Page 117 of June: Jess' Story

When I get home from the grocery store, I find a priority mail envelope waiting on the eat-in table, and it’s addressed to me.

“What’s this?” I ask Jamie, presuming it’s something divorce or custody related.

Jamie walks up, taking a tote bag out of my hands.

“No clue, honestly. Never even heard of the law firm before.”

The return address is some generic-sounding Smith & Smith & Smith bullshit.Weird. I drop my other totes on the ground and start by opening the envelope. It’s a stack of paperwork that resembles the now defunct prenup I signed.

There’s a post-it note on top in a writing I don’t recognize that simply says,

“I’ve always and only ever loved you, Jess.”

I suck in a deep breath. The waves of emotion that radiate through my body make me want to faint, cry, keel over and die, all at the same time.

But there’s no apology. There’s nothing else. And I do look, quickly, flipping through each and every page hoping for some other nugget or message. But there isn’t. Just paperwork and instructions on how to access a trust established in my name.

Did he?No.But maybe he did…maybe he broke our contract on purpose.

Is that why he got married?

Fuck you, Alex. For haunting me still.

“So, what is it?” Jamie asks, picking up the other grocery totes, scattered and spilling out on the floor.

“It’s Alex.”

Jamie’s hackles immediately raise. His eyebrows shoot up, and he looks at me with shock and concern. In a haze, I pass the paperwork over to him. He drops all the groceries back on the floor and immediately scans and flips through the document with expert precision.

“I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say he really loved the fuck out of you,” Jamie says when he gets to the page where the trust balance is displayed. “Or he feels really fucking guilty about marrying someone else.” Yeah, that’s probably it.

I still struggle to comprehend the amount of wealth swimming around Northern Virginia. That is until I come to Caroline or Elodie’s school events, and then it becomes crystal clear. I am poor and they are not. (But I guess I’m not entirely poor anymore, am I?)

Still haven’t decided if I even want to touch what Alex gave me. It’s mine, free and clear, but it feels dirty. Like he’s paying me off. Or like he’s buying a clean conscience. And I don’t know that I want any part of that.

And I’m not thinking about Alex today. That’s not what today is about.

The campus where the girls attend boarding school looks like an English manor, if English manors also had sports complexes that were funded by the Kennedy family and rivaled NCAA fields.

Stepping out of my car, I feel it. It’s butterflies, and a dry mouth, and an uneasiness I just can’t shake. I slam the car door shut and dust off my trusty AGOLDEs. Like my pants are dirty and not that my hands are clammy because the nerves are getting the best of me. (It’s definitely the latter.)

I may have given myself a blowout. And done my makeup well. And worn good underwear. Because, I mean, you never know who you’ll run into, right? But if all this is is an outing to see one of my best girls (childfree, I might add) then I’ll be content. (I left Eden with the dads so she could do swim class and nap uninterrupted. Really, this three-parent thing is so clutch sometimes.)

After the second inning, it becomes clear thathewon’t be here, which is why Caroline probably wanted me to come.Right. I don’t let it get me down, I just cheer her on. When she gets an out at second, I’m screaming. When she makes it home, I’m crying. And when the game is done, I wait for her outside the locker rooms.

“Hey.”

I turn around to the voice that used to be my safety net, and is now just a stranger’s.

“Hey,” I say back, trying my best to mirror his tone.

“Thanks for making it today.”Polite. He’s being very polite.

“Oh, sure. Caroline asked, so here I am!”Awkward. I am being awkward. We both stare at each other for a second too long. “Well, since you’re here now, I should go. Tell Caroline I said she played awesome today.”

“W-wait.” He reaches for my hand as I’m leaving.

“JESS!” The high-pitched squeal from the parking lot has me shaking his hand off. Elodie runs over and jumps right into my arms. “I didn’t know you were going to be here!” She’s still got her knee pads on from volleyball. “We just got back from our game in Pennsylvania. We won.” She does a little happy dance. “Did Caroline win?”