Page 57 of June: Jess' Story

“I’m not gonna fuck you over. I promise. Whenever this ends, however it ends, you’ll be better off. I promise.” She will. She can take her trust and do whatever the fuck she wants with it. And in the off chance this works out, I’ll make her the happiest, most well-loved woman on earth.

FIFTEEN

Jess

“Marry me.”

It was a command, and like one of Pavlov’s dogs hearing a bell, my mind immediately said “Yes.” No explanation needed, I was in. But that’s the thing with Alex and me, I tend to act first, think later. I try to think in the car, but all I can think about is his hand intertwined with mine, that first sensual kiss, then the tender one that followed.Fuck. The sound of his voice calling mebaby.

I could’ve died happily right then. Alex ‘Cold-Hearted-Prick’ Palomino called mebaby.Call it, Jessica DiAngelo (could have been Palomino) died in Serendipity at 3:58 on a Saturday afternoon. All my headstone would read under my name is “baby.”

I mean, it was that fucking amazing.

And that’s the problem. I’m hearing “I don’t want to wait any longer,”“baby,” and “she’s the love of my life,” and I believe him. I believe all of it, but it’s just another lie, right?

Dangerous territory. That’s where I’m headed, but what’s the alternative? Continue managing on my own? I can’t even afford my own place. What judge is going to look at me and think I should get primary custody? No judge, that’s who.

He wants atonement and I want to keep custody of my daughter. That’s where we’re at. And it sucks because I’m yet again another pawn in some sort of redemption scheme. But beggars can’t be choosers. No one else is going to swoop in and save me, and I don’t think I have it in me to fight to save myself.

“What’s the plan of attack? When we get in there?” I ask Alex. He’s the mastermind here, the tactical warrior.

“Just follow my lead. I’ll do most of the talking, if that’s okay with you?” He’s genuinely asking me. Not used to it. I’m used to bossy Alex, short-tempered Alex, not-a-care-for-anyone-or-anything-else Alex. I’d love nothing more than to let someone else carry the weight for a bit, though.

“Yep. And…”Fuck me, I don’t know how to ask, “Are we touching? Are we coupley?”

He looks at me, a sort of darkness filtering over his eyes before he replies resolutely, “Yes.”

Okay. I nod. He picks my hand back up as we make the turn onto my street, then places a kiss on the back of my palm. He slips into his new role with ease. Carelessly. (If I’m not careful, I’ll be begging him to slip into me.)

My cheeks flame.

Tommy and Jamie are waiting on the sidewalk in front of my (our?) building, and before we get too close, Alex slides a hand around my neck and pulls me in. He places his mouth on mine and it’sinstant heat filling my panties. His lips move across mine softly, his short beard bristling against my skin before he strengthens his grip, his pressure, his ferocity and sucks my tongue into his mouth, making me clench my thighs together.Fuck.

I don’t realize we’re stopped because all I can think about, all I want is more.Touch me. Feel me. Fuck me. Please.I’ve never begged for anything from a man before, yet somehow I know I’ll be begging this one.

Ari (I think it’s Ari. I heard Alex say thank you to him earlier) opens our door, and the cold wind whips into the cab. I don’t get goosebumps. I can’t. I already have them.

When I remove my hands from Alex’s henley that I’ve unconsciously been clutching on to, Alex starts to slowly release me in turn. And when he opens his eyes, there’s something I’ve never seen there before. It’s a change.

“You get E, I’ll get everything else, okay?” he says as he gets out of the car, holding a hand out for me.

“Thanks, babe.” I go up on my tiptoes to give him a kiss on the cheek. My lips and chin tingle in the cool air and I know without looking in a mirror I’ve got beard burn fromhim. I like the way it feels on me. I like the look it’s putting on my ex’s face almost as much.

Ari brings a sleeping Eden, still in her carrier, around to me, and Tommy immediately steps forward to take her so I can unlock the door. I don’t miss that neither he nor Jamie speak a word.

Alex is right behind us, passing an armload of bags to Jamie, then picking up another load for the short elevator ride.

As soon as I have the front door unlocked, I wonder if it’ll be obvious that Alex has never been here before. But it’s not. He sets everything he was carrying in May’s office, then comes back to the entryway where he puts his wallet, keys, and phone in the same wood bowl as I normally would. He even offers Tommy and Jamie something to drink, which they, thankfully, decline because I have nothing but baby food and milk for Eden in the place.

We let Eden continue napping in her carrier for a little bit, all of us finding a seat in the living room. Tommy takes a club chair, and I choose the sofa. Then Alex sits right next to me, draping an arm across the back of the sofa around me. Love the subtlety of that. And Jamie stays standing by the fireplace. Arms crossed over his chest, deep in thought.

“You expect me to believe you’re deeply in love and happy withthis guy?” Tommy is sitting on the edge of his seat as he motions to Alex. “The guy you couldn't even stand to be around for the last five years?”

“That’s my fault, Tom. I was just jealous she ended up with you.” Alex smiles, I smile, and giggle internally. Love that he calls him Tom. No one has ever called him Tom. It’s not an endearing nickname.

“How come Jess never even mentionedyouthen?”

Alex goes to respond, but I stop him with a hand on his chest. I nod, telling him without words,“It’s fine, I got this.”