Page 72

The bright sun warmed my face and made my shirt cling to me from the heat, but I had learned over the past few days to embrace these things that I once took for granted.
“I wanted to talk about moving past Zavala’s hold on me.”
“You’ve never discussed this before,” she hedged.
I shook my head. I’d mostly stuck to the trauma I’d faced on the island. We’d discussed everything from the first few days of my capture and the utter terror I felt to the abuse I dealt with on a daily basis, both from the guards and Zavala.
But I’d never hedged into the territory of how he controlled my mental state. It was always there in the background. Obviously, he controlled my actions by abusing me until I complied, but delving into how to move past it…that was another subject.
I walked over to a bench under a large tree, feeling protected by the leaves shading us. But as I tried to speak the words, I found it harder to talk about than I imagined. Why could I open up about the abuse so easily, but this was nearly impossible?
“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” she said softly.
But I did. My days at the hospital were numbered. She’d already told me I was ready for outpatient treatment. It would only be a matter of days before I would leave here and be on my own, and before that happened, I needed to talk to her about this.
“I told you about how he locked me in the cell. You know what that was like for me.” She nodded. “After he let me upstairs, for a while, I complied. I did as he asked because I was terrified of returning to the basement. But I was always looking for a way out, and one day I found it. He called me into his office. I didn’t know what I was doing there. He asked me to sit down and talk to him.
“I was so stiff, wondering what I had done wrong that time. Minutes passed where I questioned everything I had done over the last week, but I couldn’t think of anything. And then one of his guards burst into his office and said something about…something urgent happening. Zavala rushed out of the room, and I should have realized then that it was a trap, but I was so relieved that the focus was off me that I didn’t take the time to think things through.
“When I saw he left his phone on his desk, I didn’t waste a second grabbing it. I dialed my mother’s number instantly.” Tears filled my eyes as I remembered what that phone call cost me. I shook my head, taking a deep breath. “Before the call could even connect, I heard him behind me. He stood there…just watching me. He was waiting for me to screw up. It was like he wanted it to happen so he could punish me.”
“What happened?”
I refused to go back to those memories. They were too painful, but somehow…
“Have you been a good girl?”
“No,” I whispered.
Pain erupted through my jaw as he struck me hard, cracking the bone. “Don’t lie to me, Isabelle. “I’m always watching. Always.”
I squeaked out a painful moan as I was pulled back into the memory.
Tremors wracked my body as I pulled at the chains that kept my chilled body bolted to the wall. My entire body ached and I was pretty sure I had more than a few broken bones from his hands. I was grimy, covered in piss and shit. My hair hurt from not being washed. I wanted to die.
“Please,” I whispered as he turned for the door. “Don’t leave me.”
He turned, smiling at me in that way he always did. Striding back over, I flinched as he raised his hand to me, but this time, he caressed my cheek. His hand warmed my skin, providing much-needed relief.
“My dear, you’re so cold.”
“Freezing.”
“Do you know why?”
I nodded, knowing exactly why I had been down here for the last month. “I disobeyed you.”
“Isabelle, these rules are here for your protection. I need you to understand that.”
I nodded again, and this time, when he leaned in, he pressed a kiss to my forehead. I melted against him, whimpering at the feel of human contact.
“I’ll be back tomorrow.”
“No!”
His face instantly hardened. “Isabelle.”
I dropped my eyes, my stomach hollowing at the disappointment in his eyes. “I’m sorry.”