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“Okay. Let’s get you home,” Kavanaugh murmured. He pressed a kiss to my cheek and brushed my hair back again before shutting the door. I kept my eyes closed as he got in, but when we started to drive away, I opened my eyes and looked out the window. Jason stood there, holding Carli’s hand as we drove away, and he looked fucking devastated.
Tucking my feet up under me, I wallowed in self-pity the rest of the way home. Maybe it was wrong of me, but I was utterly humiliated and the only thing I wanted right now was to go to bed and pretend this day never happened.
“Hey, we’re here,” Kavanaugh said some time later.
When I finally had the courage to look at him, all I saw was understanding, but shame filled me that I had torn him away from his fun day. “I’m so sorry.”
“For what?”
“You were having a good time.”
He cracked a smile, sliding his hand across the seat to grip mine. “I got to carry a beautiful, soaking wet woman through a parking lot. It was the highlight of my day.”
Not even his teasing could pull me out of the slump I was in. “Thank you for bringing me home.”
“Hey, anytime. I mean that.”
I nodded and got out, feeling like my feet were made of bricks as I walked up the steps to my house. Vira was at the waterpark, too, so at least I would have the house to myself where no one could judge me for being so fucking screwed up.
When the door slammed behind me, I looked around the empty house and sighed. It was a relief to be alone, but was this the way it would always be? Was I doomed to live life for myself, with no one to really have by my side because I didn’t know how to let anyone in?
I trudged upstairs and took off my swimsuit, mortified that Kavanaugh had carried me out of the park like this. The pink polka dot bikini was supposed to be freeing and remind me that I was no longer under Zavala’s control, but I was beginning to see that material things didn’t mean a thing. A bikini would never free me. Staying in this house where I was able to go as I pleased wouldn’t take away the pain of thirteen years of abuse and torture. None of this would heal my broken mind. That was something I had to do on my own, but the problem was, I just didn’t feel strong enough to do it right now.
I pulled a T-shirt over my head and climbed into bed, pulling the covers up over me. As I stared at the wall, I knew I might never recover from what happened to me, and that thought weighed heavily on my mind. Because if I couldn’t get past this, what was left for me in this life? Would I ever truly be happy, or was I doomed to relive my past over and over again?
It was all too much to think about, so I let my eyes drift shut and my dreams take me away. At least there, I knew where I stood.
Alone.
Always alone.
* * *
“Push, Isabelle.”
Tears clung to my eyes as I did what the doctor asked. I was in so much pain. My body hurt so badly, but the mental agony was worse. I already knew she was gone.
Ebarardo stepped in front of me, his face twisted in a sneer. “You killed her.”
Sobs wracked my body as I pushed past the pain to deliver the child that was already dead inside me.
A stinging slap landed hard across my cheek as Ebarardo got in my face. “You’ll pay for losing our child. You had one job and that was to care for our child.”
I knew I’d done all I could for her, but that didn’t stop the guilt from eating me alive. Another contraction hit and I screamed, forcing the child from my body. Ebarardo had refused to let me have any drugs. He said I didn’t deserve them after what I had done. But I felt it, the moment she slipped from my body. Relief crashed over me, but then the sorrow hit hard. Instead of the cries I expected, it was silent. I had dreamed about this moment for so long, ever since I found out I was pregnant. I thought our child would be a lifeline holding me together, keeping me from going insane while I was here. Now I knew there was nothing that could ever save me. Everything could be taken away, even the most precious thing in the world.
My jaw trembled as shakes took over my whole body. The light around me faded to a dull gray until all I saw was Ebarardo holding my little girl, talking to her as if she was alive.
“Let me hold her,” I cried, holding out my trembling arms.
“Hold her? You killed her. Let this be a lesson to you, Isabelle. Never cross me again. Things get taken from you when you’ve been bad. You will never hold your child.”
He turned to the doctor, handing our little girl off without giving me a chance to grieve. “Get rid of it.”
A moan left my lips at his words. I fell back against the pillow, crying as I reached for her. “Please! Please, let me hold her!”
The tears didn’t abate, not even when he slapped me hard across the face. “You will never see her. You did this, Isabelle. You killed our child. I will never forgive you for this.”
* * *