Page 161 of Obligation and Redemption
“Excellent. Thomas, please retrieve Mrs. Darcy’s outerwear for her.
” He put out his hand for Elizabeth, who smiled demurely up at him as she stood.
Her hand was without gloves and soft to touch.
Darcy had rarely in his life felt the nervous rush of excitement that he felt as they awaited her jacket.
Darcy had planned this day to complete a task that was long overdue.
In so doing, he would be declaring to her in as sincere a way as he could his changed feelings.
Elizabeth chose not to wear her bonnet, as it would only be the two of them walking outside.
She despised the social necessities of town and rarely joined in when she could avoid it.
This freed Darcy from his own conventions, and they set out arm in arm to explore the burgeoning spring within the Pemberley landscape.
They walked at a leisurely pace, which was much unlike Elizabeth’s usual preference, but perfect for today’s object, which would be revealed in time.
Elizabeth could tell that Mr. Darcy had something on his mind.
For the past week, she had caught him staring at her with his dark features more than once.
The corners of his mouth would go up slightly and his eyes would soften, as his personal thoughts ran their course in his enigmatic mind.
Elizabeth had long become used to being the object of his gazes, but lately her heart would flutter when confronted with his stares.
His admiration was apparent; his affections lay bare.
Once out of the view of the manor, Darcy took Elizabeth’s hand off his arm, choosing to hold it within his own.
As they now wore gloves, he felt that this was another social necessity that they should have chosen to do without.
After several more minutes of walking in companionable silence, when his courage had mounted sufficiently, he stopped abruptly.
They found themselves on a well-kept path that went through the woods, silent except for the rushing of water and the sound of birds within the trees preparing their nests for their own upcoming season.
Taking both of her hands in his own, Darcy confessed, “Elizabeth, six months ago, I had the then unknown privilege of requesting your hand in marriage. In my arrogance, I wrongly assumed that you were the one to receive all of the benefits inherent in our union. I accused you openly, and silently, of actively taking advantage of me and my interests. I didn’t even have the strength of character to ask for your hand properly. ”
“Please, William, do not say such things. We have moved past that, have we not?”
“I had spent my adult life fending off women of my own social circle who wanted me only for my money, estate and family name.
I had lamented the social climbing intentions of not just female admirers but also of other men who befriended me for what I could give them.
I despised their assault and yet revelled in it as my due.
Then unbeknownst to me, the one woman in all of England who was unimpressed with Fitzwilliam Darcy came into my life, and I was at a loss.
I spurned you as I fabricated sins to mimic every other facet of society, actually more so, for I accused you of the iniquitous crime of trying to protect your family through our marriage.
I had longed for a woman who could look past my fortune and care for me as the man that I am, and there you were before me, but I did not recognise you.
I could not see at the time that you were exactly the woman I needed, the one who was most worthy of my own adoration.
“You suffered at my hands and my words, but courageously stayed strong. I admire your fortitude more than any other of my acquaintance. I tried to make you change, all along not conceiving that I was the one in need of change. I am relieved to admit my lack of success. By you I was properly humbled and was able to finally see my own deficiencies. I thank God everyday for bringing you into my life.”
“William, please, you speak of deficiencies, but you have always been a man I could look up to, one whom – though trying for my natural liveliness – I could admire.”
“You are too kind, my love. I know my faults well enough; and I know your virtues,” he said, stopping and looking around for a moment before proceeding. “I notice that you do not wear the engagement ring that I gave you, nor the necklace.”
Blushing, she answered his unspoken question, “When I overheard your conversation with the colonel about Mr. Bingley and Jane, I na?vely resolved never to accept another gift of any worth from you and so left the two pieces of any value at Darcy House. I was angry at your ungracious remarks about my family and my dear sister. I know it was childish of me, and I have regretted especially leaving the necklace behind, for I did admire it and knew that you had thoughtfully picked it out for me. I planned on retrieving them when next we went to town.”
