Page 157 of Obligation and Redemption
Initially, she pushed him away when he tried to comfort her, but his soothing touch and words again calmed her troubled spirit.
After hours of attending her, sleep attempted to subdue him, but he could not leave her side in case the fever returned, so unsure if Elizabeth would approve, he removed his shoes, topcoat, cravat and vest and lay on top of the counterpane next to her.
DARCY WAS PLEASANTLY SURPRISED TO FEEL tickling upon his face.
Opening his eyes he beheld a sight that warmed his heart and relieved his worries.
Inches from his own face, he saw Elizabeth’s, demonstrating a tender look of peace.
In a groggy voice, he said, “You are awake. I was worried; your fever came back.”
“I feel better now, though I am a little cold.”
“I’ll add wood to the fire,” he said as he jumped up and went to the other side of the room. After a few moments, he came back and sat next to her reclined form.
“I know that I said we would leave the unpleasant business of my caretaking to Janette, but I do not want to summon her and the others just to take me to the lavatory. Do you mind carrying me in there? I promise that I only need transportation.”
“You can ask me anything, my dear. I am at your disposal.” After he took her to her dressing room and then brought her back to bed, he asked what else she might need.
“You must be careful, Husband, for I do enjoy being spoilt. Before you know it, I will have you running down to the kitchen to make me some chicken soup, then feeding it to me while rubbing my back.”
“I would be happy to do any of those, although my cooking skills are highly overrated. In fact I will offer to rub your back even without the soup.”
“Would you indeed? I confess that the floor of the cabin, coupled with my fever, has left me with several pains in my back.”
“Sit up and I will get behind you.” Darcy assisted her to a sitting position, and then he leaned on the backboard of the large bed.
His gentle ministrations soothed Elizabeth, and she began to wonder what it might feel like to have him touching her this way during intimacies instead of the way he had in the past. Elizabeth’s experiences had all been unpleasant and disgusting to her, but now, while receiving his tender touches, she could imagine the pleasure that closeness with her husband might afford.
Darcy too was thinking of touching his wife.
She was so fragile yet strong. How could someone with her small frame be so spirited?
He considered how she had defended herself against Langston.
He was nearly twice Elizabeth’s size, yet she courageously took him down.
Elizabeth felt so right in his hands as he continued to rub her back.
The intimacy of the moment worked its magic, and both Darcys felt a longing to touch and be touched by the other.
Of course to Darcy’s understanding, this made perfect sense.
He loved her; he longed for her. He had dreamt of lying with her so many times that he had a difficult time differentiating between dreams and reality.
His visions had changed, however, from those early fantasies where he took and she gave.
They had evolved into an emotional exchange of physical touches and pleasure.
It was no longer a longing for sexual gratification but now a longing for a physical expression of an emotional bond, not an act of selfishness but an act of serving, and of intimate oneness.
But now was not the time. Elizabeth was still ill and in pain.
The emotional trauma of her time with Langston still plagued her. Darcy could and would wait for her.
Elizabeth soon became drowsy again and expressed her desire to lie back down. “But you need not leave, William.”
“It might be better for both of us if I do.”
“You know best, I suppose, but I would prefer that you stay. I found your presence in the cabin, and even now, to be comforting for me.”
“I can deny you nothing,” thus saying he lay back down upon the counterpane.
“Not there, in here,” she said lifting the covering to invite him in.
“Elizabeth, I am only human. How can you tease me so?”
“I surely don’t know what you are talking about. I mean not to tease; I just want you by my side.”
“I cannot be by your side without wanting to be with you, and since you are ill, it will not, cannot happen today. I can contentedly join you while you sleep, safe from me under the covers, but when you invite me underneath there with you, well, it makes me want to get closer, as close as I can get.”
“I see,” said Elizabeth contemplating if she should say what she was thinking or let it rest – but she knew what she wanted.
