Page 132 of Obligation and Redemption

“You tried to warn me,” Darcy said disheartened.

“I am not angry with you, only with myself, as regards the first two months. But since our move to Pemberley, so much has changed.” Darcy could not stop a faint, but sincere smile from appearing.

“I own that my feelings for her have grown beyond my expectations.”

“Have you fallen in love, Darcy?” Fitzwilliam asked with amused warmth.

“Love? I hardly know. I’ve never been in love before.

When I am with Elizabeth, I can’t seem to pull my gaze from her.

When I am away, I wonder, without ceasing, what she might be doing – wondering if she might be missing me as much as I miss her.

When I go to my bed alone at night, I dream of holding her in my arms and making passionate love to her.

And when we kiss, I feel as though I am a young, inexperienced lad enjoying my first taste of heaven.

” Darcy’s smile had grown as he revealed his heretofore unspoken emotions.

“Somewhere along the way, her happiness became more important than my own.”

His cousin could not hide his curiosity. “And how does she perform as mistress of your estate? Does she suffer much under the load? She has been without the education and preparation ladies are wont to receive for such a challenge.”

“I admit that I did not anticipate her proficiency with such a large estate. Having witnessed her mother’s uncontrolled behaviour in Hertfordshire, how could I have expected otherwise?

I assumed that she would spend half her time admiring the furnishings of the manor and the other half attempting to replace them.

But no, she handles herself with grace and poise.

Over the winter months, when little social interaction was possible, she set to work learning all of the inner-workings of the estate.

She poured herself into the accounts, which Mrs. Reynolds has so meticulously kept, wanting to familiarise herself with the details of household management.

She memorised all of the names of our servants within a week of residence and has won their favour through her kindness and competency.

The tenants have also developed a fondness for her, as she visits them regularly, providing relief as required, and many times when not.

Yes, she has performed her role remarkably well.

I can honestly say that I am proud of her. ”

“I knew she was clever when first we met, and she challenged you so charmingly.”

As Darcy heard his cousin give praise to Elizabeth, he felt an unfamiliar tinge of jealousy run through him.

He knew it was unfounded and beneath him, but he was unhappy that another man, even though his cousin, was appreciating his wife in a personal way.

“She does attempt to challenge me, but sometimes it is better to have a wife who admires rather than makes sport.”

Fitzwilliam could not let this go and so replied, “Come Darcy, a tease from your wife is worth ten compliments from any other woman.”

With a small but meaningful grin, he conceded, “Yes, but a compliment from Elizabeth is more valuable yet.” He continued with feeling, “She does not hand out her commendation unless deserved, and that only by superior merit. I have never met a woman less likely to praise me, and I admit that I admire her for it. Naturally, I used to think that her lack of veneration was due to a deficiency in effort on her part. She had won her prize, so why bother? But I recognise that I was wrong in my estimation. She does not perform for anyone. I have always lauded truth and directness, but did not value these traits in my own wife. I attempted to find an ulterior motive for her lack of deference, rather than appreciate her honesty. She did not acclaim anything about me – she considered nothing to be worthy of her applause. I have had to work for every word of approbation from her lips. Without meaning to, she has shown me that I cannot use my worth as a landowner or place in society as a means of earning esteem – from her anyway.”

“Does she know about Georgiana’s summons as being the reason for your hasty removal from Derbyshire?”

“No, I did not want to alarm her, and Georgiana specifically requested that I not bring Elizabeth along. With so little information to go on and Georgiana’s mention of Wickham, I thought it best that she remain at home, safe from Wickham’s manipulations.

Elizabeth was obviously piqued when I told her that I was leaving, and without her, but it was done for the best. I would not have her worrying over the reason for my trip nor have her suffering through Georgiana’s accusations, whether or not there is any truth to back them. ”

“So what’s your plan?”

“I hardly know, but first I must discover if Elizabeth is with child. If she is not, then Wickham’s story crumbles. If she is, then the only way to know the truth is to speak with Elizabeth herself, which I cannot do until after we are done at Rosings.”

“So we are off to Rosings on Monday? Surely, the sooner we arrive, the sooner you can be on your way back home. ”

“Whether there is any truth to Wickham’s tale or not, I know there has to be financial gain at the bottom of his efforts. I suspect we may be hearing from him before long and so would like to remain in town a few more days, until either I have found him, or he has found me.”

“And in the meantime?”

“Perhaps you can help me in my search for the bastard here in town. Do you have any men at your disposal skilled in reconnaissance?”

Fitzwilliam smiled and said, “I might be unable to help you determine if you are in love, but I can help you there.”

The two stayed up late formulating a plan of action for the following week to ensure the safety of Georgiana and Elizabeth. Finding Wickham remained a priority, but each suspected it more likely they would hear from him first.