Page 125 of Obligation and Redemption
“You add value to my life, I believe. You are someone who does not accept me as I present myself, like everyone else, but you challenge me to examine my own faults, which I might add that I did not even know dwelt within. I have been complacent my whole life, setting my own standards for acceptable behaviour, but you continue to cause me to question everything I have ever known. You make me a better person. So yes, I would say that you are indeed an advantage.”
“How fortunate for me that you would begin to see my vexatious nature as an advantage!” She laughed. “Be careful, my husband, or you might just unleash a monster within your own home, for I feel as though I have held my tongue more often than was bearable.”
“I would not compare you to a monster. I am the one who is the beast; you said so yourself and would be correct.” Elizabeth looked away, disconcerted by the memory.
“Again, you are proven the superior. I will not speak of such things again; instead I will leave you to finish preparing yourself for a relaxing evening.” He started to walk towards the sitting room door, but then stopped and turned around saying, “Elizabeth, would you leave your hair down?”
With upturned lips and a slight blush, she said, “If that appeals to you, I will.”
“You can trust me. I promise. I will see you in the sitting room.”
ELIZABETH OPENED THE DOOR to the shared room and went inside to find her husband sitting by the fire waiting for her.
Darcy had removed his jacket and waistcoat as well as his cravat, so that his shirt was opened at the top.
He had also removed his shoes and was sitting comfortably while setting up a chessboard.
When she walked in, he stood to greet her.
She stopped for a moment before hesitantly moving forward again.
Elizabeth was struck by how handsome her husband appeared when not puffed up in self-importance, casual as he now was.
“I see that you wish to challenge me again. I will not be so easy on you this time, though,” said she as she walked over to join him. Elizabeth sat down, and he followed suit.
“Would you like a glass of wine while we play?”
“So, you desire to dull my senses in order to improve your position? But I will not give you the advantage.”
Instead while the game progressed, Darcy spent equal time in admiration of her natural charms while trying to hide his appreciation, so that he was the one at a disadvantage, overwhelmed with the unfamiliar feelings of regard that ultimately distracted him from being able to concentrate on the next move, much less develop any kind of strategy.
Elizabeth had left her dark, silky locks down as requested and had put on a linen dressing gown, embroidered with tiny flowers around the feminine collar and tied with a buff ribbon below the bodice.
Her unadorned beauty caused Darcy to reflect upon her inherent qualities as the foundation of her true allurement rather than fine clothing or jewels.
Perhaps this was what made Elizabeth the more beautiful woman over Lady Annette, that his wife’s grace was natural – a part of her being – rather than wanting for enhancement. How blinded he had been in the past!
Of course, while his mind was agreeably engaged in such introspections, his wife took advantage of his distraction and soundly beat him.
“Check mate! You, sir, let me win this game, but I will have you know that I can win just as well without your assistance. Truly, what has gotten into you? I almost feel offended at your obviously meagre contributions to the game,” said Elizabeth, amused by his look of bewilderment. “What are you daydreaming about?”
“If I were to tell you, I might have the opportunity to enjoy that pretty blush of yours.”
“Darcy, I never thought you to be so charming. So will you always be this agreeable? You let me take advantage of your musings while claiming I am their object.”
He smiled at her teasing. “Let us play again. This time I promise to give you my very best competitive confrontation. Perhaps you should wrap yourself in this warm blanket,” he said as he stood and covered her with it, “so that you can no longer claim leverage over me.” Then he looked at her prettily nestled within, and said, “No, I am afraid it will be a lost cause. I will just have to plead for mercy and ask that you not spread word of my losses to our acquaintances.”
She continued to laugh, but more openly, retorting, “You are a prideful man! Making up excuses for your losses other than my superior skill!”
“I am afraid we may never know the truth of the matter, for I will always have the disadvantage, unless of course we play independently, taking turns with the chessboard without the other’s presence. Of course that might lessen the intrinsic pleasure I would desire while playing with my wife.”
“You have become quite the charmer. I will punish you by accepting your challenge for another game. This time, I will do something unbecoming during your turn, so as to avoid any unnecessary upper hand.”
“I cannot imagine how you might bring that about.”
“I will speak of how agreeable you are to look upon, then simper and coo over your fine home and how very rich you are. That should give injury to my cause.” He laughed outright. “And when you make a particularly clever move, I will congratulate you on your cunning and acumen.”
“I do believe that we have discovered the very thing that I enjoy most about you: your total lack of veneration for me. If I had only known all of these years that I would prefer such a thing, I would have moved to a faraway land and gone undercover as a poor gentleman farmer.”
“But your good looks would have continued to plague you.”
“You find me handsome then?”
“I am sure I do not, but everyone else does.”
“But I find that you are the only one who matters.”
“Oh, dear. Well, then I suppose that I will have to confess that I do indeed see that you have some physical attributes for which to esteem, that are greatly enhanced when you smile rather than scowl as I am used to seeing. ”
“You think I scowl often then?”
“Yes. Well, not recently, I will admit, but as a general rule, yes. You have always seemed most despondent to me and happy to be thus. However, since your return in February, you have grown complacent, I believe. You almost seem happy.”
“And this pleases you?” She nodded that it did as a new blush crept up her neck and coloured her cheeks.
Just then the servant knocked upon the door.
“Enter,” said Darcy and their dinner was brought in and set up upon the small dining table by the window.
“You must be hungry since you missed tea.”
Darcy then stood and reached his hand down for Elizabeth to join him at the table.
They enjoyed the meal, speaking of books and their families and any other topic that seemed to naturally intrude.
Elizabeth had more than once thought to enlighten her husband on her suspected pregnancy.
She knew for certain he would be pleased, but then decided to await the quickening to be assured.
She would hate to cause him disappointment if she were wrong; add to that, she was troubled to discuss such a delicate condition with this man for whom she now had a growing admiration, but around whom she still felt ill at ease reflecting upon such personal matters.
Darcy walked Elizabeth back to the fire when the meal was completed, but instead of sitting across from her in the chair where he had previously been, he sat next to her, taking her hand in his own.
Elizabeth’s eyes widened at the thought of being so close to him while informally attired as they were.
He began nonchalantly rubbing her hand with his thumb while examining her every facial feature.
“You have a way of making me blush, Darcy. I begin to grow afraid of you.”
“You need never fear me again. I know I was not to repeat such things, but I feel I must. I am not the same man who treated you with disrespect and without honour. I only aspire to give you the dignity that being Mrs. Darcy deserves.”
For the first time of Elizabeth’s remembrance, the appellation of Mrs. Darcy gave her genuine pleasure, so as a show of her approbation, she placed her other hand on top of his own, the first manifestation of her growing regard.
“That means more to me than I can express. I have a dawning hope that we might find gratification rather than grief in our marriage.”
With his free hand, Darcy reached up to one of her long curls and began to wrap it around his fingers, and then let it go only to do so again.
The softness of her hair and intimacy of such a moment began their work on his senses.
He soon brought his hand up to her neckline, smoothing her luxurious locks behind her back, thus exposing part of her shoulder where her dressing gown unevenly rested.
His body longed to taste her skin, but he would not betray his promise reiterated not ten minutes previously.
He was afraid that one touch would so easily lead to another.
How could he take advantage of her budding trust?