Page 109 of Obligation and Redemption
Darcy stood and said, “I did not mean to offend you, if that is what has happened. I simply wanted to help.” Elizabeth nodded quickly and looked away.
“It will be time to dress for dinner soon. I would like for you to join me.” He would have added, “if that is agreeable to you,” but he was certain it would not be, so he left it at that.
“I will see you soon then?” She nodded, and he departed.
After Darcy had left, Elizabeth let her emotions run their course from relief that their marriage perhaps still had hope, to disappointment that she now had to consider Mr. Darcy in her daily plans, to vexation for his intrusion into her life.
The past month had been full of fond moments and the establishment of new and cherished relationships.
She could have easily forgotten the man who owned it all, who indeed made her existence there possible, but now he was back, reminding her again that her life was not the idyllic one she had known recently but the one that brought her grief.
Elizabeth began to worry anew that he might come to her that evening.
It had been nearly five weeks since he last took his pleasure, and he likely would not wait any longer.
She began to fidget with her skirt as her anxiety increased once again at the thought.
Then a dawning of understanding began to intrude upon her.
Elizabeth contemplated how long it had been since he had left and realised that she had not had her courses since before then.
She had noticed previously that she was late in her timing, but dismissed any speculation she might have, owing to the emotional turmoil she had experienced when she was last due.
This had happened in the past, so this was a natural assumption, but now that another month had passed, she could no longer continue to ignore the idea that she might be with child.
Elizabeth was an intelligent and astute woman, but sorely lacking in the education that would be useful to navigate such mystical waters.
Her mother never actually told her how to know if she were pregnant nor the effect it would have on her courses.
Her body had demonstrated no noticeable changes. Could it be possible?
Upon speculation, Elizabeth could not decide if this would bring her joy or worry.
Her husband would no doubt desire an heir.
Indeed for many men that was the sole reason to wed, but he did not love her and very likely never would.
Darcy had been gone a month with no letter, no explanation.
Did this not portend his complete loss of any regard that he might have developed over the first six weeks of their marriage?
Elizabeth decided to dwell on this no more, as she had no proof of such a condition, and speculation could bring no relief to her questions.
After Darcy left his wife’s study – the room he had seen so little of these past ten years – he returned to his own.
He was reminded why he found her so bothersome at times.
Why could she not be like any other rational wife?
She should have accepted the direction of his steward, and that would have been the end of it.
He could have walked in there and told her how proud he was of the actions she had taken while he was away.
Truly, he was shocked that Elizabeth had taken initiative in that manner.
He could not have foreseen her gumption.
Then it struck Darcy. Of course! I never once gave her any sign of approval except for a cursory mention of her helping being commendable or something like that.
She must have taken my words as censure.
Darcy’s ire turned to himself. Again, I find myself unprepared to manage the complexities of matrimony.
I promise, Elizabeth, I will try to do better.
Then the remembrance of his steward’s intelligence about his wife’s financial dealings intruded upon him.
He decided to get the account information from his steward and then contact his solicitor in London to look into the matter.
Until he received any confirmation or proof against his fears, he would dwell on it no more.
Surely such musings could not help them resolve their differences.
DARCY HAD INTENDED that he would outline to Elizabeth his plan for them, but then began to think better of it .
What if she thinks I am trying to direct her, or worse, what if she is offended?
I cannot always predict how she will respond.
He finally decided to follow his original strategy and adjust his execution as needed.
He arrived at her room, through their shared sitting room as usual and at the appointed time, which was an hour earlier than when in London.
Elizabeth was dressed in a particularly modest creation, purchased while in town, but by her design.
She looked very becoming in a simple and innocent way.
The point was clear, and he could not say he disapproved. Best that she dress this way everyday.
“You look lovely, Elizabeth.”
She regarded him in question. Is he mocking me for my choice in gowns? Stop it, Lizzy. Just say, “thank you.” “Thank you.”
He noticed that she wore no necklace nor did she wear her engagement ring.
In retrospection, he had not seen her wear the necklace that he had presented to her at Christmas since the day before the ball.
Elizabeth had been able to communicate very clearly in these simple ways her feelings about their relationship.
At least she still wore the wedding band, if not the engagement ring, but then he traitorously wondered if she might have given the costly jewellery to Wickham.
Stop accusing her of treachery at every turn!
Walking with her and sitting with her at dinner gave Darcy the opportunity to explore other aspects of her bearing that he had missed earlier.
Her colour has returned, and she no longer looks to be sleep-deprived as had perpetually been the case.
Elizabeth may even have gained a little weight back as she now better fills out her gown, but this could be due to the different style of her dress.
If he had begun to think her lovely before, he now saw that she was even more so.
How could I have thought she was barely tolerable?
Then he remembered more than once since their engagement her reference to that very ill judged comment.
Perhaps it bothered her more than she had let on that evening.
I must make a point to express my appreciation of her beauty.
The dinner conversation was stilted, with each participant unsure of how to begin or knowing which subjects were best left unexplored; however, Darcy, being curious about Elizabeth’s other activities while he was gone, decided to introduce the topic of her explorations, and so began, “Which aspects of Pemberley have you become acquainted?”
“All of the ones of which I am aware.”
His eyebrows went up in unfeigned curiosity. “Do share.”
She went on to tell him of her now familiarity with each part of the house, mentioning her favourite rooms or pictures along the way.
Many of the rooms and passageways were closed off due to the time of year and the difficulty heating them, but when walking, this was no deterrent; Elizabeth simply planned her walks at the time of day allowing for the most light.
Initially she had employed the use of a footman to make sure she did not get lost; however, she had long since become a proficient and now speculated that she knew her way around better than many servants.
When the weather was fine, she made her explorations on the grounds of the estate.
Clark was the footman most likely to head out with her, and they became fast friends.
Most women would have preferred her escort be relegated to somewhere in the distance, but Elizabeth enjoyed his conversation and he hers.
And although walking was not usually considered sufficient exercise for a man, especially a footman, Clark could not agree.
A typical outing took at least an hour and sometimes two to three if the weather was especially fine; thus in less than a month Elizabeth had developed a sense of belonging to her environment and a fast friendship with more than one servant.
Elizabeth elaborated little to her husband and kept her reserve in check. As she was beginning to feel self-conscious about her descriptions, especially knowing her husband’s censure of such activities, Elizabeth changed the subject, asking him about his time away.
Darcy provided short answers limiting his comments to his own exercise and visits with his family. Elizabeth suspected there was more to his time in London than fencing and Georgiana, but she was happy to speak of something other than his true reason for travelling there.
When they had completed their meal, Darcy dismissed the servants in order to have some privacy.
“Elizabeth, I am pleased that you have taken the time to get to know your new home.” He noticed that she seemed to relax somewhat.
Laughing lightly, he said, “Why do you look so relieved? Of course I would want you to become familiar with your home. Based on your narrative, you seem to be quite the proficient. Another hidden accomplishment?” he said smiling, remembering their previous banter.
“What was it that you wanted to speak with me about, sir? ”
Darcy looked down to his hands, then back up to her eyes before answering, “I have been thinking about how we should proceed. I, well… I think you would agree that we cannot continue on as we have been.”
Elizabeth did not respond; she was too apprehensive about what he would have to say.