He was her husband, and she his wife. “I would have you sleep here with me anyway.” At his look of indecision, she said, “William, for the past week, I have been fearful of your cousin and his veiled threats. Then with his actual attack, I had to endure his vile assault. I spent two days in vague recollection of my plight, not knowing if I would live or die, and then the baby….” At this, tears threatened to spill down her cheeks.
“I do not want to be alone. I feel safe in your arms. Please, just stay and hold me.”
He could not argue against such a plea, and so he got under the covers with her, his shirt and pants securely on.
Darcy put his arms around her and she instinctively nestled in close.
She fell quickly into a slumber, but Darcy lay there for a while before falling asleep again, savouring the moment in contented delight.
Her need for him gave him the strength he required to subdue his own natural desires, yet he could not help but anticipate one day soon that they might find comfort without limitation.
THE FOLLOWING FORTNIGHT WAS A TIME of frustration and felicity for the couple.
Elizabeth, never one to truly enjoy idleness, became more and more intent on leaving her room and moving about.
The rain had brought with it an increase in temperatures, and spring was promising to burst forth in colour and show.
Elizabeth’s only experience at Pemberley had been winter, and although lovely in its own way, could not compare with the promise of the rebirth of the regional verdure.
However, Darcy was equally insistent that she not leave their suite, for fear of causing more damage to her ankle .
“My love,” said he, “I find your eagerness to move about endearing. You certainly never waste a moment in frivolous inactivity, but I desire that you recover without incident, so that we can more quickly get back to our walks.”
“You will be joining me? I thought you would prefer riding.”
“I will not leave to Clark the care of my wife if I can help it. I look forward with pleasure showing you the gardens and grounds of Pemberley as spring makes her show. We will be obligated, much to your satisfaction, I believe, to go to Hertfordshire in June for your sister’s wedding, so our time here will be limited.
I must insist that you hasten your recovery by following the doctor’s orders, so we can have plenty of time together to enjoy the mild weather. ”
“I thought you might want to spend the Season in town.”
“No, I have had enough of society in town and only desire your own.”
“Are you certain that you are not ashamed of me? Perhaps you are embarrassed to introduce me to your world.” Elizabeth said this in jest, as communicated by her arched smile, but Darcy could not let such a statement go without a response.
“Elizabeth, do not say such things. I would be proud indeed to have you on my arm at any event or gathering in town. I simply do not want to share you with anyone else, especially those who are prone to think ill, with no provocation except tales of a non-existent breach in propriety. No, I prefer we spend as much time here, at home, before conquering the wilds of London society.”
After this conversation, Darcy began to consider a more strategic means of introducing his wife into society that would put to rest, once and for all, the negative aura surrounding his marriage.
He wanted Elizabeth to be accepted as the accomplished, lovely, kind and elegant woman that he now knew her to be.
He acknowledged the blame in her previous, less-than-welcome reception by his family, acquaintances and society at large.
It was obvious, based on the timing, that their current hope of having a child did not have its origin until more than two months after being confined in the cabin.
Darcy wanted everyone to know that he married a virtuous woman of grace, for her sake as well as his own, and would do so again if given a choice.
Also, there was the matter of Georgiana.
Darcy’s sister was disinclined to spend any time in Elizabeth’s presence, and as Elizabeth had not been able to leave their suite, there was no hope of reconciliation between the two women Darcy loved most. Darcy had chosen to take meals in their shared sitting room so that Elizabeth would not have to eat alone; however, this left his sister with only her companion, Mrs. Annesley, as she would not consider joining them.
The conflict that naturally arose, as Darcy seemingly had to take sides, left him remorseful again for failing to encourage the relationship while in town, shortly after his marriage.
He would not force Georgiana to join them, but he would not leave his wife either.
Darcy openly and affectionately invited his sister to meet with the couple to partake in meals, but Georgiana would have none of it, until one evening during dinner.
Darcy and Elizabeth had just begun their meal when there was heard a tentative knock upon the door. “Enter,” said he. The door opened slowly to reveal Georgiana whom Elizabeth had not seen since the day in the cabin .