Page 148 of Obligation and Redemption
Darcy did not look at the jewels; instead, he ran up to Elizabeth’s room to look again at her papers in the escritoire.
He opened the windows fully to let the light in.
Then he pulled out the papers that appeared to be a journal.
He was looking for some clue to validate Clark’s report.
He did not know whether to be relieved or even more worried.
His cousin was about his size, maybe a little shorter, and could do damage to a woman if he so desired.
Darcy saw now that Langston never did like Elizabeth.
Maybe he meant to hurt her in some way, and has been lying to put obstacles in the search.
My own cousin! How could I not see it? Or maybe Clark is the one who lies?
But what of Wickham’s letter? I will find out one way or another from Elizabeth herself.
And so, he began to read from the page dated the day before her disappearance.
It did not take long before the proof was before him.
Monday, April 15, 1811
L continues to leer at me as he always has.
I know not if he just means to frighten me or if he plans another encounter.
I could not bear the latter. C has been faithful in his role as protector.
If I were not so alarmed, I would find his constancy diverting.
He would make a good husband someday to a young lady, if he could somehow find a situation.
His wife would always be happy and feel safe, for he would dote like a puppy, but protect like a lion.
I hope that D returns in two days as expected, for I know that he is the only one who can truly protect me.
But I fear that D would never suspect his cousin to be the profligate that he is – nor believe me should I speak my fears – so I will not even be able to rely on D to safeguard me.
I suppose I will have to count on my newly learnt skills of defence.
Why are women left in the dark about such things?
D would be appalled at my new accomplishment, so I will not tell him, unless he finds out the hard way!
I jest. I would never do anything to hurt the man.
I can tell that he has been hurt enough – he has been so lonely.
No, I mean to do everything in my power to make him the most cheerful of creatures, even more so than B!
D tries so hard to be miserable, but I am determined.
He will have cause to show those handsome dimples at least once an hour while in my company!
Oh dear, I have rambled again. You have done your job, dear journal, for I am no longer afraid. I will meet my guests today with confidence ! -EB D
“Another encounter?What can you mean, Elizabeth?”He pulled out another sheet, dated the previous Saturday.
Saturday, April 13, 1811
They came. I had prayed they would not, but Providence apparently thought it wiser that they come, although I admit to having my spiritual doubts.
I could deal with Lady S’s condescension; she is no different than Miss B, but with a title, sans beauty.
Of course, I would never admit such a cruel thing aloud.
She would not believe me anyhow for her best friend apparently tells her otherwise – her looking glass!
Enough Lizzy! I must move on. She must have other attributes on which to find diversion.
But there can be no mirth when it comes to L.
I am thankful that I am never to be left alone with him, but I cannot help but feel vulnerable.
Why did D charge me to obey him and give him rights as protector?
L could so easily dismiss LC or C and then I would be alone with him.
I still cannot forget the last time as the nightmares persist. Without even trying, he continues his assailment on my marriage!
How can I be intimate with my husband when the very remembrance of L’s liberties makes me panic?
D must never know. What if he were to blame me?
I could not bear it. He could never love me and would surely think it my fault. -EBD
Langston has violated my wife? This cannot be! I don’t want to believe it, but it must be true. What has he done to her? She’s been gone for days now. And what have I done by putting her in danger – my kind and beautiful wife? “I’ll call him out, I swear it, but first I must find her!”
Darcy wanted to read more of his wife’s journal, to find out about Wickham – if she carried his child, and what she thought of himself, but not wanting to intrude upon her privacy any more than he already had, and equally wanting to get started in the search, he put her papers and letters away, and prepared to head to the stables, newly determined to find her.
As planned, a group of men set out from the Pemberley stables on horseback to peruse the countryside looking for Elizabeth.
Darcy decided to keep all of his men nearby in the search rather than ride out to the towns, for he no longer feared she was with Wickham.
Until now, the search had focused on the south side of the estate at Langston’s direction.
Darcy’s anger intensified more with every moment as he considered his cousin’s wilful subterfuge of the search efforts.
He likely even knew where she was all along, but guided the men away.
However, Darcy tunnelled this anger into action, directing his staff in the pursuit of his wife.
He divided the men into groups of two, and they spread out going in different directions.
He sent two men, including his steward, to check all of the tenant houses or any other structure where she might have found shelter.
Darcy knew his wife trusted Clark, so he sent him with another man whom Elizabeth might not be as familiar.
Darcy went out alone, for he did not feel equal to being with another, as he felt the full weight of her disappearance and danger upon his own shoulders.
Elizabeth had told him that she felt secure under his protection, yet he had failed her.
The team had gotten out by eight-thirty in the morning and searched throughout the day.
If someone were to find her, he was to shoot into the air twice with his pistol to alert the rest. While the others took breaks, Darcy continued his search without stopping except to rest his mount as he sought clues.
As Darcy had feared that morning, clouds moved in and threatened rain again.
The temperatures continued as usual for the season, and Darcy did not want to consider what could happen if Elizabeth was still out there without shelter.
Darcy became more and more frustrated as the day wore on.
Elizabeth had been out there for two days.
The past winter had been exceptionally cold, even in town, and since his arrival, he had noticed that the air was chilly at night with only a modest increase during the day.
Darcy knew Elizabeth to be an intelligent, resourceful and active woman; if any could manage in the present circumstances, he felt she would be the one.
But then, he considered the baby. Darcy knew little about the stress that might be placed upon the womb in such conditions, this lack of understanding inclining his thoughts towards even greater fears.
While riding down a path that would have been familiar to Elizabeth, Darcy noticed something on the ground blowing in the wind, perhaps a ribbon about twenty yards into the trees.
He approached and soon saw that it was indeed a ribbon, green satin, attached to Elizabeth’s bonnet that she most often wore when walking on warmer days.
He jumped down from his horse to retrieve it and look for any signs that might give direction.
Perhaps she was nearby. Darcy scanned the area for clues while calling out her name but could not determine anything to enlighten him.
But then he saw something shiny on the ground a few feet away from where the bonnet had lain.
Walking over, he reached down and picked up a button.
Turning it over in his hand, he tried to recall if he had seen it before on one of Elizabeth‘s garments.
Then he noticed two more nearby. Putting them into the pocket of his overcoat, he made a comprehensive search of the area, trying to find clues that might alert him to where she might have gone, or been taken.
His mind took him to one horrible scenario after another as he considered her danger.
Darcy shook his head as he attempted to focus on the task at hand, but his mind would torment him as he imaged what might have happened to her, as he considered why her buttons might be strewn upon the woodland carpet.
After an hour, or perhaps two, of canvassing the area, he finally came to the conclusion that he could find nothing else of benefit, so he moved on, resolved to come back if his continued search brought no success.
Although still two hours before dark, the grey sky became even more overcast, blocking the sun and its limited warmth.
Darcy had Clark describe to everyone what Elizabeth had been wearing and was disheartened to learn that she would easily blend into the environment.
Fortunately, the still mostly bare trees allowed him to scan large areas of land at a time; however, in so doing, he risked missing her in a hasty perusal .