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I advanced on him, but Jack stepped in front of me, pushing me back from beating his ass. “Watch it.”
“Look, I’m not saying you shouldn’t be with her. I’m fucking asking if you can handle that,” Johnny rephrased. “Because there’s a lot of shit to unpack in that woman, and she might never be ready for what you have to give her. You have a daughter to think about. That little girl is counting on you. She’s all you have, and if you’re too wrapped up in trying to heal a broken woman, you might miss out on something with Carli.”
I knew he had a point, but that didn’t make me any less pissed that he would say that shit. “You think I don’t know that? Fuck!” I shouted, spinning away from them. I paced back and forth, trying to rein in my anger. I was fucking out of control, but I couldn’t stop it. The devastation on her face when she thought I didn’t want her just killed me. But that wasn’t the biggest problem I had.
“Jason, talk to us,” Jack snapped when I got lost in my head. “Tell us what the fuck you need.”
I laughed at the absurdity of it all. “What I need? A fucking time machine would be nice. How about a way to make it so she’s not afraid of me?”
Johnny winced.
“Yeah,” I chuckled. “One minute, she’s fine with me, and the next, she’s fucking scared of me.”
“She hasn’t known you that long,” Jack reminded me. “You have to give her time. It wasn’t that long ago she still thought she was in love with that bastard.”
“I know, but?—”
“You can’t make it all go away,” Jack sighed. “She has to do that for herself.”
“She is,” I argued.
“Then you need to give it time to work. She’s not one of your one-night stands you can bend over and fuck in the ass,” Jack said. “Everything you know is fucking wrong. There’s not a single thing about how you live your life that will make her feel safe.”
“Except for the fact that you can protect her,” Johnny grunted.
“I know all that,” I admitted. “I know exactly how I need to handle things. I’m not gonna maul her.”
“Sounds like you already did,” Johnny muttered.
“She wanted it,” I snapped.
“And how many fucking times do you think she’s told herself that to make it through the day?” Jack asked. “Be fucking sure about this, because if you’re not, you’re gonna do more harm than good. If she doesn’t trust you one hundred percent, you don’t lay a fucking finger on her. It’s not worth the risk of breaking her.”
His words rang true no matter how much I didn’t want to hear them. I knew this morning that I’d gone too far. Yeah, she liked it, but I was too aggressive. Things never should have proceeded like that.
“Get your head on straight,” Jack snapped, “and don’t go near her until you know you can handle your shit. Otherwise, you’ll have me to deal with.”
I nodded as he strode past me, ramming his shoulder into me on the way. I knew he wasn’t actually pissed at me. It was the whole fucking situation. Izzy was a special case, and we were tasked with looking after her. Hell, she was already family just because of her connection to Rafe. We had unknowingly been fighting to get her back for years. If only Rafe had clued us in. Maybe we could have gotten to her sooner.
Not that it would have prevented the worst of the damage, or the loss of her baby. That was probably doomed to happen no matter what.
Johnny jerked his chin at me. “You okay now?”
“Yeah.”
Clasping me on the shoulder, he forced me to look at him. “I’m here if you need to let out your anger.”
I nodded, appreciating the gesture.
“A little warning next time. It’s fucking wrong to fight another man in your boxers.”
* * *
Lock stormed through the silo, his face pinched in anger. I had no fucking clue what was going on, but by the slight nod he shot me, I had the feeling I wasn’t going to like it either. I turned on my heel and followed him into the conference room where he immediately pulled the shade and flicked on the privacy switch.
“What’s going on?”
He paced the room for a moment before stopping and turning to face me. “Michael’s here.”