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“I am not.”
“Oh, you so are. He’s kissed you. He’s felt you up!”
I shushed her, looking around to see if anyone else heard. “That’s private!”
“It already happened and you didn’t freak out. You wanted it. He’s just waiting for you to let him know you’re ready. Otherwise, he’s not going to touch you. Not like that.”
“So, you think I should just throw myself at his feet?”
She groaned. “Izzy, don’t take this the wrong way, but in many ways, you’re like a teenager with her first crush.”
I immediately stiffened. I knew exactly how inexperienced I was and how it looked. But for her to point it out to me…
“Stop acting like you don’t know who you are,” she continued. “You’re a grown woman. You had a shit hand dealt to you, and you’re struggling to deal with that. We all get it. There’s not a single person here judging you for that. But this is your life, and only you can decide if you want to live it or stay in the shadows. And I hate to tell you this, Izzy, but if you live in the shadows, Zavala wins.”
Tears pricked my eyes at her words. She was absolutely right.
Her arms wrapped around me as she pulled me in for a hug. “Jason’s proven to you a lot over the past few weeks that he’s here for you in any way. He’s taken you out to experience so many new things. There’s actually light in your eyes. You laugh now. I’ve seen you walk out of your house on your own. Hell, even Vira said she’s seeing you less and less by the day. This is a good thing. He’s good for you.”
He was. I knew he was. I just didn’t know how to move forward. It was a huge step.
“How do I…”
She shrugged. “You have to be comfortable.” Then her eyes dropped. “But don’t do anything with Carli in the house. That’s just weird.”
I flushed bright red. “God, I couldn’t even if I wanted to. That one time?—”
I was so mortified when I remembered she was in the house.
“Hey, I’m not saying it has to happen right away, but you need to decide what you want. Are you going to face your demons and move on with life, or are you going to hide in your house forever and pretend you don’t deserve more?”
I opened my mouth, but said nothing.
“That wasn’t an actual question. There’s only one appropriate answer, and I’ll accept nothing else.”
“Thanks,” I muttered.
“Seriously, stop putting the brakes on this relationship. You have something good coming your way. Don’t toss it away.”
I knew I wasn’t ready for more, yet. But she was right. I had to find a way to get out of my head and become the woman I wanted to be. Zavala would not win. I would not be the woman he trained me to be. I would be more than that. There was no other option. If I failed, my life would be nothing more than something that could have been.
I didn’t want to go back into the shadows.
I wouldn’t.
I had to fight.
* * *
Nerves fluttered through me as I waited for Jason to get here with Carli. It had been a week since I woke up in his bed. One week since I had my first orgasm that I actually wanted. I’d seen them every day since, but only for a few hours at a time, and never a sleepover. That couldn’t happen again anytime soon. I knew I wasn’t really ready for it.
“You’re like a lovesick puppy,” Vira snorted as she walked into the room. “I remember waiting by the door for boys when I was a kid.”
“Really?” I asked, feeling a little better.
She cocked her head at me and grinned. “No, actually, I snuck out of the house through my bedroom window and met them somewhere.”
“So…you don’t actually know what this feels like.”