Page 61 of Obligation and Redemption

As it happened, his cousin was at Tromwell House and would remain there for the next two days, then return to his regiment until Christmas.

Darcy asked if Fitzwilliam would join him at Angelo’s, as fencing was a common diversion for the two, thus giving them a chance to visit without the benefit of family nearby and also the chance to work out frustrations against a skilled adversary.

Fitzwilliam was anxious to hear how life with Mrs. Darcy fared for his cousin and so promptly agreed to attend him.

On the carriage ride from Tromwell House to Angelo’s, the two spoke concerning the previous few days.

“So, Darcy, how have you been? I have heard of your visits this past week. Georgiana has been beside herself worrying over you. I tried to calm her fears telling her what I knew about Mrs. Darcy, but she still sees the melancholy in your eyes. You know it would be easier for her if you tried to show a little cheer.”

“You ask too much. Each day when I see her, I try to prepare myself to present an air of contentment, but Georgiana reads right through me. The truth is that I am despondent. I cannot help but feel that I have disappointed her and our parents, had they still been alive. I told myself that I married Elizabeth to fulfil my sense of honour, but have I not at the same time diminished the family name, including Pemberley, as well as Georgiana’s chances for a good match?

When I try to sleep at night, I go over and over in my mind all of the reasons why marriage to Elizabeth is a disgrace brought about by my own failings. ”

“You could not have prevented the marriage, Darcy, not with a clear conscience.”

“Yes, but was it worth the price?” Darcy continued in contemplation.

“Perhaps rather than dwell on her deficiencies, you could consider her fine attributes. I daresay she is a pretty lass.”

Darcy looked up at him as if trying to recall her visage. “I suppose in the common way.”

“You jest, man!”

“There are many beautiful women in the world, Fitzwilliam. She has no accomplishments to speak of. And beauty means nothing when there is no pleasure to be had.” Fitzwilliam’s brows shot up.

“She was a maiden, I presume.”

“Yes.”

“Does she not welcome you?” Darcy stared at him; being a private man, he did not want to discuss the matter. “Give her time.” After a few moments longer, Fitzwilliam continued, “You know that lively women make the best lovers.”

“Really, Fitzwilliam! Don’t be so coarse.”

“I am just trying to encourage you,” Fitzwilliam responded with a chuckle. “But seriously, this must also be hard on her. I suggest patience, and before long she might come to you instead.”

“Are you the expert now?”

“It doesn’t take an expert to realise that a maiden who marries needs some time to become accustomed to her duties.

Men count down the seconds until the next encounter, but not women, at least not most women.

They don’t even know what is about to happen to them when they marry.

And the wedding night for a maiden is nothing but painful embarrassment, even when she loves the man whom she has married.

I have no doubt that Elizabeth will come to respect you; how could she not?

And maybe one day she will even love you.

Regardless, patience is the key with women. ”

“You have been reading novels.”

“What if I have? It gives great insight into a woman’s peculiar thinking. Romance is what they want, or in her case, perhaps not to be looked down upon. ”

“She knows that she comes from inferior birth. That is not my doing.”

Fitzwilliam looked at him in wonder. “Darcy, what a ladies’ man you are! Your wife must be enraptured by your charms by now!”

Darcy ignored his cousin’s jest at his expense. “She will learn the ropes soon enough; being married to me raises her station considerably. I will just need to keep her from her family.” At his cousin’s surprised countenance, he continued, “They are barbarians, James. I know you saw it.”

“But they are her family. You would actually forbid her to see them?”

“She cannot desire their company. I saw her exasperation at the ball. She was mortified.”

“Before you start getting all dictatorial, consider how she might perceive your regulations.”

“More lessons on how to manage my wife?”

“I would never presume to tell Mr. Darcy of Pemberley in Derbyshire what to do. Ah, we have arrived at Angelo’s. Get ready to be bested!” They alighted from the carriage and then spent the afternoon enjoying masculine pursuits and familial camaraderie.

