Page 82 of June: Jess' Story

“Knocking boots.” She shrugs.

“No! That is not at all how I see him.” My stomach sinks because I have to unloadthis final bomb. I feel like I could throw up again, and not because Alex anger-banged me, but because I can see the end of our friendship right here, right now.

With Eden still perched on my leg, I lean forward and hug Brit. (Snapshot title:“Heartwarming Embrace Between Best Friends.”) (That would be a lie.) It’s like the opposite of the kiss of death. It’s Judas giving Jesus a kiss goodbye. You know it’s the last time.

“Brit, you’ve been my best friend for so many years, and you’ve been so good to me, really. Way better than I ever deserved.” I sniffle because I’m crying now, and she extends her arm, taking my hand in hers.

“It was a lot of years ago…”

“What was?” Brit asks.

The sound of the door swinging open forcefully draws our attention. (Well, everyone’s attention.)

Alex takes a step in and scans the place frantically, eyes landing on me. Hate it immediately. Don’t like it. I wish he’d look away.

“You’re leaving?” he asks brusquely. Only having taken three steps, he comes to stand in front of me.

I straighten my spine and fidget under his gaze. With me sitting down and him towering over me like this, I’ve never felt so uncomfortable. My pits start sweating, either from the heat of his temper or the fact that I’m dressed for the frozen tundra. I don’t know.

“Yes.” It doesn’t come out as strong as I would have hoped.

“And you weren't going to tell me?” He sounds genuinely pissed. Maybe even a bithurt. But you know what? Fuck him. I’m the one he hurt.Me!Don’t I matter?

“No!” I shout back. “So you could pretend to feel some sort of way about it? Guess what, Alex? You’re the only one pretending! It’s real for me, all of it, and it’sfuckingkilling me.” I look at where I’m bouncing my child on my leg. Fucking terrible mother, I know. Add it to the list. “I’m nother. I’ll never beher. And trust me, I’ll walk away and it won’t be like her leaving because I’m. Not. Her. The end.”

He scoffs at me. “No, you certainly aren’t her. She would never leave without saying goodbye. You know what? I’m sorry I tried to help.” He looks at me, then looks at Brit. “It’s not real for her either. She wouldn’t know the truth if it smacked her in the face.” I look at him like he actually did just slap me. He might as well have. “She tell you yet?” he asks Brit.

“Yes, now shut the fuck up before you ruin everything,” Brit says to Alex in my defense, surprising me.

“Well, just in case, let me fast forward the process for you. That best friend of yours,” he nods towards me.

“Alex, stop—” I try, but he talks over me.

“Yeah, her. Well, she fucked your husband.” Brit and I both gasp in shock.

TWENTY-THREE

Then

September 23, 2017

Jess

I pull up the one and only picture I have on my phone of Alex. It’s a bit grainy. Phone cameras weren’t as amazing then as they are now. But there he is, squatting down, baseball hat worried between his hands, focus intense.My heart.This man has my heart and I haven’t even kissed him. I haven’t even been on a date with him yet!

It’s so crazy. The feelings I have for him are tenfold anything I’ve ever felt before and all we’ve done is talk. It started out after he texted me about the job opening. At first, it was little things. Like things I should see or do or eat once I move to DC.

Alex

Pandas, gotta go see the pandas.

That text was followed by a photo of a panda lazing about.

The best view of the city is from the Old Post Office, don’t let anyone try to tell you differently.

I know everyone says you have to eat at Ben’s Chili Bowl…and I’ll tell you the same. It’s practically mandatory to get a DC driver's license. Or so I’ve heard.

And then it shifted.