Page 91 of Obligation and Redemption
“When I lived in Lambton years ago, my father would speak of the elder Mr. Darcy with such esteem. Everyone said that his son was just like him, and indeed the few times I was around him, he was respectful of others, even if a little quiet. Although proud, I would be surprised to learn that he would not show a lady the honour due her, especially his own wife.” When Elizabeth did not respond, she continued, “To a new bride, the act of lovemaking seems so foreign and perhaps even improper if there is no love between the two. But Lizzy, you must understand that the physical union between a husband and wife is natural and intended by God to be for the pleasure of both man and woman in a committed relationship.”
“I have a hard time accepting that God could call what he has done to me good or even respectable, nor do I see what pleasure can be found for a woman.”
Her aunt smiled knowingly. “Lizzy, you truly know not of what you speak. You must remember that God made man to be the way he is for a reason. Men desire women because He designed them to be that way. The problem occurs when man attempts to satisfy that need outside the bonds of marriage, which I am afraid occurs all too often in our society. But Mr. Darcy is now married to you. I believe that after you have developed feelings for one another, even if just a friendship, that you will find his advances not so difficult to bear, and may perhaps one day enjoy your times of intimacy.”
“You must think me silly.”
“No, I think you are an independent, secure woman who desires mutual respect and understanding in marriage. You may find one day that Mr. Darcy wants the same thing for you. I can’t help but think that you two were brought together for a purpose, that in reality you are a perfect match; you just need time to discover that for yourselves. ”
“I wish that could be the case. I always wanted to marry for love. If somehow I could hope that one day Mr. Darcy and I might share a tender regard, could take pleasure in each other’s understanding and sentiments, I could find the strength I need to continue on, showing kindness for his family despite their opposition, and showing patience to Mr. Darcy when he offends.
But I am afraid that my confidence in such an outcome does not exist, or is frail at best.”
“On your wedding day, I heard each of you vow to love the other. If love were just a feeling, no one could make such a promise with the hope of fulfilment, for we all, even in good marriages, have times of vexation and discontent. Instead, consider love as something you patiently show and eagerly do for him, even when undeserved.” Mrs. Gardiner smiled adding, “—Especially when undeserved, for that is when the feelings come hardest. Perhaps if you demonstrate love, your own sentiments will naturally follow. And Mr. Darcy might take your example and show you devotion in return.”
“How does one show love to someone she does not even like at times?”
“By giving him the respect that all men need and hope for in a wife. Maybe you could ask him to join you on one of your strolls or compliment him when he does something admirable. Surely, he has some attributes for which you can praise him.”
Elizabeth laughed, “Aunt, he has hundreds of people who clamour for his good opinion. He does not need nor desire that from me, I am sure. And as for respect, I would be happy to give him his due if only he did not demand it of me. Should not a man earn the respect his wife bestows?”
“Just don’t let the circumstances of your union keep you from showing him the consideration due him as your protector.”
“Thank you, Aunt. I will attempt to do as you say. I long for a marriage like your own – one of friendship and affection, and I know you would not steer me astray.”
They spent the entire afternoon together sharing the news of the previous week and had much to speak of.
Elizabeth learnt that Mr. Darcy had sent her worn gowns to Longbourn for her sisters’ use.
She had been wondering what had happened to the dresses from her former life when they disappeared from her dressing room.
Her lady’s maid could not enlighten her at the time; now she knew, but she did not know whether to be thankful or vexed at his interference.
She was sure her sisters would be pleased to gain the gowns, which were still in good repair, and she was happy it was her own family to benefit; nonetheless, his officious meddling bothered her exceedingly.
After an enlightening and ultimately pleasant afternoon, Elizabeth begrudgingly returned to Darcy House.
When she entered, the butler welcomed her, as was his duty, and took her outerwear.
“Mrs. Darcy, Mr. Darcy has asked me to give you his apologies and to inform you that he will be dining at Whites this evening.”
“Thank you, Franklin,” Elizabeth said as she started up the steps, then turned and asked that he have her dinner brought up to her room that evening.
Elizabeth spent the entirety of the evening writing in her journal.
She had planned on putting her thoughts on paper since she had no friend or family in whom to confide her deepest concerns, those not even her beloved aunt should hear.
In it, she wrote of all of her fears, longings, and uncertainties, almost as if in prayer to God.
She mentioned Lord Langston’s advances, her perturbations regarding her husband, how he would not trust her, how she had felt so used and degraded by him, and her sorrows concerning her family.
Elizabeth was up well past midnight pouring her grief onto paper.
She had planned to burn the pages for fear of their being discovered, but the exercise was so comforting to her that she decided to keep them intact but hidden, at least until she felt equal to disposing of them.
She folded the pages and tied a ribbon around them, placing them in her writing desk under other papers of lesser importance.
THE TRADITIONAL TEA brOUGHT ELIZABETH AND DARCY together for the first time since their argument, and remembering how she was attired in only her chemise, two nights previously, brought a blush to Elizabeth’s cheeks.
Could she ever get used to being clad so in front of a man, even if he were her husband?
Darcy stood as she walked in and performed a bow; she returned the courtesy.
Elizabeth busied herself, preparing their tea, and then sat in silence for some time as Darcy ate, while she pushed her food around.
“Mr. Darcy,” said she after a few moments of silent nibbling, “I have something to request of you after we eat, if I may.”
“You can speak now if you wish it.”
Elizabeth glanced at the servants. Not knowing how her husband would respond and wanting to keep her affairs private, she requested that they meet after the small meal in either his study or their shared sitting room.
They agreed upon his study, so after tea he escorted her into his sanctuary, seating her before the desk, while he took his place behind it.
Darcy then waited patiently to hear her petition.
“As you may be aware, I visited my family in Cheapside yesterday.” She smiled at the recollection.
“While there, they asked me to join them when they return to Longbourn for my sister’s wedding.
So instead of arriving the day before the event with you, I could spend four additional days there with my family, with your joining me as planned.
That way I could see my family, and you would have no need to spend so much time there in order to bring it about. ” Elizabeth looked at him hopefully.
Darcy said not a word as he deliberated her request. At first it seemed a reasonable appeal.
He certainly had no desire to spend any more time than was necessary in Meryton.
He had already reserved a room at the local inn for the ninth, leaving directly after the wedding for Pemberley.
He knew that Elizabeth greatly desired to spend time with her family.
But then again, was it wise for her to spend so much time in their company?
He had hoped to limit her time with them.
Would she take steps backwards in her progression towards becoming the respectable wife of an affluent gentleman?
She seemed to have come far in such a short time.
Would the time spent with her family revert her back to her former ways?
She no longer walked obscene distances. Would she take on that annoying, perverse habit again, just when they were to go to Pemberley?
— And then there was Wickham. “I would rather you not.”
Elizabeth sat there shocked. She had fully expected that he would welcome her leaving early.
Of course she doubted that he would do so for her sake, but she thought that he would prefer her absence, which would be even more convenient if he need not join her until the last moment to bring it about. “Why? Why would you refuse me?”
“I think it best that you stay here and that we travel together. Elizabeth, we are now married and as such, we should arrive and depart together.”
“Your plan would be a good one, if you in fact desired to be with my family, as I do, but since you do not, and since I have means to go without you, I cannot see that the basis for your refusal has any justification.”
Darcy saw the logic of her argument. He lamented her skill at inference on more than one occasion, and this was one of them. “I do not even know your uncle. How can I know that you will be safe?” He was grasping.