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“That.” She motioned between the two of us. “Amazing chemistry.”
“You mean when I yelled at him? Or when I nearly passed out?”
“How about when he took your hand in his and held you until you practically melted into him?” She twirled a piece of hair around her finger and grinned. “I’m just saying…he wouldn’t be the worst man to take to bed.”
* * *
Vira’s words played on repeat in my head the whole way home. I couldn’t even look at Jason without thinking about what she said. But she was wrong. Jason didn’t look at me that way, and I was not even close to being in the right frame of mind to look at any man like…well, in a sexual way.
Nothing about sex with Zavala had been pleasurable. There were times I told myself I was enjoying it, pretending that we were actually in love so it wouldn’t feel like what it was.
Rape.
When I thought back over the last year, how I fawned over him and mourned his loss, it disgusted me. That man had tormented me, raped me, and brutalized me for so many years. How had I ever let him take over my mind like that?
My eyes flicked over to Jason as he pulled down the drive of OPS. How would I ever look at another man without fearing that he would turn into another version of Zavala? Even someone like Jason, who had just spent the day with me, helping me pick out furniture—how could I ever believe that he would never hurt me?
Even Rafe attacked me.
He was trying to help you.
I knew that. Deep down inside, I knew Rafe beat me so badly to force Zavala’s hand—to get me off the island. He was saving my life. But that look in his eyes…the cold gaze that I could still feel when I closed my eyes at night prevented me from truly being able to move past what he did.
Again, I looked at Jason, but this time, he saw me staring. I quickly glanced away, but I’d already been caught. As soon as we reached the house, I had the door to his truck open and was hopping out. Unfortunately, he was faster than me and was already at the front of the truck waiting for me.
“I’ll mail you the check,” I blurted out.
His lips twitched in amusement. “Mail me the check? We live on the same property.”
Yes, I realized how silly it sounded. I took a step back toward the steps, needing some space. Vira’s words once again rolled around in my head. My cheeks flushed as he shoved his hands in his pockets, forcing his biceps to flex.
“I’ll just stick the check in the mailbox. That’s what I meant. Not that I’dactually mail it. That would be silly.”
He nodded in amusement, but didn’t try to come closer. “Carli wants to spend time with you.”
“Uh…I’m busy. Trying to get the house together,” I rambled, backing up further. The last thing I needed was an attachment to his little girl. That would only make things worse.
He was watching me strangely, as was Vira. I knew I was freaking out, and both of them were probably thinking that I was having some sort of meltdown. I most definitely was. Just not the kind they were imagining.
“She won’t stay away for long,” he called out.
A week. That was all I needed to get my act together. Just a little space to forget about what Vira said and get these thoughts out of my head. I wasn’t ready for any of it.
“I’ll see you around.” Before I could make a bigger fool of myself, I turned and fled up the stairs, turning the knob to fling the door open. But it wouldn’t turn. It was locked.
Of course it was. My eyes slipped closed in embarrassment. This was so humiliating. I didn’t even bring my key because I never used it. Vira had the keys. Hell, up until yesterday, I never even left the house, and since we moved, I hadn’t bothered to attach the new key to my ring.
“Need some help?” Vira asked, walking up the steps. I wanted to punch her for the laughter in her voice.
“I don’t have my key.”
“I figured.” She lowered her voice as she slid the lock inside the keyhole. “So, you want to tell me why you fled like your hair was on fire?”
“Because you put images in my head,” I hissed. “Images I’m not ready for!”
“Stay calm,” she said through clenched teeth. “Turn around and smile. Wave. Pretend everything is fine.”
“Clearly, it isn’t.”