Page 24 of June: Jess' Story

But it’s hard when you’re a mom and you’re mourning. How do you balance the pain with the need to show the younger women in your life that you are strong and capable and that they should be, too? It’s a catch 22. I wish Britain would see that. She can show her girls strength by crying about the fact that her heart was traumatized. You can cry and still be a strong, independent woman who is also vulnerable, and beautiful, and intelligent. (I should probably take my own advice, too.)Oh my gawd, though, I’ve turned into May.I smile a little bit. She’d be proud of me right now.

“Y-you’re right. I’m going to reschedule,” she says, her crying simmering down.

“Good, I’m going to let you go, but text me if you need anything. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Okay, and Jess?” she asks.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”Hate that.She shouldn’t be thanking me.

“Of course. Love you.” (I mean that). “We’re going to be okay, okay?” We are, both of us.

She quickly says back, “Uh-huh. Love you, too. Bye.” Then hangs up the phone.Christ. I’m glad she called, but I hate that we’re all that each other really has right now. I look down at Eden aimlessly rolling back and forth with a teething ring, and I let a few tears fall.

Picking up my baby, I cuddle my face into her soft neck, inhaling her sweet scent. And I start whispering my affirmations to her. “You and I are amazing women. We come from a long line of amazing women who do amazing things with their lives. We will do the same. When we’re ready, you and me. We'll do amazing things and we will be wonderful, and fulfilled, and happy, and strong, and vulnerable. All at the same time.” It’s in one ear and out the other with this one, but that’s okay.

I set her back down and text the man who started this all, Brit’s ex-husband Damian.

Jess

You owe me. One flight to California. I’m going to see your wife who is probably going through the darkest moments of her life, and we should be there. I’m counting on you to do the right thing.

When do you want to leave?

Ideally today. Ideally in the next three hours.

Done. I’ll send a car for you.

Damian. I hate to love him, but a part of me does. I’d never tell him. Never. Not after what he did to Brit (which was leaving her for his assistant). But if it meant making Britain happy, I think he’d jump off a ragged cliff just to see her smile. He’s like that.

In the end, a part of me doesn’t blame him for cheating, though. He was desperately in love with his wife, and she just…couldn’t love him back the same way. Ultimately, the cheating ended their marriage, but it was really just a symptom. Their marriagehad ended years before, and I think Damian hoped if he could screw up big enough, it’d awaken some part of Brit that would fight for him.

It never did.

I text Tommy to let him know I’m leaving, and then with the speed and efficiency of the executive assistant that I am, I pack our bags and wait for Damian to tell me the car is on the way.

SIX

Jess

While we wait for the car to the airport, I feed and change Eden.Again. I line up all our suitcases by the door. I even reach out to my one and only contact in California for a reference.

Jess

Hi Carly! Hope you’re doing well. I know we haven’t chatted in a while, but was hoping you could help me out. Is there a sort of Task Rabbit service near Britain’s new house? I need some same-day groceries and orders delivered.

I’m surprised when she texts me back almost instantaneously. Carly is Britain and Liam’s private chef.Was their chef?Maybe is just Liam’s chef now? (And yes, they have a private chef. No, I don’t have that same kind of money. Yes, I just went ona designer shopping spree, but that was on Tommy’s credit card, and I deserved it.Judge me.)

Carly

Hi Jess! It’s been a while! How is Eden?! I’ll send you the contact info for someone who can help you today. I’d trust them with my life, you’re in good hands. I’d say it’s task rabbit service adjacent ??

I send off a slew of texts to one “James Judge” along with a few threats, but also a promise of a big tip for a job well done, then I settle in to wait. Some more. I feel like I could’ve run a marathon with all this nervous energy fueling me.

I’m surprised I haven’t heard from Tommy, if I’m being honest.Ugh, I don’t like this. Every time my brain slows for even the shortest moment, I drift to him. I think about him, his day. He’s probably at lunch right now, maybe he and Jamie are out celebrating…

I’m stopped from deep diving that living nightmare when the front door flies open, rattling the picture frames along the wall. And…I’ve never seen Tommy look scared before. But he does now.