgiana had a point. I would not ask you to do anything unless it were a sensible idea, one for your good, and since you are a sensible woman, I thought you might have changed your mind.”
“You mean if I disagree that I must not be sensible? ”
“If you truly have no desire to ride, I will not force the point, but I do believe that if you were to think this through in an unbiased manner, you would agree that learning to ride on an estate such as Pemberley is indeed sensible. There are many beautiful locations that you will be unable to reach on foot or by carriage. And knowing your love of nature as I believe I do, I thought that you would want to learn to ride for that pleasure if no other.”
“You make a good argument, but you have not taken into account my great fear of horses. How can I possibly want to learn to ride when the very thought makes me lose my breakfast?”
“What are you afraid of?”
“Everyone has some kind of fear. Mine happens to be of horses. You could not possibly understand, so it is best that we just let it go.”
“Are you afraid of falling?”
“Please, just let it go. Surely you have some fear that might not seem rational to others but to you is perfectly reasonable.”
Darcy walked in silence as he tried to think of something he might fear, to put her argument into context. “I suppose I fear failure.”
“Failure? And when has the great Mr. Darcy failed at anything? I thought you were a man without fault. Miss Bingley attested to it once, so it must be true.”
“That is impossible.”
“Oh? Well I daresay it is a rare occurrence.”
“Elizabeth, I have failed at many things, as you well know. You of all people have seen my shortcomings.”
“I guess neither of us has been wholly innocent. I know that I am prone to judge someone’s intentions before I have all of the information before me. That is a product of too much observation, I suppose. I tend to confuse motives with actions.”
“Mrs. Darcy, are you admitting to a shortcoming?”
“My one undeniable fault.”
He smiled at her levity. “I would very much like for you to learn to ride. Not for me, but for your pleasure.”
She heard the uncharacteristic sincerity in his voice and could not refuse him outright. “If I can somehow overcome my fear, I promise to give it a try.”
“Excellent! That is all I could hope for.”
The two Darcys walked everyday together that week.
Elizabeth continued on with her slow pace, trying not to do anything that might cause Darcy to limit her exercise.
She had also spent the time at meals being the proper lady that she was expected to be.
This was not a burden for her, for she was raised as a lady and knew all of the social niceties, but she curtailed her teasing banter and avoided leaving a meal prematurely.
She, like Darcy, wanted a successful marriage and was trying to play her own part, as she could clearly see his efforts to do the same.
But Elizabeth could not be anyone but herself, and soon her desire for more exertion asserted itself one morning.
Although the sky was an overcast grey, the unusually pleasant weather had continued throughout the week.
The ground was now sufficiently dry to provide her with ample paths on which to roam.
She had remembered a fine prospect about two, or perhaps three, miles from the house that she headed towards.
The path would lead to the top of a hill with a long decline on the other side that would eventually wind its way into the woods.
The walk up the hill had her breathing hard, but the feeling was intoxicating to her senses.
She smiled as she looked out over the winding hills and valleys below.
“This view is beautiful, sir! Enchanting!”
Gazing at her, he agreed that he had rarely seen such beauty.
Elizabeth then surprised him when she surveyed the path ahead and began a quick pace down the hill that soon turned into a veritable sprint. Her arms were out to her sides as she laughed at the thrill of the rush of cold air brushing past her.
Darcy watched her as she made her escape, fascinated with her energy and joie de vie .
How did merely gazing at her compel him to do the same?
However, when Elizabeth reached the bottom of the long slope, she continued on in a run, and then disappeared around the other side of a small hill covered in evergreen.
He called out to her, but when she did not return, he became concerned he might lose sight of her within the woodland.
So, Fitzwilliam Darcy, master of his estate, erudite gentleman and reserved, grown man took off running down the hill after her.