Page 72 of June: Jess' Story

I open my phone and google “are Sno-Caps basically chocolate chips?” The answer is overwhelmingly yes. I hold my phone up for her.

“Fine, what’s yours? And if it’s Jujubes, the wedding’s off.”

I laugh. “Fuck no. It’s just Red Vines. Like anormalhuman being.” I grab a couple packs of Red Vines…and a couple boxes of Sno-Caps, and she smiles when she sees them in the cart.

“Do you know what time Caleb is coming tonight?” she asks. “Should I cook dinner?” Blanks will be here when Blanks will be here. I stopped asking about estimated arrival times years ago.

“No clue, but I was planning to cook.” I motion down at the wrapped steaks in my cart.

“You’re cooking?” She’s shocked.

“Yeah?” She comes to a full stop mid-aisle. “What?” I ask again.

“You, just…you surprise me. A lot, actually.” I hope it's in the good way, but I don’t ask. Instead, I pull her into me and drop a kiss on her pillow-soft lips.

Eden squeals at the lack of attention, and I separate her body from mine. It’s hard to do.

“Why do you call Caleb ‘Blanks’?” That’s what she’s thinking about? After I kiss her?

“It’s an old Army nickname.”

“Yeah, but why Blanks?”

“Because he’s shooting blanks, and it was when he was like 20 years old, and the nickname just stuck.”

“Oh, like…he can’t have kids?” Not a fan of this conversation. Feels like a betrayal to talk about this behind his back.

“Yeah.” I clear my throat. I can’t remember how he found out, something about a delayed growth spurt in his teenage years and his parents took himfor testing. It didn’t bother him then. I think it bothers him now, which is why I don’t like talking about it. Also feel like maybe the nickname doesn’t hit like it used to.

“Oh.” She says a bit sadly. It makes me wonder, though.

“Do you want more kids?” We turn onto the frozen aisle, our trip almost complete.

“I don’t know, honestly. I think it could go either way at this point, but if I had to choose right this minute, I’d say no.”Hmm. Okay.

“Do you? Want more kids?” She doesn’t look at me when she asks. She’s busy taking in the frozen fruit.More kids, as in addition to Eden? Or as in addition to Tally?I don’t get the nerve to ask.

“Maybe. Haven’t decided yet.”

She nods, and then we don’t talk the rest of the time. Not until we’re in the car and headed back home.

“Hey,” we both start at the same time, then laugh.

“You go first,” again it comes out at the same time. Jess smiles then uses her hand to zip her lips shut.

I nod. “I just wanted to say, I had fun. Being with you today.” I reach over and place my hand on her thigh, giving her a squeeze. I’m fucking trying. My natural instinct is to not say anything, but I want Jess to know I like this. Because I more than like this. I likethismore than anything.

“Oh, yeah. Same. It was nice.”

“Okay. Now what were you going to say?”

She gets a shy smile and says, “I forgot.”Bullshit.But when she lets my hand stay on her leg, slides her fingers in between mine and holds on tight, I don’t push it. I relish the feel of her wanting me.

Eden is still racked out when we pull into the drive at the house, so while she gets E, I work on unloading the groceries, putting some in the outside fridge and freezer and taking things for dinner inside. I’d done a basics run before Jess got here. Flour, ketchup, milk, bread — that sort of shit. But now, without the extra storage, we’d be out of room. There’s a whole flat of yogurt pouches and applesauce taking over shelves, and it’s weird to think this is my life now. This is my life…again.

I get everything put away, but when Jess doesn’t come down, I go in search of her. I listen outside her door for a minute, and I can tell she’s on the phone. I should just keep walking, but call it spidey senses, a gut feeling, I stand at her door and lean closer.

“I’m so sorry, Damian.”The fuck?“Can you come for Thanksgiving? Please?”