He smiled. That explained so much. How unjustified he had been in his quick judgement of her actions.
“Elizabeth, the engagement ring that I gave you was purchased for that purpose. I was unwilling to give you the ring that you deserved, the one that my mother and my grandmother each wore when married into the family. I am ashamed to say that I feared your relationship with Wickham, that you might do something to the ring. When I saw that you no longer wore your engagement ring, in my lack of trust, I feared that I had been correct, that perhaps you had in fact given the ring away for Wickham’s financial gain.
You once called me a fool and now I see yet again that you were justified, although I could not see it then in my pride.
I am ashamed of myself, but I mean to amend my mistake. ”
Then getting down on one knee, he began to remove her gloves, one finger at a time.
While so doing, Darcy said with feeling, “Miss Elizabeth Claire Bennet, you have stolen nothing but my heart. I am yours and at your mercy.” He paused as if to gather his thoughts.
Tears had begun to fall from her eyes as her small hands trembled.
“My pride led me to offer for you before, my pride for my family name, my false sense of honour based on how others viewed me. I claimed that I had offered for you to save your family, but now I see that it was not so. I have been humbled by you, and now I offer for you again not based on my pride or the scandal, or anything other than my great and abiding love for you and for you alone. Please say that you will accept this ring as a heartfelt token of my affection.”
Then he pulled out of his pocket a diamond of such magnitude that Elizabeth gasped.
It was a radiant emerald-cut stone flanked on either side by two equally brilliant diamonds of about a quarter the size and cut in like manner.
He held her left hand within his own and slipped the ring upon her finger. ”
Elizabeth’s tears were flowing uncontrollably, as she could not bear to remove her hands from his own to wipe them away.
So instead, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders as he stood to embrace her.
How long they stood there, Elizabeth could not say.
She felt bereft when he pulled away, but that feeling soon fled when he bent down and claimed her mouth.
The kiss started gently, more of a caress than anything else, but his not-yet-expressed need for her soon overcame his usual reserve in her company.
She sensed his passion and could not help but respond in kind.
Finally, he slowed down his exploration of her sweet mouth and finished the kiss.
“Forgive me, my love, but I find that my control while in your presence is waning. I, I… I need to show you how I love you.”
“You mean more than kisses, do you not?”
“Of course not here, but you must know that I long to be in union with you, as a man in love, not a man who takes and uses as I have in the past. I want to make you feel as gloriously satisfied as I.” At her look of panic, he asked, “Do I scare you?”
“Yes, I am afraid. But I trust you. I cannot claim to equally want what you want – too much has happened. I can only say that I long to feel closer to you than I do now.”
He smiled. “That is exactly what I want. Elizabeth, I will not hurt you; at least I will do everything in my power not to hurt you. I just want to love you physically and with my whole heart.” Blushing, Elizabeth nodded her head in understanding.
“But I will not come to you until you want me to. I promised that before, and I plan to hold to my word. I just hoped that maybe you might now want me to.” He reached his hand up and moved a stray curl that was blowing in the breeze.
Elizabeth knew what he was asking of her, and although fearful – for she had only known pain and humiliation in the past – she could no longer deny him.
She loved him and wanted to give him whatever it was he needed from her, whatever he might ask of her.
She had enjoyed the few times that he had slept in her room during the initial days of her illness, and she longed for him to do so again. “Will you come to me tonight?”
“If you will welcome me, then yes.”
“Will you kiss me as you just did?” she asked with an arched brow and a hint of playfulness.
“I will kiss you like this,” he said as he lovingly kissed her mouth again. “And like this,” as he moved to her cheek. “And like this,” as he kissed behind her ear, lingering until she shivered. His breath overwhelmed her.
“Well, I would by no means suspend any pleasure of yours, sir,” Elizabeth said after she had caught her breath and was able to look into his eyes again. “Will you stay with me?”