ELIZABETH LAY IN BED FOR SEVERAL HOURS and over the course of the afternoon began to gain back some of the strength that had dissipated over the previous day.

Laura had encouraged her to take tea and juices, which seemed to revive her.

Elizabeth agreed to dress for dinner, even though her appetite had not yet returned.

She would try her best, so as not to bring attention upon herself.

She had always been a hearty eater, due in part to her level of activity, but also because she loved food; however, even her favourite dishes currently held no appeal.

While Laura attended Elizabeth, she expressed her thoughts.

“Mrs. Darcy, when my husband died, I felt like my life as I knew it was over. I had to leave my friends and security and go to Pemberley. I was near home, but when you are in service, there is not much time to get away. I was and still am grateful for my situation, but the sense of loss, not just for my man, but for my former life, was overwhelming at the time. I could neither eat nor enjoy my former pleasures. I lost quite a bit of weight during those months, but after time, I was able to make my way and accept my lot, which ended up being not so bad after all. Now I miss my husband; he was a good man, but I find that I am quite content with my life.”

“You think that my physical complaints are related to my circumstances, to being away from home?”

“Now, I don’t know your situation and I don’t want to know, but maybe with some time and acceptance, you will find that you feel like your former self.”

Elizabeth smiled at her and touched her hand.

“Thank you. I will keep in mind all that you have said.” Elizabeth knew there was likely some truth to what her maid surmised.

Getting past her despondency would be difficult.

But what gave her most pause was the fear that at any moment Mr. Darcy would knock on her door.

Elizabeth Bennet had always been independent, strong and valued.

She was mourning her previous life to be sure.

How long it would take to fully accept her new position in society and her place in her husband’s life, she did not know.

Elizabeth did make it to dinner that evening and tried to look cheerful, but Darcy had begun to read her eyes and facial expressions, and knew that her sunny facade was only a mask.

He would not come to her tonight. Darcy knew it would be wrong.

He was a man accustomed to having what he wanted when he wanted it, but he also was a man of empathy and courtesy.

His mask of indifference would often hide abstruse sentiments that would plague him with concern.

“Elizabeth, you do look better than this morning.”

“I thank you. I do feel better as well.”

“I think it would be best to avoid your long walks in the morning.”

Elizabeth looked at him flabbergasted. “You jest!”

That is the second time someone has said such a thing today. Do I look facetious? “Indeed, I do not. You must admit that your walk was the primary reason for your illness.”

“I have walked in like manner my whole life. I can assure you that my walk is not the problem.”

“I disagree.”

“You don’t even know me. How can you make such a declaration?”

“It is simple reason, Elizabeth. You walked nearly two hours yesterday and by evening, you became ill. This morning on your subsequent walk, you almost didn’t make it back. There will be no more extended walks and no more walks without me.”

Elizabeth’s breathing increased in rate and depth as she tried to calm herself.

How dare he? How can he be so cruel? Tears came to her eyes and she stood.

“Excuse me; I have lost my appetite.” She dropped her serviette beside her plate and then headed towards the door.

Darcy stood belatedly, confounded by her show of low breeding through her lack of respect for him, leaving during the middle of the meal.

Walking is not the sport of a lady. She needs to learn to ride. That will give her the exercise she desires with controlled exertion. She must learn to be a lady, not a hoyden.

Elizabeth had tried to eat and was doing well.

The cook had remarkable talent, and Elizabeth tried to appreciate it.

After her talk with Laura – or rather Laura’s talk with her – she decided to take more effort at accepting the place in which Providence had placed her.

Elizabeth had forced herself to eat and found that upon really trying the fare with a favourable sentiment, she was able to renew her appetite.

But all of her efforts had now come to naught.

She could not bear his company, his dining room, or his food a moment longer.

Mr. Darcy was officious and condemning. Will he interminably punish me for this miserable marriage?