Page 151 of Obligation and Redemption
Just relax. Hearing the same words Langston had used, Elizabeth became defensive, saying, “What did you do to me?”
In confusion, he said “Nothing! You were wet and cold and needed to get out of your clothes. I was only trying to get you warm. I swear that I did not so much as look at you. Although as your husband, I had every right.” Then taking a deep calming breath, he continued, “Please Elizabeth, settle down. You can trust me.”
She covered her ears in lament. “Please stop!”
Darcy was thankful that Elizabeth was no longer in a senseless fever.
Seeing her alert and speaking to him was an answer to his prayer spoken throughout his vigil, but he could not understand what had gotten into her to make her so piqued.
He did remove her clothes, but then he just told her that he had been mindful of her modesty.
She was his wife; he was just taking care of her.
Surely by now she knew of his high regard.
Had they not come to care for one another?
Then presently, Darcy came to grasp her plight.
His cousin had violated her; with her ripped clothing, the evidence was incontrovertible.
Elizabeth must keenly feel her distress.
Darcy recalled what she had written about Langston’s advances and her fears for his response – that he, as her husband, might not believe her or worse, might blame her.
So as encouragement to share what distressed her, Darcy said with a calm he did not feel, “When you are ready, I want you to tell me.”
“Tell you what? ”
“What truly disturbs you,” Darcy said, looking kindly at her.
“Your chemise is dry. I would have dressed you before now, but I did not want to disturb your rest.” He reached around her for the bowl, saying, “Here, take some more water, and I’ll get it.
” He helped her to sit up to take another sip, but as soon as she was done, she made a face as if in pain.
“Does something hurt?” Darcy had been worried that she had some kind of internal injuries of which he was unaware and became rather alarmed.
In obvious embarrassment Elizabeth said that she needed the chamber pot.
She was in unconcealed physical discomfort.
Darcy smiled and reached up his hand to her face, saying, “I will look for something.” Elizabeth watched as he searched the small building for something suitable for the task, and when he found an appropriate container, he came over to her side and asked what she needed him to do.
“I suppose that I am getting my just deserts, for I was not a very compassionate nurse that night in the cabin, was I?”
“You were much more patient than I deserved. Now, please do not be uneasy. Shall I leave for the other room, or would you rather I carry you in there for your privacy? You will have to tell me what you are able to do.”
“I would like privacy in here; you go to the other room, but close the door. And don’t forget to give me my chemise.”
Darcy was showing a side of his nature that she had not had the opportunity of seeing before.
He was sympathetic and kind, showing evidence of having the heart of a servant – not an overtly proud master.
After he re-entered the room, Elizabeth told him that she was unable to handle putting on her chemise alone, so with gentleness and with understanding of her modesty Darcy assisted.
After that was put behind her, she ate some more of the bread and cheese and then fell back asleep, as her fever persisted, going from shivering to a heated restlessness.
“MY BABY! OH GOD, THE BABY!” Elizabeth said in a panic as she reached down to her abdomen to touch the swell. She had awoken abruptly from a disturbed sleep.
“Shhh, calm down. You must save your strength.”
“But, the baby!” At his concerned but unsurprised look, she said, “You know about our baby?”
Our baby . He smiled, “I do know. Why did you not tell me?”
After a time she summoned her strength to speak, “I was going to after I was certain – after I felt the quickening – but then you left. I know I should have. How did you find out?”
“I will tell you another time; right now, I want you to eat the remainder of the food and then get some more rest.”
Elizabeth was curious as to what he was not telling her but had no strength to pursue it, so she finished what Darcy had given her to eat and then closed her eyes, falling back asleep.
This slumber was not a restful one, as her mind would torment her with visions of Langston in communion with her husband.
They were at Madame Karina’s holding paid whores, laughing at their wives’ ignorance.
Her fever had returned with a vengeance, but she only knew sorrow and emotional pain.
In essentials, her husband was no different than Langston.
