Page 56 of June: Jess' Story

“That’s fine. I’ll just go to Anya’s. You good here?” He throws a thumb over his shoulder, asking permission.

“Yeah.”

“K,” Blanks says, then walks away. Don’t do goodbyes. Still.

When I get back to the upstairs dining room, Brit is talking to Jess in a hushed tone. I don’t hear all of it, but I do catch the last part.

“You’re either lying to me, or to yourself, or to my brother. Or all three.”Brit shakes her head, then turns around, her bump bumping into me. She has tears in her eyes and Liam shoulder checks me to get around to her. He pulls her into his side and they leave without a word to anyone else.

Jess looks stricken.

It’ll be alright. Eventually.

May and Ellen pass off Eden, giving quick cheek kisses, and it appears that Damian and the girls have left as well.

That leaves us…and the dads.

“Still coming over?” Jess asks the two of them.

Jamie answers for them both, “Yup.”

“Great,” I say. “We’ll see you there. I’d offer a ride, but we’re overflowing at the moment.” I don’t let Jess make any apologies and they follow us downstairs. We part on the sidewalk as Blanks’ driver starts installing Eden’s carseat into the idling SUV.

“Explain yourself,” Jess demands as soon as Tommy is out of ear shot.

“We’ll talk in the car, okay?” She nods.

While I put the stroller in the trunk, Jess buckles Eden in. As soon as we’re both seated, I ask Jess to tell the driver her address, then I add, “But take the long way, get us lost.” Ari nods in understanding.

Once Eden falls asleep (only took about two minutes), Jess turns to face me. We’re seated next to each other and with the carseat on the other side, her body is forced up against mine. Love it. Her thigh against mine.What I really want is her thighs straddling mine…

“Tommy and Jamie are going after full custody when they move back in a couple months.” Her face falls. I reach out for her hand. “But fuck them. Listen, I can help. I’mgoingto help.” I inhale, preparing for this next question. “Marry me.” It comes out more a statement than a question, though.

She takes a sharp inhale, but doesn’t say anything.

“Tommy and Jamie might look great on paper in court, but we’ll look better.” She’s still quiet. Her hand is still in mine and it’s not limp.

“Aren’t you engaged?”

“Well, to you, yes.”

“No!” She drops my hand. “To Anya or someone else. Tommy told me like two months ago you were getting married.” She seems slightly upset. That makes me feel some sort of way knowing she was…jealous?

“That’s a long story, but no, he misunderstood.” There’s some understanding dawning on her face.

“Why?” She shakes her head. “Why would you do this…for me? What’s in it for you?” If I’m honest, I’m in it for Jess. To be with her. To get her to finally understand I don’t see her as the runner up, I see her as the championship prize. I see her above all else. If I never loved her, I never could have hated her.How doesn’t she see that?

Instead, what I say is, “Atonement.” She can parse out the meaning from that however she chooses.

She doesn’t love that. Can see it written all over her face.

She turns away from me, facing the windshield, but I don’t. I continue watching her. The further downtown we drive, the more my blood pressure increases.She’s going to say no.She doesn’t understand what I can offer, does she?

“Jess, I have a lot to offer. I know you probably think I’m just some fucking hiker that lives out of his 35-year-old Jeep, or his buddy’s basement?—”

“Stop,” she interrupts me. “I don’t care. Okay? I’ll do it.” She doesn’t look at me once. “They don’t get to take Eden away from me.” Still staring straight ahead, she says, “We need some rules, but let’s do it.”

All I want is to take her face in my hands and kiss the shit out of her, but I can read the fucking room. Her mind is somewhere else right now. She looks like she’s trying to figure out the quadratic formula while eating a bowl of cereal upside down. There’s that little crease between her eyebrows. Definitely something going on behind the scenes.