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“I know, Holly bear.” He wrapped me in his arms, pulling me tight to him. “I’m so sorry.”
Tears dripped from my eyes as I cried against his chest. He didn’t once call me silly for not being able to handle this part of his life. He just held me in his arms and soothed the part of me that longed for our old life.
“I’ll get it back, Holly. I swear it.”
I wrapped my legs around his waist and cuddled in closer, feeling like I would never get enough of him. His muscles twisted and flexed as he carried me upstairs, bypassing other doors on the way.
“I hope you plan on unsexifying that table!” Noelle called out.
9
ISABELLE
I sat outside on the porch as Vira laughed inside with Patrick. He’d been staying over a lot, and while I didn’t discourage her relationship with him, I didn’t need to hear it every morning either. I took a sip of my coffee and pretended I didn’t hear the way she giggled. I already knew what was happening. He was kissing her neck. I recognized that particular laugh having seen it myself.
I remembered the way Ebarardo used to touch me. I never laughed. He never did things to elicit giggles from me. Everything with him was intense, and I liked it that way. Sometimes he would take his belt out and hit me with it when he was mad. I didn’t always like it, but I’d grown accustomed to his moods and understood that sometimes he needed a release. That was just what husbands and wives did for each other.
And then there were the times he took me to the basement and chained me to the wall. He would leave me there for hours, shivering in the cold while he took care of business. He said it was to build anticipation. I didn’t like it at first, but with every time he chained me up, I grew to appreciate what he was doing. The longer I was down there, the more I craved his touch. He once left me there for three days, only checking on me once a day. By the time he released me, I was so desperate for him that I would have given anything to be in his arms.
But nobody would understand that. I couldn’t tell Eva, let alone a therapist. They would never believe that I loved the way he touched me or that I craved the way he made me feel. Even when he hurt me, he cherished me afterward, worshiping my body as if I was a queen.
The door opened and Patrick stepped out, tugging his shirt over his head. Flushing, I turned away from his naked chest. Ebarardo would never allow me to see another man naked. In fact, if a guard ever walked around me in that state of undress, he would be shot on the spot. But here, that wasn’t an issue.
“I’ll see you later,” he said to Vira, giving her a peck on the lips.
I studiously ignored them, not bothering to look at Vira when she took the seat beside me as Patrick left.
“You know you don’t have to come outside just because I had company over. It’s your house, too.”
“I enjoy sitting on the porch.” It wasn’t a lie. It was about as far as I was willing to go without Bradford walking with me. Otherwise, I stayed in the cocoon of my house, knowing I was safe inside.
She sighed heavily, putting one foot up on the swing as he pushed us with her other foot. “So, anyone catch your eye?”
“What do you mean?”
“You know, around here.”
“Why would anyone catch my eye?”
“Because there are hot men everywhere.”
“Yes, but they’re all married.”
“Not all of them. Okay, most of them. What about Kavanaugh? He’s been coming around a lot,” she said, bumping into my shoulder with a grin.
If she thought I was about to start bonding with her over sex, that wasn’t going to happen. “There’s nothing going on with me and Bradford. Besides, my husband just died.”
“Well, not just. It’s been a while.”
Pain cut through me, slicing me wide open. It took everything in me not to go to that dark place where I wanted to curl into a ball and never leave my bed. Some days hurt more than others. I just didn’t know how to live without him. But it was so much worse because my whole world had been ripped away. All the security that I had on that island was gone. I didn’t know how to function anymore.
“I can’t,” I said quietly.
“You know, you can talk about him with me.”
That surprised me. No one ever wanted me to talk about him. Not even my own mother. She must have seen the shock on my face.
“Seriously, you need to talk about it—about him.”