Page 67 of Obligation and Redemption
That night Darcy pondered what his cousin had had to say, and although he could not agree with all, he did know that he was not looking forward to a life with a woman whom he could not respect.
He would try to look for virtues that he could admire rather than concentrate on aspects that were lacking.
As far as abstaining from marital relations, that one came the hardest to consider.
Intimacy is the only contribution that she could possibly bring to the marriage, so how do I find ways to appreciate her?
ON THE FOLLOWING DAY, Elizabeth met with the cook again while Darcy took care of business in his study.
In the afternoon after sharing tea, they set out together, Darcy dropping off Elizabeth with her maid and a footman for shopping while he spent the afternoon with his relations and then on to White’s.
The evening was spent together over dinner followed by entertainment consisting of Elizabeth performing on the pianoforte.
This day became the norm for each subsequent day over the following few weeks, varying between evenings spent in the music room or in the study reading.
Darcy endeavoured to follow his cousin’s advice and keep to his own chamber at night.
As the days wore on this became easier, especially knowing, as he did, that she would spurn him should he attempt to come to her.
On one evening while in the music room, he decided to allude to the possibility of joining her later, in order to gauge her reaction.
“Elizabeth, at one time you asked me to give you time to become comfortable with me. Do you remember?” A look of alarm covered her open countenance.
“I see that you do. Well, of course you do.” He looked to the hearth for the words, but found none there; however, he carried on.
“Do you suppose that you would say that you have become more accustomed to our marriage?”
Elizabeth’s face paled as she began to fidget with her dress; she attempted to speak, but no words came.
How does she tell him that the very idea frightened her, and she knew not when that would change?
Did she dare give him hope, so that she could perform her duty no matter her reluctance?
“I… um, I cannot say that I am quite comfortable… that is to say, if you need…” She stood and walked to the other side of the room, so that he could not see her face as she attempted to gather her thoughts for a sincere yet accommodating response.
“You have said quite enough.” Darcy did not say these words in anger or in rebuke.
No more was mentioned on the subject that night, as Darcy knew that now was not the time.
His cousin was correct in that he would not want to return to his wife without her willing consent, for although he did feel that in a sense he had bought her through the marriage – in that she, by law, became his possession and he had a right to her person – he would not take her again against her wishes.
This he now knew and planned to adhere to.
And so he would remain in his own bed, in his own chamber while exercising as much patience as he could muster.
WHILE DINING WITH DARCY one night, Elizabeth asked if she might return to her relations’ church the following day for the worship service, to which he grudgingly agreed.
“Thank you, sir. That is most generous of you,” replied a sincere Elizabeth. “Will you not join me this week?”
“No, I will remain at home. But if you feel that I will be eternally punished for missing church, I promise to read my prayer book in its place. ”
“I am not worried about your eternal whereabouts, I was just hoping that you might be willing to spend time with the Gardiners, since they are my family, and I hope that you will one day share my regard for them.”
“I believe I did meet them at the wedding breakfast.”
“Yes, you were introduced, but you spent no time in their company.”
“Elizabeth, I will not keep you from your family during this time of transition for you, but do not ask me to welcome them into my life. I cannot attend services in Cheapside. I will not. Please do not ask again.”
“Have it your way. As long as you allow me to go, I suppose I will have to get used to doing things on my own. No matter, I am not so difficult to please, and I will have time with those who truly love and respect me.” Darcy started to respond, but remembering his cousin’s advice, decided that silence would be best.
So the next morning while she prepared for church, she insisted that her maid, Laura, join her for services. “Oh no, ma’am, I do not think the master would approve.”
“Nonsense. I am your mistress, am I not? And I say that you will attend with me as my companion. There is nothing for which Mr. Darcy could disapprove.” Then Elizabeth told her that she was to pick out one of her own gowns, from her time at Longbourn, so that she need not feel uncomfortable while in the company of the Gardiners.
“I could not do that! Please do not ask that of me.”
“Why ever not? Mr. Darcy cannot complain about your wearing my dresses when he desires that I get rid of them. And anyway, he need not know. He will not be joining us. Please say you will; that would make me so happy.”
“If it pleases you, then I will agree,” the maid responded hesitantly. “I think I am just nervous about seeing Margaret again. We have gone down two very different paths since last we saw one another. What if too much time has gone by?”
“Don’t be absurd! Trust your friend. She has not changed in essentials, and I would wager, neither have you.”
And so Laura joined Elizabeth in her visit to the Gardiners and enjoyed a day filled with the pleasure of reminiscing.
Elizabeth learnt much about her aunt and maid, the two women in her life, as she now knew it, who provided relief to her lonely days.
When the two returned to Darcy House, they entered through the front door, quietly laughing about a story revealed earlier in the visit.
Elizabeth could not have been more pleased with the events of the day.
Laura and Elizabeth’s aunt had met again as many friends do, who upon seeing one another again after years of separation, find that it would seem as if nary a day had gone by.
They laughed and cried and found the greatest joy in each other’s company despite their large change in circumstances; it was as if they were back to being young girls, not yet out in society but anxious to begin their lives.
This pleased Elizabeth, to see the happiness that the visit brought to each woman, and she rejoiced in having played her part in bringing the two together.
However, as they were beginning to mount the stairs leading to Elizabeth’s room, they were intercepted by the master of the house .
“Mrs. Darcy, please send your maid on to your room and meet me in my study.” Elizabeth glanced at Laura who had a look of dread on her face as she turned to continue up the stairway.
Elizabeth followed closely behind her husband unsure of what she should expect.
Her husband’s visage was grave, but unlike her maid, she could not figure out what she might have done to cause such a response.
As they walked through the door to the study, Darcy motioned for Elizabeth to sit in the chair in front of his desk while he walked behind it.
Elizabeth had a sinking feeling that she was about to be reprimanded for something heinous, but knew not why until he finally spoke.
“Would you please tell me why your maid accompanied you to church this morning?”
Elizabeth almost rolled her eyes but caught herself.
“Well, most people attend church to worship, but I suppose, there are those who might attend for more nefarious reasons. Laura specifically came with me on this day for the pleasure that my aunt and she might share in renewing their acquaintance. I believe that I told you they had grown up together.”
“Do you not see how inappropriate that was?”
“No, I do not.”
“Elizabeth, you cannot fraternise with your maid in public. It is unseemly. Surely you know this.”
“Sir, I do realise that you look upon those beneath you with apathy and disdain, but I do not. Laura is a lovely person whose life has gone down a different path than my aunt’s by no fault of her own.
Your father was very generous in taking her in and giving her employment when her husband died, but in essentials she is no different than my aunt. ”
“Do not think that comforts me.”
“I do not feel a need to defend my actions, sir. I highly regard each of those ladies, and I will not apologise for bringing them together for the purpose of renewing friendships. Neither of them regrets the visit, nor do I.”
“Mrs. Carpenter will not return with you.”
“Why are you doing this? Just because you think it wrong to renew the friendship of someone who has dropped in station, this does not mean that I should follow suit. I certainly do not agree with your treatment of those outside your station on this score, but I suppose you will do as you please without consideration to others’ wishes, or needs for that matter. ”
“Are you speaking of your maid or someone else entirely?”
“Neither; I am speaking of you and your abominable pride. I really do not see how we can reconcile our differences when we see people of this world so differently.”
“You joined my world; I did not join yours,” replied he, clearly affronted by her insults. “Maybe you should have considered our differences when you first began your designs.”