Page 90 of Obligation and Redemption

"Behind every exquisite thing that existed, there was something tragic."

Oscar Wilde

The Picture of Dorian Gray

It is a truth universally acknowledged that two people of high intelligence with different perspectives and in close quarters must be in want of a mediator.

And since that would be impossible for the Darcys, and as both were too proud to seek aid or listen if they had, their misunderstandings and pain would continue.

Both of the Darcys slept in the following day, as would be expected after a late night ball, a little passion, and a heated argument.

Elizabeth rarely ate breakfast anymore and no longer took pleasure in a morning walk, so she had taken the habit of sleeping in.

However, on this particular morning, she slept much later than was her usual want.

Darcy, always an early riser, did not leave his room until nearly noon.

However, regardless of their change in schedules, neither Darcy was inclined to see the other.

Darcy had contemplated going to his club that evening for dinner, but after such a late night he was tired and was not certain if he would be in the mood for more society.

Elizabeth had also thought to forego dinner, but knew Darcy would expect her to make a showing.

She did not want to add any more reasons to increase his vexation.

So, instead of remaining at home in her room the rest of the day, Elizabeth decided to pay a visit to her relations on Gracechurch Street, hoping to hear news concerning her own family from their Christmas visit.

Elizabeth asked her lady’s maid to summon a carriage for her, and when she descended the stairs there was no sign of her husband.

As usual, a footman accompanied her to Cheapside where she remained the whole of the afternoon.

She was hungry for information about her family, and more specifically, Jane.

Elizabeth was disheartened to learn that her dear sister had yet to recover from the heartbreak that was induced by Mr. Bingley’s removal from Netherfield.

Jane would not admit that she was in love with the man, for she could hardly own it to herself, but the pain was real, and she had been in a state of listlessness despite the holy day.

“Elizabeth, dear,” said her aunt Gardiner, “our Christmas visit was cut short as you know because we plan on returning for the wedding early, so that I can help your mother. She was in a state! So much to accomplish in such a short time!” They laughed in affectionate remembrance of Mrs. Bennet’s ways.

“Why don’t you join us? That way you can visit with your family for almost an entire week without Mr. Darcy’s having to spend the duration listening to your mother’s vexations and flutterings, should he feel obligated to join you. ”

Elizabeth contemplated her proposal. She dearly wanted to spend time with her family, especially in light of Jane’s languor.

As Jane was her dearest sister and friend, she felt a longing to help her out of her doldrums, so that she could find peace again.

But then she considered Mr. Darcy. Would he let her go ahead of their already arranged schedule, and if he did, would he actually come to the wedding or just pick her up on the way to Pemberley, so as to avoid her family?

He made it exceedingly clear that he had no use for her relations.

And if he did not come, would she be bothered by the slight?

These were questions she could not answer; all she knew was that she needed her family.

“I will mention it to Mr. Darcy. I cannot predict his response, but I hope that he will approve of my joining you. On what day do you leave?”

“As the wedding is on the tenth, we shall leave on Saturday morning, the fifth. That way your uncle need only take one week off, and I will have several days to help your mother. With your being there, we should have plenty of hands to accomplish everything. Your family would love to see you. And if Mr. Darcy need speak to your uncle, I am certain Edward would be happy to reassure him.”

Elizabeth doubted Mr. Darcy’s concern on her behalf. Indeed, he would likely be complacent if something were to happen to her on the way that might free him of his misplaced obligation. “I will ask and send a note letting you know of his plans.”

“Are you all right, Lizzy? You don’t seem your usual self. And forgive me, but you look as though you haven’t slept in days.”

Elizabeth deliberated on what she should, or even could, say to her aunt.

She felt a need to confide her difficulties to someone, but was that wise?

Could she in good conscience share her secret thoughts concerning her marriage?

She decided that her aunt might have some words of wisdom for her, so she opened the topic, careful to avoid any remarks that might shed Mr. Darcy in poor light.

