Page 97 of June: Jess' Story

“No, but I think I need to.” What was she like those first few days? I thought about it a lot, but I just imagined she flew back to New York after my explosive outburst. The one where I blew it for good. When I finally knew I’d ruined my last chance with her, I stopped keeping tabs on her like I used to. Had to, for my sanity.

“Well, I got there, and she immediately asked about you.”She did?“And then she was outside for a long time and when she came back, she’d chopped off all her hair.”The fuck?“And then at dinner someone said that it’s not every day you get a billionaire at the table. And when I replied with, well, yeah you do because Alex was just here, she started choking because she clearly had no idea. And then she just looked sad, but pretended she was happy the rest of the evening. And I don’t think she ate a single thing.”

“Hmm.” I get lost for a couple minutes. I’m thinking about what she would look like with short hair. She was wearing a big hoodie, and I couldn’t see her that well earlier. I also only allowed myself to look once, because anything more would have been self-inflicted torture.

I’m actually debating. Am I getting on this plane, or turning my ass right around and running back to her?

But do you think she’ll forgive me? Nope. And ultimately maybe it’s all just too broken to be something.

“Are we staying?” Blanks asks, already preparing to nix Christmas in Hawaii.

I think about it, but the realization is blunt, and the answer is clear. “Not a fucking chance.” As in there’s no fucking chance of her taking me back either. He doesn’t look exactly pleased and neither do I, but I haven’t been pleased, at least well, in about a month. Who knows? Maybe Hawaii will do the trick.

It doesn’t matter who. It doesn’t matter where or how. If I’m fucking someone, I’m thinking about Jess.

I used to avoid long dark hair, but now it’s the only thing that does it for me.

“Mmmm.” Reina (I think) says around my cock, and I shush her. Again, don’t like the noises, don’t want to hear them now or later in my dreams. Well, nightmares. You know how it is.

Currently playing nightly is me fucking her senseless just to find out she was crying the whole time. That’s my brain’s current favorite. Has been for the last four weeks straight.

“Do you like that?” Big brown eyes look up at me, and I grunt and nod in affirmation. I don’t love it, but it’s a means, right?

A

You should come join us in Hawaii for Christmas.

Yeah, I’m fucking texting right now. That’s the level of investment I’m at with “R.”

D

Can’t. Jess needs moral support to deal with the dads who are bringing their reign of terror to Spearhead. Have fun.

And then I’m pushing away. And then I’m walking away. And then my fist is going through a wall.

I said I’d be there. I said I’d help. And I’m not. I wonder how she felt when she told the dads we weren’t actually getting married. Did I make her look stupid? Did she tell them the truth?

I don’t want them to know the truth. I don’t want her to lose face because of me. I don’t want her to have to stand up to them alone. I quickly shoot off a text to Brit.

A

Do Tommy and Jamie know that Jess and I broke up?

B

Well, I think you’d have to be together for real in order to break up.

You know what I mean.

Well yeah, I think they figured it out when they showed up yesterday and found out Jess is living out of my garage apartment.

Fuck. It’s too late now. And she’s living in the garage apartment?

“Everything okay?” Reina asks. It at least definitely starts with an R.

“No, I’m sorry. I’m leaving.” I stand up from where I absentmindedly sat down on the bed, put my jeans on, and when I get to the door of the hotel room, I tell her, “Feel free to use the room the rest of the day.” And then I’m gone.

A