Page 38 of June: Jess' Story

“Duh, yes.” We all roll off the bed and Eden and Brit trail behind me down the stairs.

I head for the great room to turn on the tv while Brit turns towards the kitchen where I hope she’ll bring me back a margarita. She’s derailed by the doorbell though.

“Are you expecting something?” she calls out to me.

“Nope!” I shout back, turning on the Apple TV.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” Brit asks the guest. I lean against the back cushions of her sectional so I can view the door, and just like I always do when I see Alex, I freeze.

He breezes in like he owns the place, but stops dead when he glimpses me. Turning around quickly, he faces his sister so that I can’t hear them. And no matter how hard I strain, I can’t. They exchange words, and then he trudges to the kitchen.

Brit gives me a helpless look that says,“I’m sorry my brother is a dick,”then places Eden in my lap to follow her brother to the other side of the house.

What I want to do is get up, walk over to where they are in the kitchen and force the issue. It’s been long enough. You’d think he could stop hating me now. But I don’t get the chance, because he’s back, walking fast towards the front door.

Britain barely just stops him, “Wait! Wait! Wait! You are not going to kill him. I’m not forgiving him or anything, but I don’t think he deserves death.” So Alex knows Liam is back in town now. Got it.

“Fine, I’ll let him live.” He looks me in the eyes briefly, and I feel it. Like a punch to the solar plexus. My toes curl and my heartbeat races. And then he turns to head out the door.

Brit is still trying to talk him down, but all I can think is:No. It’s been so long. How? He…I…didn’t imagine it?The door shutting gets my attention.

“Do you think I should call Liam and warn him?” she asks, very seriously.

I can’t help it, but I laugh (to keep from crying), and say, “Absolutely not.”

Brit wanders down the hall, picking at her fingers in a daze while I get lost in thought and wonder if Liam is just the latest excuse in the long line of many that Alex has used to avoid being around me.

TEN

Jess

It’s hard to watch your best friend spiral. It’s hard watching her flush a love like Liam’s down the drain. It’s hard for me to help her do it, but I try. I help her pick out clothes for a date with the other guy, I take care of her when she stops taking care of herself and gets sick, I even attempt to manipulate the situation, which ends up backfiring. (I know, I’ve learned my lesson, don’t worry.) But no matter what I do, Brit is hellbent on going through this rather horrific train wreck full steam ahead.

I just have to take a back seat and brace for impact, vowing to help put her back together in the end. She’s done it for me. I know she'll do it for me again, too. When we come out the other side of whatever it is she’s going through, I’ll tell her, and just like we do, the roles will swap. The caretaker will become the patient.

Her and I have that sort of symbiotic relationship. We find equilibrium in being the other person's champion. (Yin and Yang.) And right now, I’m surviving on the fact that she needs me, her daughters need me, and Eden needs me. I can spread myself thin and let the “doing” carry me through this time, too.

A time when I haven’t heard from Tommy. At all. No text messages to check on Eden. And certainly no text message responding to my “fuck you” text. It stings, and if I dwell, I’ll dissolve. Can’t do that. Not yet. My girls all need me.

As I finish getting Eden dressed in her jammies, Caroline pokes her head into my room. It’s almost eerie how much she looks like her mom. She’s just a bit taller, but has those same green eyes, same golden blonde hair, same half smile.

“What’s up, babe?” I ask, snapping the buttons on Edie’s onesie.

“Do you think she’s okay?”

I sigh. “She’s going to be okay.” I look at her, trying to will some of that belief into her with a warm smile.

“I feel like they should be here by now,” she says, worried.

I shake my head. “Hospitals are slow. Even if they discharge you, it could be hours before you get to leave.” Brit ended up in the hospital…again. She had another fainting episode, but this time Liam was there for her. And oddly, that’s a huge relief. There’s no one better for the job of taking care of her. Which means I might be out of a job soon when we all move into his house at Spearhead Lake tomorrow.

Liam all but begged for us to move to his house, and reluctantly I caved.

I think I’m more curious than anything. Brit’s told me her house looks like a hovel compared to his place on Spearhead.

All I said when Liam texted me to make sure it was alright that the girls and I stayed with him while Britain recovers was, “I’ll help Alex burn your body if this goes south.” And he said, “message received.” I hope it is. For Britain and the girls, I really hope.

“Okay.” Caroline’s small voice betrays her. She is not okay.