Page 27 of June: Jess' Story

The house is perched on a hill overlooking a sleepy lake. It’s not mountainous, just hilly, and it makes me feel, or I can sort of pretend, like I’m in the Italian countryside and not podunk California — two words I would have previously never even put together.

Brit’s house at Robles Lake doesn’t read tired, sepia like the valley does. It feels more like a sun tan in the summer. Like the scent of the place is just perpetually sunblock and citrus. Like everyday it's sunny, and Aperol spritzes simply appear in one’s hand the moment you step out onto her deck. It’s refreshing.

The inside feels the same. Light, airy. White boucle against, white oak flooring. Its tall ceilings and perfectly worn furniture give off that effortless (yet expensive) California, cool vibe.

After some awkwardness about sleeping arrangements, I excused myself to spend some time putting the bedding on the Pack ‘n Play while Eden explores the guest room by scooting from one place to the next. (As long as the doors are closed, she’s good.)

I put away some of our clothes, then hide the suitcases in the closet. I double check that the monitor Task Rabbit-James set up is in working order. (It is.) I’m laying out diapers, the changing pad, andwipes so I’m not caught with my pants down in the middle of the night when there’s a gentle knock at the door.

“Come in,” I call out. I’m surprised when it’s Damian who slips into my room quickly. Don’t like the look on his face, though.

“She doesn’t look good.” His face is white as a ghost’s. It makes me ache…for him. He cares for her so fucking much. It’s going to kill him watching her hurt over someone else.

I agree, “She doesn’t.” Damian gets on all fours with Eden and plays with her while I ponder the best way forward.

“What’s the game plan, Coach?” Damian asks me.

“I don’t know. I think we just have to be there for her. Support her. It’s the only way, right?”

From where Damian is now sprawled out on the floor, with Eden crawling over him, back and forth, over and over, he asks, “Was she ever like this…after…me?” This is going to crush him. I shake my head back and forth. I can see him swallow. It’s a hard pill to get down, but it’s the truth.

“Yeah, didn’t think so. Kind of hoped, in some sick way…” I don’t know what it is about Damian and me. I think we’re a bit kindred somehow. There’s some tie that binds us, and whatever it is (fine, I know what it is), we can share things with each other. Things he can’t tell Tommyor his other best friend, he tells me, and vice versa. Sometimes there’s things I don’t want to burden Brit with, so I dump it on Damian.

It sounds clandestine, but it’s far less nefarious. It’s just two people still searching for their person.

I think.

I used to have that person (thought I had that person), but not anymore. Not for a long time.

I offer Damian a hand, hauling him to his full height. “It’s not sick or twisted. I wish my husband didn’t want me to be his and his boyfriend’s spare. I’d rather he just let me go and burn our relationship to the ground. It’s worse this way.”

“Sounds like a fucking dumpster fire as it is, Jess.”

I nod. “Yup. I think you’re right.”

Without saying anything, Damian places a warm hand at the base of my neck, and massages me gently. I’m surprised when the comfort comes. It’s next level.

“Alright, let’s roll out. Pizza’ll be here any minute,” I say, putting a reluctant end to Damian’s hands that have eased some of the tension in my shoulders.

“You know pizza parties aren’t actually beneficial to morale, right?” He teases me.

“Hey! Nothing else delivers here, and pizza is fucking amazing. You cook next time then!” I shove him away playfully and he laughs at me.

“Maybe I will!” he says, swiping a hand through my hair to muss it up as we walk out of the guest room.

“You get the baby!” I turn, jokingly bossing him around and he throws up his hands in mock defeat.

“Jess?”Alex?I turn around in the hall to see Alex staring right back at me.

The moment shatters when Damian walks right into me, with Eden in his arms, and starts laughing when I stumble.

I might stumble, but my eyes never waver from Alex who turns and leaves just as stealthily as he arrived. I might have thought it was an apparition purely in my mind if not for Damian saying, “Was that Alex?”

I nod. “Yeah, I think so.”

SEVEN

Alex