“In truth, I have slept very little. When I go to bed, my mind will not rest even though I am tired.”

“Is something amiss? Whatever it is, if you need an ear, I am here for you. I hope you know that.”

“You are so good to me. Truly, I do not know what I would have done without you these past six weeks.” Elizabeth sat there a few moments, considering what to say. “We attended the ball last night at the Matlocks.”

“And how was it?”

“I had never been to such a grand affair. The music could rival that at a concert. The array of food and drink must have kept the staff at Tromwell House busy for weeks.” Her aunt continued to listen, knowing that the accommodations were likely not the extent of Elizabeth’s concerns.

“Mr. Darcy’s family took great pains to introduce me in the best light possible, for which I am thankful. ”

“Have they accepted you, then?”

“No, I would not go so far. That is to say, a few have been very kind. Mr. Darcy’s cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam, whom you may remember from our wedding, has always been gracious and endeavoured to make me feel at ease, and the colonel’s sister, Lady Victoria, although not overly friendly, has shown no sign of malice.

However, her husband must not approve of me, for I have only met him once, and he showed no sign of acceptance.

But I prefer that over Colonel Fitzwilliam’s older brother, the viscount.

” Elizabeth looked away, clearly upset by whatever thoughts related to that man.

Her aunt reached over and held her hand.

Elizabeth turned back and gave a languid smile.

“That man despises me and looks for opportunities to offend and disconcert me.” Elizabeth stood and walked to the chimneypiece rubbing her arms, as she had felt a chill come over her.

“What is it Lizzy? What has he done?”

Not wanting to share such an unsettling narrative of her contact with the man, Elizabeth said, “He has not hurt me, only tried to scare me.” At her aunt’s look of concern, she went on to say, “Truly, I am well, he just does not believe in my innocence as regards to how our marriage came about, suspecting that I might have won Mr. Darcy over with my arts and allurements . But as I know the truth, his words cannot hurt me.”

“As long as they are only words. Lizzy, you must be careful. Men with titles, yet no conscience, feel that they can take where they please, especially as regards to women. Your marriage to his cousin may not protect you.” Elizabeth looked to her with uneasiness.

“I don’t mean to frighten you, dear. Just make sure that you are never alone with him, or any other man for that matter, without a servant present.

As always, women are vulnerable, married or not.

You have Mr. Darcy to protect you; have you spoken with him about your encounters with his cousin? ”

“No, I am not at all certain he would believe me, and I do not wish to be the cause of conflict in his family. I have been the source of enough problems as it is.”

“Has Mr. Darcy begun to show you more regard? Have you been able to get beyond your initial difficulties?”

Elizabeth was still standing by the fireplace, the flames unable to take away the cold reality of her thoughts, which caused her to tremble.

Tears welled up in her eyes. “Sometimes I think that maybe he has come to accept me in his life, that he might even hold me in some esteem, even if fleeting, but then we have an argument and I realise that I was completely mistaken.”

“Are you upset because you had a disagreement then?”

“Aunt, when Mr. Darcy and I married, you said that all would be well. The truth is that things seem to be getting worse, not better. Will we ever get to a point where we enjoy each other’s company?

When he can come to my room and I not feel shame and resentment?

” This last question opened up the floodgate to her tears.

Her aunt quickly stood up and came to her, wrapping arms around her niece.

“Oh, Lizzy, you have only been married a little over a month, and you still know so little about one another. In time you will become more familiar and comfortable with him. Has he done something you felt to be demeaning to you?” Mrs. Gardiner was talking with tenderness now, hoping to soothe and not cause pain.

“I hardly know. I can just tell you how I feel. He has not made as many demands from me as I had expected; he has but rarely come to my room. But what he does to me…. I feel so used, like a plaything. He dresses me up in fine clothing and jewels as if I were a doll to hang on his arm. I guess I should feel grateful that he makes the effort rather than the contrary. But I want to be valued as a person, not a possession.”