Page 100 of Obligation and Redemption
“I have no wish of denying that I did everything in my power to separate my friend from your sister, or that I rejoice in my success. Towards him I have been kinder than towards myself,” Darcy responded, his emotions now in check, a look of hauteur hiding the tumult within.
“Jane is your sister now! How could you be so cruel to her if not to your friend?” Elizabeth was not so successful hiding her passionate feelings of outrage and resentment.
“What I did, was done for a friend, and it was done for the best. Your mother would have him sponsoring your younger sisters in town, and Bingley would not have the tenacity to refuse her.
He would become a laughing stock amongst his peers.
His feelings for your sister would dissipate once he realised that a man of his position in society could not withstand the mockery that would be laid at his door.
“And how was he to know if your sister’s interest was sincere?
Your mother is highly skilled at the art of marrying her daughters off.
Could he even be certain of Miss Bennet’s true affections?
The mercenary motivations that guide your family would forever plague him.
I could not burden a friend with such a life. ”
Elizabeth gasped. The injury to her was as equal as that to her sister.
“You have insulted me and my family in every possible way. You can now have nothing more to say, nothing more to add that could increase the offence.” Elizabeth did not remove her eyes from his as she continued, “From the very beginning, from the first moment I may almost say, of my acquaintance with you, your manners impressing me with the fullest belief of your arrogance, your conceit, and your selfish disdain of the feelings of others, were such as to form that ground-work of disapprobation, on which these succeeding events have built so immoveable a dislike; and I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could have willingly married.
This places you on equal footing with Mr. Collins and his mixture of servility and self-importance, but with you rather than servility you boast contempt.
“If the scandal had merely ruined my respectability, I would have accepted my lot, leaving my family, being satisfied in the knowledge of my own virtue. I could have and would have made a life for myself under the guidance of a beloved aunt and uncle. But I could not let my family suffer for my poor decision. I rue the day I helped you during that storm. If I could have predicted the events to come, I would have left you there to fend for yourself. I have never in my life regretted a kindness shown someone so wholly undeserving until now.” After such a speech, the silence seemed so out of place, except for each taking in a quick succession of calming breaths.
“You have said quite enough, madam. I perfectly comprehend your feelings, and have now only to be ashamed of my own part that has been played in this farcical marriage. Forgive me for having taken up so much of your time.” He walked over to the door and opened it, clearly dismissing her from his presence.
With pique, they each separated, both wanting distance from the other to calm their turbulent emotions.
Unfortunately for Elizabeth, she had no way of knowing how to return to her room, so she started wandering the halls, hoping the servants would leave her alone, but needing assistance in guiding her to her destination.
She did finally reach her chamber and was able to let the full impact of their argument overcome her senses.
Elizabeth wept over Darcy’s arrogant intervention into her family’s affairs, and not only her family’s but also into the livelihood of the amiable Mr. Wickham.
However, she was surprised to discover later that her greatest discomfiture lay in Darcy’s words of disapprobation concerning their marriage and his specific objections related to her.
She had known that he had only found her tolerable in the beginning and only married her out of obligation, but she had hoped that perhaps he had come to have some level of admiration for her.
Elizabeth had found her husband staring at her many times, which at first she thought to be out of disapproval or to find fault, but she had begun to suppose that he might esteem her, if only in part.
Although she despised the man, somewhere deep down, she had begun to appreciate him and his dedication to his duties.
The previous month had brought many vexations, but there had also been times of peace and even some degree of pleasure .
Darcy was fuming. He reviewed the scene that had played out in his study over and again in his head.
Elizabeth had offended him in every possible way.
No one had ever been so bold as to treat him with such disrespect.
He resented her for the manner in which she spoke to him, a Darcy.
Not even a professor at Eton had attempted to belittle him as she had.
Even as a child his parents venerated him.
Who did she think she was? It was all Wickham’s doing, he knew.
He had whispered words of contempt into her pretty head, and she fell for it, and no matter his defence, she would not listen.
Darcy then remembered seeing Wickham with Elizabeth in the garden at Longbourn.
She was laughing, and Wickham looked fascinated.
Darcy imagined Wickham enticing Elizabeth on one of her long walks, and the idea nauseated him anew.
Why it could bother him so, he did not fully understand.
Was it merely the same old plague rearing its ugly head, Wickham attempting to lure everyone in Darcy’s life over to himself, to take what belonged to him and use it for his own amusement, as he had attempted with Georgiana and succeeded with his father?
Or could this be an even greater molestation, taking advantage of his wife’s innocence and kindness?
And then was she really so innocent and kind? Perhaps she continued to deceive him.
Although Darcy was quite unable to reconcile his actions with his honour, he could at length enjoy the benefits that time affords in placating a guilty conscience, as he had at least in part begun to see the justification of his poisonous actions.
But, to his benefit, he could not forget the look upon Elizabeth’s countenance that would continue to plague him when his guard was down.
The two principals had no desire to see or speak with the other, so Darcy spent his time in his study catching up on months of mail, and Elizabeth stayed in her room, writing in her journal, reading a book, or sleeping.
They each took meals on their own, neither caring at the time how this might look to the large staff at Pemberley.
The livelihood of hundreds depended upon the health of Fitzwilliam Darcy and his progeny.
The vast majority of the servants, tenants, and even townsfolk rejoiced upon hearing the news of Darcy’s finally taking a bride and bringing home a mistress to his estate.
However, there were others who knew him like family, who worried about the haste taken in securing a bride, and that perhaps all was not as well as originally thought.
Mrs. Reynolds, who had known Darcy since he was four years of age, had taken the news of his marriage with uncertain apprehension.
She hoped for the best, that Darcy had found a wife with whom he could find contentment.
He always seemed so focused on his duties as master of Pemberley, and his other holdings, as well as being brother and guardian to Georgiana.
Darcy strived to do his very best in whatever obligation lay before him, sometimes to his own detriment.
He needed a wife who would complement him by being his support and friend.
So many clamoured to be around Darcy for his position, his money, to take advantage of his generous nature, or his sage advice; but there was no one to offer him anything of value, that would be a blessing to him, other than perhaps his sister or Colonel Fitzwilliam.
Darcy needed a helpmate, and Mrs. Reynolds wondered if Darcy had chosen a bride to add to his assets or to truly help him to prosper and share his burden.
Based on the first few days of the Darcys’ being in residence at Pemberley, Mrs. Reynolds began to lose hope for any good to come from the marriage.
Her master had dark circles forming under his eyes and had secluded himself within his study, meeting with his steward for long hours and only coming out to retire in the evening.
He had requested additional brandy be provided, yet ate little food.
His new bride was not seen again by any except her maid, Janette, who would give no helpful information concerning her mistress’s state of health or mind.
She would offer nothing about the marriage or the felicity existing therein.