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“It’ll be fine. I promise to take good care of her.”
After a moment, he leaned in and kissed me, lingering for a second. “Thank you.”
33
JASON
I tossed my clothes in the wash immediately. The smell was overwhelming, but none of that mattered as I thought of my little girl upstairs, feeling so horrible. I quickly jumped in the downstairs bathroom, scrubbing myself of all odor. I didn’t want to leave Carli for too long. I felt horrible that she’d been sick all night and I’d been here, having the time of my life with Izzy.
I could beat myself up all day over that, but it was done and over with. The only thing I could do now was to move on and help her feel better. I slung a towel around my waist as I stepped out of the shower. This was not the way I saw my day going, but that was my life now.
If it wasn’t for Izzy, what would I have done? Probably taken a shower with Carli in my arms, trying desperately not to fall or get vomit on her as I cleaned up. I was lucky as hell that Izzy hadn’t run out the door when Tahlia showed up.
I was just walking upstairs when I heard Carli’s sweet voice, talking softly to Izzy.
“Momma used to sing to me when I didn’t feel good.”
“Yeah? What did she like to sing?”
I pushed the cracked door open, peeking inside to hear her better.
“Lots of songs,” Carli mumbled. “Will you sing to me?”
“Of course.”
Leaning against the doorframe, I listened as Izzy sang some old song, probably Frank Sinatra, as she ran a rag over Carli’s body. Was this what it had been like for Leah? Was she always on her own, always taking care of Carli with no one to step in when things got hard? How the hell had she held it together for those first years without me there?
I ran my hand over the scruff of my jaw as the reality of it hit me hard. There was so much that I had missed out on. Her birth, the day she was brought home from the hospital, all those sleepless nights of crying…All of those things were something every parent cherished, and I’d thrown it all away because I hadn’t wanted to make a commitment. Things might have turned out so differently, but then I might never have met Izzy.
Fuck, that was a horrible thing to think. It was like I was trading one life for another, willingly pushing Leah aside and taking away Carli’s mother for the shot at having something amazing with Izzy. What kind of father did that make me?
“Are you tired, sweetheart?”
I watched as Carli’s head dipped as her eyes drifted shut. She nodded and held out her hands for Izzy, who promptly gathered her up in a towel, not even worried about getting wet. I’d been worried before that Izzy wasn’t up for the challenge of being with me when a kid came with the package, but looking at her now, how she held Carli tight in her arms and swayed gently, humming to her, I had the feeling that Izzy had only been holding back so she didn’t get overly attached.
I quickly grabbed some pajama pants and pulled them on, tossing the towel in the hamper before quickly stripping the bed. I was just tucking in the new sheets when Izzy came in.
“Hey, she’s falling asleep,” Izzy said softly, walking over to me. “Where do you want her?”
“In here.” I took her from Izzy’s arms, holding her tight to me as I scooted into the bed. “Are you staying?”
“Do you want me to?” she asked, the vulnerability shining bright in her eyes.
I held out my hand, grateful when she pulled off her soaked shirt and grabbed a new one before slipping under the covers with me. “She’s still warm,” I noted.
“Yeah. I’ll get some water in a little bit for her. Hopefully, she can keep it down.”
Carli was fast asleep now, resting on my chest peacefully. “You were really good with her.”
“Was I?” Izzy smiled at Carli, brushing her hand down her back. “She’s so easy to love.”
“I wasn’t sure you would,” I admitted. Her eyes flicked to mine in uncertainty. She started to pull away, but I snatched her hand, holding her to me. “Is this going to work?”
“I—” Her mouth snapped shut as she watched Carli, her eyes softening with every second that passed. “I want it to. I just…”
A tear slipped down her cheek, melting into the pillowcase. The pain in her eyes wasn’t hard to find. I knew Carli reminded her of all she lost, but this was a chance for us to have something real, if she was brave enough to take that step.
But I couldn’t force that on her. She had to want both of us, as much as it hurt. I would never give my daughter less than she deserved, even if that meant walking away from the woman I was falling hard for. I was trying my damndest to not give in to my desires to force the subject. Hell, with Izzy, I’d changed everything about how I handled things because I knew there was no other way.