Page 116

She eyed me warily for a moment, then shoved the door open and hopped out. My eyes immediately went to her ass, watching it sway as she hurried up the steps to her house. She wasn’t trying to be sexy, it just came out in her. In fact, I would bet the last thing she wanted was to appear sexual in any way. But the way her jeans sculpted her ass and clung to her thighs made it damn hard to look at her and not feel a tightening in my pants.
A knock at the window jerked me out of my thoughts. Fuck, I was so busy watching Izzy that I hadn’t noticed Jack pull up beside me. I rolled down the window and nodded to him.
“Anything?”
His knowing smirk said it all. “Nope, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t catch anything.”
I glared at him. He wouldn’t dare bring up anything in front of my kid, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t taunt me for the hell of it. “Mind your own damn business.”
“Let me know if you’re going out again.”
“Not tonight,” I grumbled, rolling up my window.
I heard him chuckle as he walked away. Fuck him. Nothing was going to happen with Izzy.
Nothing ever could.
* * *
After pulling the shades on all the windows, the three of us snuggled into the couch with popcorn and drinks to watch some ungodly cartoon that felt like it would never end. I thought I’d seen the worst of Carli’s favorite movies. It turned out I was wrong.
She had shifted from the couch to the floor, her feet up in the air as she laid on her belly with her head propped up in her hands. It wasn’t exactly my idea of a relaxing Saturday afternoon, but I was finding that having a kid changed all my expectations. I was no longer responsible only for myself. I had to think of another little person at all times.
I glanced over at Izzy, watching as her eyes slowly drifted shut with every second that passed. She’d been so quiet since we came back to the house, and I knew why. I just hoped I could help drag her out of the worst of her thoughts, even if only for a little while.
Just as her eyes finally drifted shut for good, her head lolled to the side and she slumped over, resting against my shoulder. She looked uncomfortable as hell, and even though I had no right to do it, I shifted my arm until it rested behind her and pulled her into my chest. Ignoring how right it felt to have her pressed against me, I focused on the movie again, trying to ignore the feel of her breath fanning over my neck.
I glanced at the clock, wondering if I should just take Izzy home, but part of me was still worried about leaving her to her own thoughts. I knew she was still in a fragile state, even after all the therapy she went through. I didn’t want to leave her alone the whole night.
As the movie played on, I found myself growing more tired by the second. I struggled to keep my eyes open, but there were too many nights when Carli woke up crying. It took me longer than I would like to calm her down, and most of the time, the only thing that worked was putting on a cartoon for her. Maybe it was a crutch, and maybe I was doing things the wrong way, but I didn’t see another way around it at the moment.
I felt myself sinking further into the couch, pulling Izzy with me. I crashed hard, the movie becoming nothing but noise that lulled me into a deeper sleep. The last thing I remembered was Izzy’s hand slipping across my stomach as she snuggled closer to me.
When I woke sometime in the middle of the night, the TV showed only the title of the movie we’d been watching. Everything was quiet, aside from the slight snoring I heard coming from my daughter. Izzy’s head was resting on my chest and her arm was draped across me. Somehow, we’d ended up laying sideways on the couch. She looked completely comfortable, but I doubted she would feel that way if she woke up laying on top of me.
As gently as possible, I shifted until I was out from under her, then pulled a blanket down over her to replace my body heat. After a long stretch, I cracked my back, working out all the stiffness from the awkward angle I’d been laying. I debated leaving Carli on the floor, but decided it was best to take her to bed. Aside from the nights she woke up crying, she slept like the dead. I hoped this was one of those times.
I wrapped her up in her blankie and carried her upstairs, laying her in my bed. She was so used to sleeping there, I didn’t want her waking up anywhere else. I flipped on the nightlight, casting the stars over the ceiling to keep her company. She looked so damn peaceful sprawled out in my bed, taking up way more of it than any child should.
I was so damn lucky to have her, and the longer I stared at her, the more I thanked God for giving her to me. What if nothing had happened to Leah? Would she have ever told me about her? Tahlia said she wanted to, but would she really? I would never know. I might have missed out on so much more time with her.
And that was what really shredded me. In order to find out about my daughter, Leah had to die. She knew something was happening that night. She had enough warning to lock Carli in the basement, so why didn’t she call me? Did she think I wouldn’t come?
I scrubbed my hand over my face, refusing to think about it any longer tonight. There was nothing I could do to change what had happened, and I would probably never have answers to the questions that plagued me.
Heading back downstairs, I walked silently through the house, checking all the doors—something I hadn’t done earlier and was now kicking myself for. Of course, I hadn’t intended for all of us to fall asleep either. Grabbing a water from the fridge, I stared out into the back yard, thinking of all the things I wanted to do around here.
Hell, I was a dad now. I needed to start thinking like one, which meant having a swingset for my kid and maybe a pool. I couldn’t believe how much my life had changed in the blink of an eye. Everything was different. My priorities had shifted so fast that I hadn’t even realized how much I’d changed until this very moment. I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d been to the gym.
That was something that had to change immediately. I was of no use to anyone if I fell out of shape. If I wanted to come home from a job and see my baby girl, I had to be at the top of my game.
I headed back into the living room and sank down into the chair, but the sound of whimpering had me sitting upright. It was Izzy. She was curled up on the couch with a pained expression on her face.
Fuck.
25
IZZY