Page 101 of June: Jess' Story

“I’d just like the car back,” I say.

“You have a car.”

“I do not,” I tell him, slightly annoyed with myself for not pushing his hand away. At him, for existing.

“Jess, I?—”

“What are you doing here?” Britain says too loudly, crashing the moment.

“Give us a minute, Brit, please?” he asks her. I’m still staring at the coffee maker like it’s my lord and savior Jesus Christ. I actually start praying to it.Please let me take one long blink and wake up. I can’t do this, so please. Grant me this one ask.

“Only if Jess wants me to,” she says.

“Please do,” Alex says as I say, “Please stay.”

He whispers in my ear, his warm chest entirely too close to my back, “You want to do this in front of my sister?”

TWENTY-EIGHT

Jess

“Brit, do you mind just checking on Eden real quick? She’s being too quiet.” I turn to her and ask.

“Okay, sure.” She gives me a look that says just yell and I’ll be right back.

The hand on my hip spins me as soon as Brit clears the room.Nooo. Face to face is bad for me and Alex. I lose willpower and my autonomy when he can see me and I can see him.

Before he gets a chance to say anything I blurt it all out. “You hurt me. You think I’m a liar and a bad person. You’ve never even asked me out on a date. You don’t love me. And you think you’re so much better than me. I have $500 in my checking account that has to last me till the end of the month. You don’t know me and I don’t know you. And I’m still married to another man. Plus, you really fucking hurt me in case that wasn’t clear at the start.”

“Okay, what was all that?” he asks.

“It’s the things I should have said to you when you asked me to marry you for the first time. And nothing’s changed. So, it’s all the reasons why I won’t and can’t marry you now.” I try to turn back around to make coffee, but he won’t let me.

“Well, you’re fucking wrong,” he says. I try to turn away from him again, but this time he has both hands on my hips and he’s shoved me against the counter, his body pressing in against mine.

“About what part?” I ask too quietly, and too afraid to look him in the eyes.

“Come home and I’ll tell you,” he whispers.

“I don’t have a home,” I whisper back.

“Shut the fuck up, Jess,” he says, and then his mouth is on mine. His warmth bleeds into me, liquid heat running straight from my mouth to my groin. A hand leaves my hip and is up in my hair. And his tongue is diving and plundering my mouth and it’s like the kiss from July all over again.

With a sharp bite against the corner of my mouth, he pulls back barely a centimeter to whisper across my lips, “Did you know you’re the only woman I’ve ever kissed, Jess?” I can feel his heartbeat in his thumb as he holds my cheek.

It’s racing.

So is mine. But there’s the part of me, the logical part, that’s screaming at me like I’m an idiot. Nobody kisses like that when they’ve never kissed before. I don’t know how many women he’s been with, but when you look like him, I’m going with a lot.

And then there’s the sap in me that says, that fucking means something. This fucking means something to him.

“Don’t lie to me, Alex. I can’t tell what’s real and what’s not.” I say it sincerely.

“This is real. Me and you. Please come home.” I shake my head and he rests his forehead against mine in turn. “What do I need to do?” I shake my head again. There’s nothing he can do. I think maybe there is such a thing as too messy. I think maybe too much has happened, too many wrongs that we’ll never be right.

“Nothing. Just leave me alone.”

“Can’t,” is all he says.