Page 59 of June: Jess' Story

“You can keep working for Caleb. He said you’d want to work from home anyways. But what specifically do you need? Tell me, because if you’re worried about finances, I’m going to stop you right there. That will never be a worry for you, us, or Eden. Ever.”

I look at him, a bit confused.

“I’ll send over the prenup tomorrow, but I think it’s pretty fair and satisfactory. I may have had Tom do the first draft, mostly as a fuck you, but I’ve had it amended since and I think the guaranteed settlement is sufficient. Again, I’ll let you be the judge.”

“Why would you give me a guaranteed settlement when you’re the one doingmea favor?”

He shrugs, “Because I can. Amy would’ve wanted this.” Right, Amy.Just a jab, a quick uppercut. Why not just remove my fingernails while we’re at it?

“I’ll have to think about California.” Alex nods. He’s leaned up against my pitifully small desk, arms crossed over his chest making the expanse of his shoulders even more protruding. “But as for rules…” I trail off hoping he’ll come up with some…but then he doesn’t.Okay.

“We probably shouldn’t have sex,” I say. It’s better if I say it. If he says it, I’ll know he really doesn’t want me like that. And if he doesn’t say that, I’ll be wondering if that’s all he wants out of this. Both are equally agonizing thoughts.

But like he just reminded me again, he’s doing this for Amy. To atone. To protect me and Eden when maybe he couldn’t do the same for Amy and Tally. I’m a pet project to him. One with thepotential for a lot of orgasms, but that’s still all it’d be and I can’t let myself go there. Can’t get confused when the sex makes me think we’re real.

Having sex with Alex once was one too many for this exact reason.1000 times would never be enough.

He doesn’t say anything about that rule, but he does say, “Well, we should probably live together. So whether that’s California or here, I guess just let me know. Though, if it’s here, your place doesn’t exactly have enough beds for us to sleep separately...”

And that’s one point for moving to California.

“Well, when would we go?” I ask.

“The plan is to be moved into the new house by Thanksgiving, and then, Brit is hosting…”Fuck. My best friend who probably hates me. Who knows there’s no way I’m happy with Alex after she just saw the ruins of my life this past week. Which, ironically, was because of Alex and I lied to her about it then, too.

“I have to tell Brit…about this arrangement.”

“No.”

“What? Why? She already knows something’s not right. She showed up this week, and I was a mess. The house was a mess and she knew I wasn’t happily engaged.”

“Tell her you just missed me, but that we were planning to tell her when you came out for Christmas.”

This is so easy for him. “I hate not being honest with her…”

He gives me a look. It’s a reminder that I haven’t been honest with Brit in a very, very long time. I hate that. I hate that he’s also reminding me that he knows. That he still thinks of me asthat girl.

I look down at my hands that are naked. Haven’t worn my wedding ring from Tommy in months. Not since the night I hooked up with Alex actually.

“I’ll get you a ring.” Alex moves to sit beside me on the bed. “Any requests?” Who knewthiswould be the most painful part of it all. A fake wedding ring. He’ll give it to me. And I’ll wear it. And it’ll mean nothing.To him.(And everything to me.)

“You don’t have to. That’s an unnecessary expense.”

“Okay.”Okay. I’m surprised how disappointed I feel at his response. But then he just stands to leave. “I’ll send you the prenup and call you tomorrow to talk about it, okay?”

“Yeah.” I give him a gentle smile. “I guess, also, thank you. For doing this and helping. I can’t lose Eden, I just can’t.” He just sort of makes a gruff sound and heads for the door.

He calls out, “Lock this behind me, okay?” And then the door clicks shut. I make my way to the front door, going on tip toes to look through the peephole, and he’s still standing there. I slide the deadbolt into place, but he’s still there, deep in thought. Regretting this whole day already, I’m sure.

There’s too many zeros.That’s the first issue I notice with the prenup. The second is the time commitment. The third is that the contract goes into effect as soon as I sign this, regardless of when orifwe marry.

My phone vibrates, and I’m honestly expecting Alex, but instead see it’s his sister.

I swipe to answer the call.

“Hi.”

“Hey.” Brit sounds slightly uneasy.