Page 47 of June: Jess' Story

Oh, okay.

It’s small. So small. “There’s a large closet that you could maybe put the crib in.” My jaw practically falls open. I’m not having my daughter sleep in a closet. I know I can’t afford a lot, but like, wecan draw a few lines. We can share a bedroom, it’s not the end of the world.

“That’s um, not. No. One bedroom is fine, but it does have to be big enough to fit a bedanda crib.” The elderly real estate agent just nods along with me.

Janet came recommended. Probably won’t be seeing any more apartments with her after today.

“I’ll just finish taking a look around and meet you downstairs in a few minutes.” She grabs her umbrella, leaving me in one of the saddest looking buildings we’ve seen so far. I can work with a lot, but this one might be beyond me. Worst part is I can barely afford it.

Hiring a divorce lawyer practically drained my savings, and now I’ll be using the nest egg I got from selling my dad’s house to potentially buy, but probably just rent, for the next six months while I wait for the divorce to be settled. And then…I have no fucking clue. Hope I find a better paying job before then?

I pull out my phone to call May because she asked me to after I looked at places today.

“Hi, Jessie.” I can tell by the tone in her voice that she’s ready to console me.

“It was a bust.” She’s probably nodding along.

“My offer still stands.” I tilt my head up to the water-stained ceiling, letting gravity do the work of keeping my tears in.

“Okay.” I try to keep the reluctance and the fear out of my voice.

“Okay?!” May gets excited. At least there’s that.

“Yeah, okay.”

“Oh my gosh, I just got so excited!” May offered the loft in Noho to Eden and me while we wait out the separation. Six whole months of it. It’s sort of bullshit. If you decide you want to stop being married to someone, you should just be able to stop. It shouldn’t take six months “without cohabitations” to then stop being married. Feels like there’s some patriarchal bullcrap reasoning behind it.

“I’m going to call Ellen and let her know. She’s so excited to meet you. And Eden! Okay, I’ve got to start cleaning. You just tell me when you plan to be here, and it’ll be all set for you!”

Ellen is May’s girlfriend.Seriousgirlfriend. It’s still weird for me for May to be with someone who isn’t Jules, but I’m happy for her. May said she’ll stay at Ellen’s to give me and Eden breathing room. She has no idea just how much that means to me right now.

I feel like the walls are closing in on me at Tommy’s house. Like any minute the rug could be pulled out from under me. Probably because it could. He could literally tell me to leave, and I’d have to.

When I get back to the house, I’m surprised to find Tommy in the living room with Eden and not Glenn.

“Hey,” I say hesitantly, closing the door behind me. I don’t take off my rain jacket because I’m pretty sure you can still see the remnants of a fading hickey on my neck.

“Hey,” he says back, sounding a bit off.

“I didn’t know you’d be back so soon.” I thought I had at least another week.

“Decided on a whim to come back.” Decided to take a 23-hour flight on a whim?

“Okay…” I trail off, taking a seat in an arm chair across from him.

“We need to talk.” We both say it at the same time. Normal people would laugh about something like that, but things are stilted right now and neither of us so much as smiles.

“You go first,” I say.

“I’ve been offered partner.” Wow.Wow. My eyes are probably bulging because that’s amazing news. For him. Really means nothing to me. “But I have to commit to a year in Taipei.” Oh. Still doesn’t really mean anything for me.

“I have to take it,” he resigns. I mean nobody’s holding a gun to his head.

“Okay…”

“Is there any chance you’d consider moving?” Here we go.

“No.” That’s my final answer. Absolutely no wiggle room on this. I’m happy for him, but will absolutely not be putting my life on hold to go live in Taiwan for a year. Forhim.