She truly thought he had changed, or that he was not the man she had once thought, but no, he had deceived her, taking his pleasure elsewhere like every other entitled reprobate.
ELIZABETH OPENED HER EYES to more darkness, apparently another day – or was it more?
– had come and gone. The fire continued to burn steadily.
Elizabeth saw that her husband was asleep next to her, enveloping her in his arms. The feelings of comfort and regret fought for dominance, as she lay there.
She loved him; this she now knew, or the pain would not be so great, but then how could she love a man who could behave so dishonourably in their marriage, deceiving her as he had?
How many other women did he hold like this?
Or did he just take and then leave as he had always done with her?
She had not the strength to push him away or to even try to stay awake, but her mind held no such lethargy, as it would continue to plague her with painful musings as she slept again.
Darcy had worried about his wife during the first night and then throughout the following day.
He kept expecting that they might be found, that someone would see the smoke from the chimney top, but no help arrived.
Elizabeth needed nourishment and attention from a doctor.
He could not know if their baby lived or if indeed Elizabeth would survive.
All Darcy could do was try to keep her comfortable, so when the fire, though robust, was inadequate to keep her warm, he used his own body to give heat.
Lying there with her had brought him both joy and pain.
He loved Elizabeth and relished being next to her, nurturing her, but then he knew that she was not safe.
Elizabeth’s fever could quickly cause her health to tailspin into her own demise.
IT HAD BEEN NEARLY FOUR DAYS since her last full meal; and subsequent to being found, she had consumed all of Darcy’s rations, but that was not enough to meet her needs.
This, coupled with the fever, left her exceedingly fatigued.
Darcy noticed Elizabeth awake again in obvious, though subdued distress. “Why the tears?”
She looked over at him as he watched her closely. “I have not felt the baby.”
“But you had?”
“Yes, but not in days now,” said Elizabeth, her grief palpable.
Darcy lay next to her again and pulled her into a firm embrace.
She wanted to push him away and punish him for his infidelity, but she needed to feel his strong and comforting arms. He had saved her life; she was quite certain she would have perished if in the elements another night.
And he had been so kind to her, but she could not forget his inconstancy.
Nonetheless, at this moment her need for him won out over her anger.
“Elizabeth, our baby is in God’s hands now.
But whatever happens, I am here for you.
” Elizabeth continued to shed tears until she fell back asleep, exhaustion consuming her.
They both continued to sleep arm in arm, giving and receiving comfort.
Darcy had had less than a fortnight to consider Elizabeth’s being with child and even then, the days were filled with doubts as to the true parentage, but regardless of his previous misgivings, his sense of loss was severe.
He imagined that Elizabeth’s pain would be so much more difficult to bear; therefore, he meant to give her as much comfort and solicitude as he was able.
Time slowly progressed; Darcy could not imagine why they had not been discovered during the course of the previous day.
His sister must be worried to distraction, consequently he reluctantly decided to prepare for the journey to the house; he did not like the idea of leaving his vulnerable wife there alone, but she seemed to be out of any immediate physical danger, so putting on his vest – but leaving his coat in place as it was still being used as Elizabeth’s pillow – he prepared to leave.
Elizabeth had remained in no more than her chemise underneath the woollen blankets throughout the past day, but when she saw Darcy begin to dress, she too wanted to put on her clothes, so her husband retrieved her now dry corset and gown.
“Your petticoat did not quite survive fully intact; I had to use some of the fabric, but it will be under your gown and may provide some level of protection.”
She sat up and when he handed her the gown, they both stopped short as each recalled simultaneously that her dress had been ripped open in the front. Elizabeth looked away ashamed and embarrassed at what her husband must be thinking.
“Here, Elizabeth, let me assist you.”
Darcy had moved forward ready to help, but Elizabeth pulled back. Every kindness had suddenly become like a cruelty to her sensibilities as she recalled his treachery, thus needing an outlet, she replaced her feelings of shame with those of indignation. “Please, do not touch me, I beg you.”