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She jerked her hand out of mine, getting out of bed. “And what about my mother? Was there some security reason that you couldn’t tell me about her?”
I winced at the anger in her voice. I turned on the nightstand light so I could actually see her. “Baby?—”
“Don’t you dareBabyme. Why are you hiding things from me?”
“Because I know you don’t have the best relationship with your mom. I didn’t want her screwing up your progress.”
“And that was your decision to make?” she snapped.
“I did what I thought was best,” I answered unapologetically.
She scoffed at my answer, running her fingers through her short hair. “Right. Everyone does what they think is best for me. I lived with a fucking maniac for years. I was ruled by him and had no choice but to let him make every decision for me. Is that what you want? You want to be like him?”
“Of course not!” I shouted, getting out of bed. I strode over to her and pulled her into my arms, though she resisted from getting too close, and that tore my fucking heart out. “Izzy, I would never?—”
“Don’t! Don’t you dare tell me you would never be like him because you purposely kept my own mother from me. And for what? Because you thought I wouldn’t be able to handle having her around?” She stepped back, tears glistening in her eyes as she shook her head in disbelief. “That wasn’t your decision to make. I was blindsided when she showed up here!”
“That wasn’t supposed to happen. I told her to stay away.”
“And that makes it better? You can’t just play with my life like that! You don’t get to decide anything about my life, Jason.”
Sighing, I thrust my hands on my hips and stared at the ground. I knew what she was saying, but I was only trying to protect her. “What would you have me do? Intentionally put you in danger, knowing whatever happens could fuck with your head and put you right back in a place where I could lose you?”
When she didn’t answer, I looked up at her stricken face. “So that’s what it all comes down to,” she whispered. “Everything I do from here on out will come back to what happened before.”
“It’s a concern.”
She nodded. “Which is why you really don’t want me alone with Carli. You’re afraid I’ll go crazy and hurt her somehow.”
“No, that’s not?—”
“That’s exactly what this is about. You know, if you would just discuss things with me, I could talk it through with you, but you didn’t even give me the chance. You just made up your mind that I’m a threat.”
“You’re not a threat.”
“Then why are you hiding things from me?”
I didn’t know what to tell her. Protecting her was not the same thing as assuming she would end up back in that state of mind where she wanted to hurt herself. But I did worry about it, didn’t I?
“I can’t believe this,” she whispered to herself. “I assumed that when you said you loved me and wanted to be with me that you trusted me and believed in me.” Her tear-filled eyes looked up into mine. “Tell me now, Jason. How worried are you that I’ll lose it and end up in the psych ward again?”
I didn’t have an answer for her. And the longer I stared at her, the faster the tears fell down her face. “I’m trying, Izzy. I— I didn’t expect any of this.”
She nodded, her eyes dropping. “I think I should go home.”
“Stay,” I pleaded, but she stepped around me, only stopping when I gently grabbed her arm. “Izzy, I do love you.”
“Maybe that’s not enough,” she said softly. “I need someone who believes in me, Jason. I fought like hell to get out of the headspace Zavala left me in. You have no idea how much it hurts to hear that you don’t see that or believe that I can be strong enough to overcome it.”
Her words struck a chord in me, instantly making me regret my lack of confidence in her. I wanted to go to her and tell her I did trust her, but that wouldn’t solve anything. Flipping the script would seem disingenuous. So, I let her walk away, knowing it was tearing both of us apart because I needed to figure out how to fully trust her and believe that we could work through anything. Otherwise, there was no hope for us.
43
FOX
“So, I said we should definitely try to get a patent on his umbrella design. Imagine that…walking into a firefight as casual as can be, and bam! No one sees the umbrella flinging knives at anyone! It’s ingenious! Don’t you agree?”
“No,” he muttered, barely sparing a glance at me in the hours since we’d been alone.