Page 106 of June: Jess' Story

“The one you were talking to? Or the one with short brown hair?” She saw Jess, so Jess must have seen her. Mission complete.

“The one I was talking to. The one with short brown hair is just some random friend that works for my sister.” Random person, one I no longer know.Believe that.

I love you, Alex.

It’s hard to believe when all I hear on repeat is those four little words exiting her mouth.

“Oh, cool,” Emma says politely. “Where are we headed now?”

“Home.” The home I built for the only person I’ve ever loved.

Jess

“Hey stranger!” Tommy shouts from across the small airport.Lord, girl, give me strength.I give a brief smile and head towards the two men pulling bags off the carousel.

“Hi there.” I clear my throat for fortification when my voice cracks.

Tommy lets Jamie finish loading the luggage cart and scoops me up into a hug I’m not entirely sure I would otherwise consent to.

“I’ve missed you,” he says against the side of my head. I just nod. I haven’t missed him. I’ve missed the idea of him, but I won’t be saying that to his face, so I just stay quiet.

“Where’s my girl?” Tommy asks as he sets my feet back on the ground.

“Napping. She’s with Brit and the girls right now.” He nods, looking me over. No doubt noticing that things are…offfor me.

“You look…different.” (That’s code for: you look like shit.) I smooth down my shortened locks, and realize he’s probably looking more at my hideous attempt at holiday cheer that’s come in the form of an overpriced, thrifted sweater. I want so badly to say, “Thanks! This is what being poor looks like!” But that would just be the bitter bitch in me talking and not the moderate bitch who's still interested in retaining custody.

“Ahh, yeah,” I laugh insincerely, “this old thing.” I dust invisible lint off Rudolph’s pom-pom nose.

“I wasn’t talking about what you’re wearing,” Tommy’s voice is a bit subdued. He pauses, then whispers, “Are you okay?”Swallow lump. Will not cry now.

Fake smile on. “Sure. Let’s, um, talk in the car, though. Solid hour drive ahead of us.” I even pat Tommy on the shoulder, like he’s my chum.Fake fake fake.I give a perfunctory head nod to Jamie that he returns and we walk to the car in utter silence.

Thank god for the California sun giving me a reason to wear dark sunglasses three days before Christmas. They’re like my armor, hiding all the weak, under-protected bits about me right now. So with my Karen Walker sunnies firmly in place, and both men buckled up, I rip off the bandaid.

“Alex and I aren’t together anymore.” I can practically feel the smugness rolling off of Jamie. I look in the rearview expecting to see his shit-eating smile, but instead I get a look of genuine sadness in return.No. No. Not the pity. Fuck.That’s worse, so much worse than a shit-eating grin.

Neither of them say anything in response, so if we’re going to play it like that, I keep going. “I’m staying with Brit and, umm, you guys can have the garage apartment while you’re in town. Promise it’s nice. And, umm, why don’t you guys tell me about Taiwan? Enough about me!”

“I’m sorry, Jess.” It comes from Jamie and not Tommy. Again a surprise, but it pisses me off.

“Don’t pity me, Jamie. Today’s not the day.” I don’t say it as rudely as I really want to. I try to just say it honestly.

“It’s not pity, it’s empathy, Jess.” His voice is soft and quiet.Yeah, alright.

“Okay.” I stare straight ahead at the road.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jamie persists. I look at Tommy who’s looking ashen all of a sudden.

“Not particularly, but I’ll give you the details so you don’t have to ask. He married someone else. Went to Vegas, got wasted, did the deed because he really wanted to prove a point that we were done. And so we are. The end.”

“When?” Again, it’s Jamie.

“Well, I found out this morning.” Fake smile?On. No tears?Check. Cruising down freeway with the weight of the world on my shoulders?Yup.

“Pull over.” Tommy looks like he might be sick. So I do, quickly sending gravel flying out behind us.

He lurches out of the car, emptying his stomach. This is shaping up to be the best day of my life. Lucky me.