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Then we were in front of the shop and I was staring up at the sign, my lips trembling in fear. I was out of the house. I had actually walked out. It hadn’t really hit me that I had walked out voluntarily. Then again, I hadn’t been there in a month. Maybe things would be easier this time around.
Eva opened the door and I stepped inside. An older woman got out of her chair and beamed at me as she rushed over, swarming Eva in a hug.
“Eva, it’s so good to see you! I was wondering when you would come in again!”
“Well, I’m not here for a cut. I brought in my sister-in-law. She wants a change.”
The woman’s eyes lit up with excitement. “I’m Jenna, honey.”
“Izzy,” I managed to say, holding out my hand.
She bypassed my hand and wrapped me in a hug. When she stepped back, she started playing with my hair. It had grown a lot in the last year. I hadn’t gotten it trimmed since the island, but when I was there, I was always expected to keep it trimmed and styled.
“Do you have anything in particular in mind?”
Anything in mind? I didn’t know anything about hairstyles or what looked good right now. I didn’t want to have to decide either. “Just do whatever you want.”
Her face slipped into a frown. “But this is your hair.”
I turned to Eva. “Is she good?”
“The best,” she smiled.
“Then I trust you. Do whatever you think will look best on me. I don’t know anything about hair, and I don’t want to have to think about it. I want a change, and I’ll go with whatever you give me.”
“Anything?”
I took a deep breath and took the plunge. “Anything.”
* * *
I looked at myself in the mirror again and couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. I hardly recognized myself. The long locks that nearly touched my butt were gone. Now, my hair was cut so it just brushed my shoulders and Jenna showed me how to style it with beach waves. I actually thought it fit my face so much better than the long hair. She’d also put some highlights into my hair. I no longer felt so monotone. Just that little bit of change made me feel ten times lighter.
“Do you really like it?” Jenna asked.
“I love it!” I couldn’t stop smiling. It was like a permanent grin was etched on my face. I never knew I could feel this way after everything that had happened or that leaving the mental hospital could turn into such a positive thing.
While Eva paid, I headed outside, still smiling like crazy. But as soon as I stepped onto the sidewalk, a young woman passed me, shooting me a dirty look. Immediately, I shrank in on myself, questioning whether it was my haircut or something about the way I was dressed. Maybe she knew who I was.
I let my gaze wander over other people around town and felt like they were all looking at me. Did they all know who I was? Did they all know that I was the woman who had been held captive for thirteen years? Were they whispering about me everywhere they went?
“Ready?”
I jumped as Eva pressed her hand to my back, shuffling away from her. Old habits died hard. She was allowed to touch me. There was absolutely nothing wrong with another person coming in contact with me. I had to remember that.
“Is everything okay?” she asked, clearly trying not to jump to conclusions.
I would not freak out on the sidewalk. No one was watching me. No one cared who I was or what I was doing. And if they didn’t like my hair…who cared? It was my hair.
It was my hair.
It was my hair.
I repeated those words over and over so I would stop second-guessing my decision. When I looked in the mirror, I had been happy with what I saw. I needed to remember that.
“Yes, I’m fine.”
“Yeah?”