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“Playing,” she said as if I was stupid.
“Carli, get out here now.” My temper was on the verge of snapping. It was taking everything in me to control the anger surging inside me. I was used to dealing with terrorists and people I could kill. That wasn’t a possibility with my daughter.
“Daddy, you’re ruining the game.”
If she thought her sweet voice was going to make me crumble, she was wrong. I got to my feet and turned for the door.
“Stay under the bed, then. I’m leaving.”
I stomped out of the room, slamming the door behind me. The instant I heard her screams, I knew I’d won. The door crashed against the wall as she flung it open and came running out, throwing herself against my legs.
“Daddy!” she screamed.
“I told you it was time to leave, but you didn’t listen,” I chastised. “Now you can stay home.”
Tears streamed down her reddened cheeks, and it took me a minute to recognize the terror in her eyes as she clung to me.
“Goddamnit,” I cursed under my breath, immediately hauling her up into my arms and holding her tight to my body. I carried her back into her room, but she started thrashing in my arms.
“No, Daddy! No, don’t leave me! I’ll be good! No, no, no!” she screamed hysterically. Snot dripped down her face as she cried out, her little hands clawing at my shirt to stay with me.
“Shh,” I whispered, trying to calm her down. Her bedroom was the wrong place to take her. I headed into my bedroom right next to hers and took her to the bed, sitting down with her still tucked against me. “Baby girl, calm down. Hey, I’m not leaving.”
“I’ll be good, Daddy! I promise! I’ll be good!”
Her screams tore my heart out. My eyes slipped closed as I rubbed my hand up and down her back, trying to soothe her after I just caused probably the most traumatic moment of her life since she lost her mom.
“Baby girl, I’m so sorry. I would never leave you. I swear. I would never leave you.”
I repeated it over and over again, knowing she needed to hear the words. I felt so stupid. I hadn’t even considered the way my words would affect her. My mother had threatened to leave us behind all the time to get our asses in gear. It just never occurred to me that it would have such a different meaning for her.
And I should have realized it. I was her father. I was supposed to protect her. That’s what I promised the night I took her home.
“Carli,” I whispered, pulling her away from me. She screamed and cried, refusing to let me go. I finally stopped trying to pull her away from me and just sat with her, rocking her in my arms until she calmed down. Her sobs had died to hiccuping breaths. With every stroke of my hand down her back, she calmed down just a little more.
“Carli, I would never leave you.” I pressed a kiss to her forehead and continued rubbing her back. “I was only trying to get you to listen, but I made a mistake, okay?”
Her breath stuttered again as she hugged me tighter. “Okay.”
But I didn’t believe it for a second.
“Hey, look at me.”
Gently prying her away from me, those big eyes finally met mine, and the wariness in them gutted me. I hated that I’d put that fear there. I hadn’t meant to hurt her, but I’d done it all the same.
“Baby girl, I didn’t mean to scare you, okay? I just wanted you to listen, and I shouldn’t have said I was going to leave you. I was wrong. I’m so sorry.”
“I don’t want you to leave me like momma.” Tears leaked from her eyes as she tried not to cry.
“I’m not going to leave you. And your momma never would have left you if she could help it. Believe me, you were the best thing in her life. She would have stayed with you forever. She loved you so much.”
Her chin trembled as she stared straight at my chest. “Do you still love me, Daddy?”
I tilted her chin up so she could see me. “Baby girl, I love you more than anything in this world, and that will never change.”
“Even if I hide under the bed?”
My lips quirked up at the side. “Even then. But how about we make a deal?”