Page 64 of June: Jess' Story

As soon as I know they’re gone, I expect Alex to release me.Show’s over.But he doesn’t, he nestles his chin against my shoulder, opposite to where I have Eden perched on my hip, thankfully with a pacifier securely in her mouth.

“Do you like it?” he asks softly, while his arm around my waist tightens slightly to pull me closer.

“I love it, Alex. Who wouldn’t want to live here?” He nods against my shoulder then releases me, but takes my hand leading me on a real tour.

Off the kitchen is a surprisingly well-stocked pantry, the mudroom, and a stairwell to the basement. Also on the first floor is a guest suite and an office. And then we head upstairs where he shows me two guest suites before opening a third hall door to a room that has a very obvious purpose.

There’s a lilac, slipcovered daybed, and a light oak crib. There’s subtle floral wallpaper and the light fixture is a small crystal chandelier. It’s a room for Eden.How…when?The question is written on my face as I look to him.

“It’s the daybed from Brit’s old house, and then I had Constantine pick up a crib in town.” Like that explains away the floral wallpaper or the lilac daybed cover. This room, it does something to me. It plants a seed, a hope, a dream, that he’s been planning this for longer than I’ve known. He wanted this before he knew anything about my future custody woes. (Alright, maybe that’s a stretch. Calm down.)

“Well, it’s beautiful.” I walk further into the room to see a large painting of a swan above a dresser that has a changing station set up and stocked. I mean, literally diapers and wipes already here. I motion and look at him.

“Yeah, there’s a service. Apparently. When you move into a new house, they come and stock it for you with…everything. From toilet paper to tampons. Liam suggested it. They’re still here, actually.” It’s like he’s thought of everything. I look over the crib, and yep, there’s a monitor hooked up and ready.

“Alright, one more room.” He leads me to the set of double doors at the very end of the hall that open to the primary suite. My palms get clammy. My pelvic floor clenches. This could be our room. Our bed. It’s beautiful with an upholstered headboard, white bedding, and about 50 fluffy pillows on top.

“Wow.” It’s all I can say. There’s noise from the bathroom so we head there next, past the dueling his-and-hers closets.

“Hi there!” A woman in her mid-forties greets me. “We’re almost done, I promise!” She has a box of lotion bottles in her hand that she’s using to stock the cabinets underneath the sinks that are already pretty full with feminine care and women's shaving products.

Wait. Does Alex want me to be in here? With him? Or is this just a generic stocking thing? My cheeks flame at the thought. I’ll never be able to resist him if we’re in the same bed. (I can barely resist him now.)

“Hi,” I say, remembering my manners. “No worries!” Alex places a hand on my shoulder. (So touchy-feely!)

Ignoring the third party, he asks, “Where do you want your bags?” My heart beats loudly in my ears. If it wasn’t for the fact I’m still holding Eden, I’d be fidgeting.

“Um, well.” I turn and start walking out of the bathroom so we don’t have an audience. “I’d prefer the guest room closest to Eden’s room, if that’s okay.” What I want to say is, “Where are you sleeping and how can I sleep there, too?” But I don’t. Because that would be crazy. (Right?)

He gives a quick, thin smile and lets go of my shoulder. Without a word, he turns, leaving me in his bedroom alone.

Yeah, I might be a bit despicable for what I’m about to do, but I’m curious. Walking over to the bedside table closest to me, I slide it open to see a fresh box of condoms and a bottle of lube.Oh. (Do we think the stockist did that?) I close the drawer and head to the other side.

I open it and my heart flat lines. A single photo sits in the drawer. It’s of Amy, and Alex, and Tally in the hospital, probably right after she was born.He’s still Amy’s,the mean little twat of a voice inside my head tells me. (I know, thank you!)

I shut the drawer and take Eden to her room where we sit on the carpet. (I sit, Eden crawls around exploring.) And I let a few tears fall. Just a few. How does anyone compete? How do you compare tothat? A goddamn idol?He’ll always belong to someone else.

I wipe away the tears, then stand up and start familiarizing myself with the setup. Then I take Eden with me to my room where I check out the bathroom and bedroom. It’s nice, albeit decorated rather generically, though there’s literally nothing wrong with it.

When I open the cabinet below the bathroom sink, I find menstrual products and women’s shaving supplies here, too. He definitely wasn’t planning on me staying in his room then. Glad I made the right call there. That would have been fucking embarrassing.

I do check the nightstands in this room, but don’t find any condoms. Or lube. So maybe those were Alex’s doing. You know what? good for him, I guess. Though I’m not allowed to have extramarital affairs, but he can?Bullshit. Umm, I think not.

Jess

Hi. We just got here. Can I come over?

Brit

Glad to hear. I’m a bit under the weather. Hoping to be better by Thanksgiving. I’ll let you know if I feel up to visitors before then.

I’ve literally taken care of her when she’s been sick. Multiple times. I’ve peeled her sick ass off bathroom floors. Since when does that mean I can’t come visit?

I can feel us drifting. The wedge of the “engagement” to Alex is pushing her further away because she knows what I won’t admit. That I’m lying. I’ve been lying to her. And she doesn’t trust that I’m with Alex for the right reasons. And she’s right. About all of it. I can’t even fault her for giving me the cold shoulder. It’s deserved. I’ve deserved this for a long time.

Okay, let me know if you need anything. Happy to help.

Liam and Carly have it covered, but thanks.